menopausal mumma

Conversations from my Bed Room Last Night

2012-02-03T16:06:00.003+08:00

Could you please stop snoring?

Do you have to take up so much of the bed?

Move over, I need to roll over and you are laying too close. Move now please.

No I don't want you laying on top of me. No not on my stomach either!

Did you just fart?

You are making me too hot, do you have to sleep so close, move over a bit!

For goodness sake, I don't need your butt in my face!

Would you please stop kneading my boob, my arm, my stomach, my face?

No I don't want to stroke you all night, I need to sleep!

Yes not conversation with my hubby but with Max, they continued on as follows:

Get down from the windowsill

Stop clawing the carpet, stop clawing the bed.

Get your tail out of my mouth.

Don't lick my face, I know you love me, but that is gross!

And then he left me in peace and I finally got to sleep. Boy I love him, but he is an effort to sleep with on these hot humid nights.

Just Some Sentences

2012-01-29T13:49:00.003+08:00

It has been bloody hot here and I really feel incredibly grumpy when I am confined to one room of the house (where we have an airconditioner). Today is not so hot (low to mid 30s) and I am enjoying having the house open, but not the sweat which is still happening - sorry TMI?

There must be a fire somewhere close as I just heard the helitaks coming to fill up in the lake near us. Hope they get it out quickly as it is very windy which is not good for fire fighting.

It is 'bring out your dead' day this week and people are trolling the streets picking through other people's discards. It sort of pisses me off - not sure why, but it does.

Our old cat was 18 this month, and every day through this heatwave I thought he might die as the weather has been really hard on him. I keep checking his breathing when he is asleep. Today he is a little more active.

I've not been able to give myself my injection yet, not sure that I will be able to do it. I can not describe the dread that is sitting in my gut. Poor hubby doesn't understand why I am so on edge today, it is just another day to him. But for me it brings up my weakness again, something I need to deal with obviously.

Max has been guarding the house, against the vacuum cleaner and the mop, he runs at them with his hackles up and his tail fat. I think he thinks they are attacking my hubby as he cleans. He is such a funny little cat. Today he caught a gecko, well the tail anyway, the gecko got away. It is a good thing he is not an outside cat, cause he is a hunter extraordinaire - chasing down flies and other bugs what wander inside. Hope the skinks and geckos remember to stay outside in future.

There goes another helitak over the roof, they come in quite low.

Well off to get in the washing, try to find some courage and hopefully sleep better tonight with the cooler change to mid 30's.

Thanks for popping by.

Epic Fail and Other Bits and Pieces

2012-01-22T17:40:00.006+08:00

Just a quick update, just in case you are popping by to see if I am here.

To start with I am not going to well with the whole injection thing. After the pain of the first injection (see post here), I woke up on the the following Sunday full of trepidation. I actually felt physically ill. So long story short, I got the injection pen out, let it warm up to room temperature, took myself to the bedroom and promptly had a small breakdown. Well maybe not so small, but after about 30-45 minutes of sobbing and yelling at myself (in my head) I finally got the courage up, pressed the button and nothing happened, the bloody thing did not go off. Well that was the final straw, and the meltdown took on epic proportions. I don't know how kids do this to themselves, and I know there are a lot of kids with arthritis who used this drug. So I sort of went into a dark funk for days, and I couldn't tell anyone (well my hubby knew).

Then the following Saturday night, I got a huge welt on my thigh at the first injection site (12 cms across by 9 cms wide), hot, red and painful. It was worse on the Sunday morning, the day to give myself the 3 injection. So off I went to the GP After Hours at the local hospital, sat there for over 2 hours, finally saw the Doctor and apparently it was a delayed allergic reaction! 14 days after the event no less. So his advice was not to take the 3rd injection, but to go onto anti-histamines and to use the ointment he prescribed and to give myself the injection today.

So on Friday, what do I spy, but a large red area on my big toe, so off to the doctor that afternoon, and I have an infection near my toenail. Her advice, no injection today as I can not use Enbrel if I have an infection.

I saw my normal GP on Wednesday between the GP After Hours and Friday just gone and she phoned my rheumy about the allergic reaction, his advice is to ice the area 10 minutes before injection and to stay on anti-histamines for the next 3 months. Really is it worth all this? My GP also mentioned that a small percentage of people using Enbrel find the pain of the injection (not the needle itself but the solution) so bad that they can not bring themselves to inject. What's the bet that is me???

So on a totally different note, it is so bloody humid here in Perth at the moment that I am really struggling, and let me say it is making me very grumpy to be around. Somehow I don't think a trip to the tropics is going to happen any time soon. Last night the humidity here was hovering between 88-90% from 12am to 4 am, needless to say, I didn't get much sleep. Even now it is back up to 70%, cloudy and feels like it needs to rain. And yes, I am such a tragic that I check the local weather site, which is about 1 km from where I live, on my iPad in the middle of the night - I am turning into my mother (love you Mum).

However, all the humidity is giving my lovely frangipanis a growth and flowering flourish, so here are some photos I thought I would share

This is one of our 2 tricolours although the white is

not so noticeable until they age a little

We have 3 whites

This gorgeous hot pink

And this is one of my new ones, it is called orange-yellow and it is stunning

I still have 3 reds which are not flowering yet and another new one, which is supposed to be pink and white but it has not thrown up any flower spikes yet, but boy is it growing.

Thanks for popping by, and a special thanks to the wonderful Elephant's Child for all her support via email.

Happy Birthday Mum

2012-01-02T07:00:00.002+08:00

Today my Mum celebrates her 80th birthday. It will be a small celebration with family rather than a big party. A lot of her friends are no longer with us, so my family will pop on down for afternoon tea and share some cake and a cuppa.

Through all the ups and downs of her life, she is still smiling (most of the time), although like me, pain is her constant companion. She doesn't get out and about much any more, but has connections all over the world though FaceBook and emails. Given she didn't get a computer till she was in her 70's she's done pretty well in picking it all up. Oh and she also blogs over at A Geriatric Grandmother

With my 4 children (her grand-children) and her two great grand-daughters in April 2008

(my brother's two children are missing from the photo)

With her lovely other half, my step-father

So Mum, Happy Birthday. I love you so much and thank you for all you have done throughout my life. You know the times that you have been there for me. I hope that the years ahead are kind to you and that you have many more birthday celebrations to come.

Love you xxx

Well That F'ing Hurt

2012-01-01T17:16:00.006+08:00

First of all Happy New Year lovely people out there in the Blogosphere - hoping that you are all looking forward to a great 2012. May it be filled with love, laughter, happiness and good health. May all your dreams come true, this is my wish for you. xxx

Now onto the F'ing Hurt bit!!!

If you have been reading here for a while you will know that I have a couple of types of arthritis, and pain - especially if standing or walking for long, is something I have become familiar with. During 2011 I have been on 2 different types of medication, both with great side effects like nausea and diarrhoea, hair loss, dry skin and sleepless nights. Just the sort of thing you like to add on the top of Menopause - lol. Although I have lost 8 kgs since the end of July - not a great way to lose weight, but I suppose it is a bonus if you use the glass half full method.

Finally in late November my rhuematologist applied to the Federal Government to see if I could move to the new biological drugs, very expensive, and so to get them at a reasonable price you have to try the older drugs to see if they work. For me, they didn't. Now these new wonder drugs are not tablets or pills but you have to inject them. This is a big deal for me, I remember running around a doctors surgery once when I was a child, to avoid a flu needle - needless to say, I didn't get the needle that time. As I grew up, I can say that I gradually got over my fear of getting needles from someone else (although there is always a little bit of fear there still) and blood tests are like a walk in the park and don't worry me at all. So maybe it is the thought of something going into my body rather than out of it that is my phobia.

But giving myself a needle, well that is a whole different story. So the Doctor asked for an auto-inject pen, like an epi-pen, rather than pre-filled syringes. Like that was going to take away my fear!

So mid-December the approval came through and off my hubby went to the Chemist to get my new meds - you have to take an esky as they need to be kept cold. When he got home we discovered that they had given us the syringes even though the script very clearly said pens.

So after some jumping up and down, the chemist agreed to get the pens in. They took a week and arrived just before Christmas, and they have sat in the fridge, just waiting for me to get up the courage to use them.

Lots of people, kindly suggested having my hubby do the injections for me, but I don't want him to be my nurse, he already does so much for me, and I don't want to cross that line any time soon.

So this morning, when hubby had gone out, I took the pen from the fridge, let it get to room temperature, took off the white cap, swabbed my thigh, applied the pen and then pressed the button. It f'ing hurt like a wasp, bee, and bull ant were all biting me at the same time, not the needle but the fluid, it was like injecting acid under my skin (not that I know what injecting acid would be like but you get the drift). I was so tense about it all, I burst into hysterical sobs, but somehow I held it there until it finished. Which to be honest was only a few seconds, but even afterwards, my thigh stung for quite a while.

So I managed to do it once, now I just have to find the courage to do it again next Sunday, and the Sunday after, and the Sunday after for at least 12 weeks to see if it has made a difference.

All I can say is ... crap, this better work.

Online Shopping Deliveries With A Twist - A Lovely Twist

2011-12-22T11:33:00.006+08:00

Due to my arthritis, this year I have done pretty much all my Christmas shopping online at JBs, Borders, Dymocks, as well as some clothes shopping for me at MySize and some moisturiser from Strawberry Net and some FootKiss products from OKme. Plus quite a few online Australia Toy Stores (but not too much about that in case a certain little grand-daughter finds out).

It has been such fun getting parcels, although the queuing at the Post Office, not so much fun for my hubby.

Anyway, cutting to the chase, on Tuesday night I got home from work, tired and cranky and just looked at the pile of items, but didn't check them. I was just not in the mood.

So imagine my utter delight when last night I opened a box that I thought was the FootKiss products

to find lots of those polystyrene thingys

and hidden beneath them was not my FootKiss products but this!!!

A Grosvenor Fine Bone China set - and believe me,

these photos do not do this justice.

Isn't it beautiful - tears swelled in my eyes as I knew even before reading the note, who this was from - the beautiful Tanya at MadMother.

Earlier this year I posted about getting me some pretty. Tanya had recently lost her Mum and she generously offered to send me something of her Mums (Wise Woman). I had all but forgotten the offer with every else going on in my life, but not MM. She has struggled with Wise Woman's death and it is only now she is finding the strength to return to her Mother's house and start to pack up all the memories. Something I know that I too will struggle with when my Mum leaves this earth. And yet, she remembered me and her promise, even with all she is dealing with ...

So Tanya, from the bottom of my heart I thank you, not only for sharing part of Wise Woman with me by sending me this generous gift but for these words as well ....

I chose this set because it reminded me of you, bright and beautiful, fragile and yet strong.

Much love to you, Big Boy, Boy 1 and Boy 2 and may you have a Christmas and New Year filled with all things wonderful xxxx

p.s. I think I used a box of tissues writing this post, that is how much my heart is touched by your beautiful spirit.

It's Been A Long Time Coming - This Blog Post Has

2011-12-11T12:58:00.007+08:00

Thank you to those who have continued to hang around waiting for me to get my blogging mojo back, not sure it is back, but here goes.

Max Updates:

Sensory Deprivation - Max is still occasionally having bouts of kittenish 'Mad Max' behaviour where he drives us all up the wall, especially our old cat Jarmie. Purely by accident, one day he got in my huge hall cupboard and went to sleep on an old quilt behind some cushions. Quite the little hidey hole, took me ages to find him as he wouldn't answer me when I called!! He now asks to get into the cupboard quite often. On days when he is having one of those moments, I put him there, nearly close the door so it is all dark and off he goes to sleep. Waking much calmer. Right now though he is tucked up in his little bed near my feet.

Toilet Antics - Max does not like it when I go to the toilet and close the door. He yowls and scratches for me to let him in. So when there is no one home I leave the door open for him to come in. His latest trick is to to climb into my pants, I know that sounds weird, but I don't know how else to explain it. My trousers and undies rest on my ankles and somehow he gets under my undies and lies down in my pants until I am ready to resume the upright position!! Strange cat.

Baby - When Max was a kitten I got him a tunnel to run through and hide in. Inside the tunnel was a little fluffy ball with a bell inside which was attached to the tunnel by a piece of elastic. Max nearly strangled himself one day by tightly wrapping the elastic around his neck, hence I cut the ball out. He has spent hours playing with the fluffy ball since then, so much so that now it is just a piece of ragged fluff. The plastic ball that encased the bell has fallen out as he slowly broke through the material (and has never been found). I thought that would be the end of 'baby' as the bell had gone, but he still runs around with this piece of fluff, tossing it in the air, carrying it in his mouth, patting it across the floor, kicking it as he walks past. He brings it to bed, drops it in his water bowl and feeds it by putting it on top of his dry food. It is so tattered but of all his toys it is the one he loves best.

Holiday - hubby and I went away for a few days and put Max and Jarmie into holiday care at a really nice cattery. Max was absolutely shattered when we picked him up, he yowled all the way home, crying his little heart out and telling me all about how much he missed us. He would not leave us alone for weeks. Yowling each time we were out of his sight. I think I was as traumatised as he was, not sure I can ever leave him again and will be looking for a house/cat sitter when and if we travel overseas next year.

Oh and Max continues to drum with the hubby any time he can.

Now for my updates:

Holiday - had a 3 week holiday in November, did none of the things I had planned in the house like painting, choosing new carpet, tidying my study, painting and so on. Did go away to beautiful Margaret River for a few days, but was evacuated (missing out on the last 2 days and 1 night) due to a huge and destructive bushfire. Thankfully the beautiful place we stay was not damaged unlike 39 house and 9 chalets and a historic home. No human lives were lost, but many of our native animals would not have been able to outrun this fire, it was fast, hot and unpredictable.

Unbelievably great view to wake up to every day, so glad it survived.

Work - still debating whether to drop to 3 days per week next year, as there is so much work and unless I can job share there is no hope of me keeping up. Going back after 3 weeks off to the same crap that was there before I left, has left me despondent to say the least.

Health - have finally finished the 2nd drug trail which did little good, and now my doctor has written to the Federal Health Dept requesting permission for me to be put on the expensive 'biological' drugs for my type of arthritis. Means I have to give myself a weekly injection, but hopefully will mean a halt to the progress of degeneration and some pain relief. Supposedly less side effects as well, which will be great as I am over the nausea and diarrhoea that hits me almost daily.

Christmas - being hosted at my eldest daughter's with all of us bringing food to share. We are doing Secret Santa again for the adults, which takes a lot of stress off choosing presents and also means people get what they want rather than random things they put in the cupboard. I get everyone to make a list of what they would like, with multiple options, so they don't know exactly what they will be getting on the day. My biggest grand-daughter helped me with the draw which was nice.

Other stuff - there are other bits and pieces I will be sharing soon, but now is not quite the time.

Oh, and I have gone darker with my hair colour, loving the colour and shine.

So once again, thanks for visiting and leaving me messages of support, especially MyBabyJohn, Elephant Child and Kam and I will try and be back here often and try and get back to reading your blogs as well. xxx

GUESS WHO'S 1 TODAY???

2011-09-25T06:30:00.002+08:00

If you guessed Max, then you were right. As he was the kitten of my middle daughter's neighbour's cat, I know the day he was born.

He has settled down so much over the last couple of months, there are fewer and fewer mad runs through the house, but he still loves to play. His latest love, is a fluffy ball with a bell inside, he runs around with it in his mouth before tossing it into the air and batting it along the floor.

He is just so grown up now that yesterday he took on the role of supervisor to my hubby!! Hubby had to take the range hood apart so he could do a spot of painting/touch-up on the wall. Max was up there in a flash to make sure hubby did it all to plan. Here are the photos I just had to take.

Now Dad are you doing it right. What about this bit down here?

Supervising from the top of the fridge!

I'm Still Here

2011-09-23T11:43:00.006+08:00

Thanks to @mybabyjohn and @the elephant's child for checking on me during my absence, and to my youngest daughter and her girlfriend Kam for taking the time to see if I am okay as they have missed my blog posts. Love you all xxx

The quick low down is that I am battling my arthritis at the moment, and nothing I do seems to be improving my pain levels at great deal. However, the trigger point acupuncture that the physio is doing, is releasing some of my muscle pain and I am confident that over time this will continue to help.

I don't really want to blog endlessly about how bad I am feeling so that is the reason I have not been here much. Nor do I feel inspired to be here when I feel so low.

But I love that people care, it makes me cry a little but in a good way - if you know what I mean.

Now to put a funny spin on the day I would like to share some photos of funny face (aka my younger daughter). Funny face tends to pick up your camera when you are not around and take photos for you to find at a later date. These are from a few years ago, but I found them again recently. Now I haven't asked her permission, but hey, I'm sure she won't mind. The first 5 she left on my eldest daughter's camera and the last 4 on mine - all on the same day.

And these two show you how beautiful she is when she is not pulling funny faces.

Father's Day And The Issues It Raised

2011-09-05T06:00:00.001+08:00

So I rang my father to wish him a Happy Father's Day and got off the phone totally spun out.

The last time I saw my father I did this post, other posts including this one after my mother-in-law's funeral, show who my father is. This is persona he has shown me most of my life, right from my childhood (this post which was one of my earlier posts).

Today's phone call was done with duty in mind, I feel I have to at least acknowledge him for without him I would not have been born. I dread these phone calls, birthdays/ Christmas/ Father's Day, they always reinforce my opinion of him. One I have had since childhood.

Then today, just before our phone call ended, he did something that has left me feeling confused. He asked how I was going, he expressed concern about my hubby, he admitted the last time he was too pushy and acknowledged he was the reason it all happened. The thing is, I could tell he really meant it, not that someone had prompted him to say something, but that he had actually thought about it, about me and was concerned. He said he wished that we had meaningful conversations, that I could talk to him about my life.

In 56 years of life, I have never felt so unsure of my perceptions of who my father is.

Sharing Some Bloggy Love

2011-09-04T11:05:00.001+08:00

Sharing some bloggy love again today, snippets of blog posts I have loved over the past week. If you haven't already seen them, pop over and share some love too.

Tenille from Help Mum - is taking my language with rhubarb and yoghurt muffins, I love rhubarb.

Delores from The Feathered Nest has a couple of posts that really spoke to my heart, here is one and here is the other. Delores is one of the most prolific bloggers on my blog list, and she is always worth a visit.

Now you know I love Beth at BabyMac and this Vlog of hers, well it says what all of us think about anonymous commenters - don't be scared by Beth's face before you press play, she really keeps her cool while telling it like it is. Way to go Beth.

This post at Jemikaan is worth a visit. It touches my heart in many ways, her journey feels so familiar to me. It questions how much we should share here in cyberspace. But if it was not for us putting it out there, would we make the connections that in some small way sometimes helps us move forward? Her follow up post is also worth a read.

Kirrily at Sunny Side Up reposted from 2008 - I am so glad she did. I don't want to give anything a way, so pop on over and have a read.

and last but in no way least Joan from Anything Fits A Naked Man asks a question that all of us should contemplate.

A Birthday Post & Something Old Is New Again

2011-09-04T06:00:00.002+08:00

Today is my eldest grand-daughter's 15th birthday, it seems just like yesterday that I was there when she was born. I am so proud of the person she has become, even with the hurdles that have been placed in her way, she is truly amazing. Happy 15th Birthday C, I will always love you to the moon and back.

I wrote this post back in 2009 and today seemed like a good day to bring it back as part of Something Old Is New Again.

Moments in Time - My First Grandchild

Dear C

I remember so clearly the day your Mum came and told us she was pregnant - she had not long been living away from home, she was just 18 and she bought her best friend with her for support. Somehow I knew what she was coming to tell us. I think she was worried we would be angry - but how could I be angry, I had my first child at 17 - why would I cast stones. Did I worry about her being a young Mum - of course I did, it is not an easy road, but then being a parent at any age is a challenge.

Not long after the big news, we found out that your Mum was going to be a single mum - your Dad was not going to be part of the journey. I knew that it would be okay as your Mum is a survivor and she would do the best she could even though she was on her own.

Your Mum moved back in with us a few months before you were born and we got to see first hand how her tummy swelled, we got to talk to her about the doctors visits and I got to go the ultrasound when you were just 18 weeks old - how excited I was to see you moving about with all the boxes ticked to show you were healthy and well.

I got to help Mum chose your clothes, pram and car seat - we got your crib and had fun getting it all ready for when you arrived.

We got to talk with your Mum while she chose names - Lachlan James was going to be your name if you were a boy - and a boy is what we thought you were going to be - the Dr had told your Mum he thought she was having a boy following one of the ultrasounds he did in his surgery about 6 weeks before you were born. And so I would rub your Mum's tummy and talk to you and call you Lachlan - I wanted you to know your name and how much you were loved even before you were born.

Your Mum and I went to 'birth classes' together as I was going to be Mum's 'birth partner' - I was so excited as I had never been involved in someone else giving birth - and it is not the same as when you do it yourself.

Mum got bigger and bigger and then her feet began to swell with fluid and I was worried that her kidneys were not coping, but the Dr kept saying all was okay - which really wasn't totally true.

Your due date came and went and your Mum got bigger and so they decided to induce you. I took Mum to hospital the night before you were born and was to come back in the morning to be there for the birth. I arrived at the hospital at 8 o'clock and was so excited when I was walking in to see your Mum - today was the day that we were going to meet. The drugs they used on Mum worked really fast and she was already in labour when I got there - but they also did something strange to your Mum and she kept lapsing in and out of consciousness - I was so worried that something was really wrong - and the nurses didn't know what was happening either, so they stopped the drugs - but your Mum still was only semi conscious most of the time.

The doctor arrived around 11.30 to check Mum out as the nurses had rung him and your Mum managed to say 'I want to push' and of course the Dr said 'No you don't'. Then he checked and said 'Oh yes she does' and so we all rushed around to the delivery room, nurses and Dr and me pushing your Mum's bed, whizzing past other people walking down the corridors.

We somehow managed to get your Mum from her bed onto the delivery bed and then the Dr was saying 'Push' and your Mum was still not fully conscious and then the Dr said 'OK I need forceps' and suddenly your Mum roused herself and said 'I can do this' and she did - with just a little help from the vacuum to get you out the last little bit.

I felt like I was going to burst, I was so excited and then the Dr said 'Oh I made a mistake' and thought he had done something wrong with Mum or you and then he said 'Its a girl' and I laughed - I was so relived that there was nothing really wrong, just that he thought you were a boy. Mum and I cried when we saw you - Mum could hardly hold you as she was still so spaced out from the drugs, and you have some very hearty cries to let us know you were here.

I got to cut your cord and see you weighed while the Dr and nurses looked after your Mum - I got to cuddle you close while your Mum whispered your name to you - luckily she had a girl's name picked out too. I got to give you your first bath while Mum was recovering - they wouldn't let her out of bed in case she fainted.

Words can not express the love I felt for you on this special day - I knew that we would be bonded for eternity - you are my precious chicken and no matter how old you get - I will always love you to the moon and back - and just know that nothing will ever be able to change that.

xxx

The Elephant In The Room

2011-09-03T06:00:00.001+08:00

Last week in my PMT on Steroids post, I mentioned my teddies and my elephant with pink spots and promised to tell you about her.

Now I am not a big hoarder of toys, but I do have 3 teddies and a pink rabbit, which are not from my childhood, and my latest addition is my elephant.

When my littlest grand-daughter was born, her Mum and Dad lived in Sydney, on the East Coast of Australia, a 4 hour flight from here.

I was determined to build the same connection to her as I have with my eldest grand-daughter and so there were many flights across to visit after she was born. In fact I racked up a fair few frequent flier points in the year before they moved back to Perth.

Each time I was over there, I would take my daughter shopping for baby things at one of the big baby shops. Lot of practical things were purchased and the odd fun item. On one visit I spied this cute and cuddly (so soft that even I loved cuddling it) elephant with pink spots. It had the cutest little face and I could not resist buying it for my littlest munchkin. She still plays with her elephant nearly 3 years later.

So imagine my delight when out buying some baby gifts for one of my staff members, when I spied this little elephant all the way over here in Perth. I couldn't resist - again!!! And so she now shares the chair with the teddies.

My grand-daughter saw her the other day and wanted to know how her elephant had got to my place - lol.

We are never too old to cuddle a teddy, or in this case an elephant!!

Could you resist this cute face and cheeky smile??

Healthy Gardens - One of our frogs

2011-09-02T06:02:00.001+08:00

Hubby was out reorgansing his orchids the other day when I heard him shout - bring the camera.

Every year we find a couple of lovely frogs hiding somewhere in the orchids. Here is the latest one - isn't he a beauty?

I am sure he is smiling in one photo - happy little frog!

Motorbike Frog - Litoria moorei

Find our more about frogs of WA here - click on the frog sound button and enjoy the chorus we regularly hear in our backyard.

Spring Has Sprung

2011-09-01T06:00:00.001+08:00

My sinuses are on overdrive at the moment and Spring is only just officially blooming.

Every day I walk into our house after work and all I can smell is Jasmine, it is having the best blooming season ever and my sinuses are not impressed. The flowers are stunning, and the scent is heady but maybe not a good garden plant for me.

Still it is staying, it has grown so lusciously over the old tree stump in our backyard that I can not bear to kill it off. Look at all those buds just waiting for burst forth.

Happy Spring Days, my sympathies if you suffer like I do!!

Another 10 Year Anniversary - Something Old Is New Again

2011-08-30T19:50:00.004+08:00

Today is the anniversary of the life changing car accident that my grand-daughter luckily survived. Sunday 4th September is her 15th birthday.

She rang me tonight to chat and I asked her how her day had been. She told me she had found the day a little hard as it was 10 years since her accident. She wrote about it in her school journal and tried to see the positives, like she is still alive. I try and do that too. We could have so easily lost her. Somehow she survived and she tells me that her Grumpy Eddie came to see her so she knew she would be alright. 10 years ago was the day that Grumpy Eddie was cremated, it was the reason she was not with her mother or us, as the funeral service was in a country town. She knows that, but she still believes he came to visit her in hospital - and maybe, just maybe he did and gave her back to us.

I wrote this recycled post in May 2010, it was titled - Excuse The Bragging But A Proud Grandma Lives Here.

A few weeks ago my eldest grand-daughter invited me to attend a drama performance at her high school. Yesterday was the big day.

By the standards of most high school productions, it wasn't the grandest, it wasn't the biggest, it wasn't the most well attended but it sure brought tears to this grandma's eyes and pride to her heart.

As I have blogged before, just before her 5th birthday my grand-daughter was involved in a car accident that left her with acquired brain injury. Through this she suffers from learning disabilities, weakness in one side and epilepsy among other things. She has lots of things stacked against her, but she also has, what I see, as a lot of qualities that other teenagers don't necessarily have. The one that stands out the most to me is her generous and beautiful heart and soul. Yesterday, this was on show for all to see.

Their were only 5 actors in the production, all of them were from the Education Support Centre at the high school. Along with their drama teacher, the students came up with the concept, worked out to plot line, and wrote the play.

The plot was simple, there was a king with 3 princess daughters - each of them was beautiful but conceited and mean. They played pranks on each other, they fought and they yelled. The king was worried about which princess would rule his kingdom when he died - he couldn't see any good qualities in any of them. The king devised a plan and let his daughter's know that he was hosting a ball and whichever daughter showed themselves to be the most noble on the night would be the one that ruled. The daughters continued to fight and play tricks on each other right up to the night of the ball. Then their fairy godmother appeared to tell them to look at themselves as they should be ashamed that they had so much and yet acted as if they had so little. That night at the ball each princess showed the king just how perfect they could be, because they now saw how wrong they had been and acknowledge how much they loved each other. The king was happy and announced that all 3 would rule the kingdom together.

Each of the student actors had very few lines as it was a narrated story with the drama teacher narrating. Each of the princesses had a beautiful costume loaned from the local theatre company. The props were few, the stage dressing minimal. 5 actors performed to the best of their abilities. The audience laughed at the comedy. The audience occasionally strained to hear the spoken lines as the actors were very nervous. There was one princess who acted her heart out, who remembered all her lines and needed no prompting but who also held the hand of another princess when she was too scared to come out, who while standing in the wings quietly encouraged the others and reminded them what to do. That princess was mine.

I know she had made her Mum's life unbearable yesterday morning as she was having a meltdown about the day, but when it came time, she did it, she did it well and she also cared about those performing with her. She didn't get caught up in the 'it's all about me' attitude that so often comes with teenagers and let's face it some adults. She truly made this Grandma's heart proud.

For MyBabyJohn - The Antics of Max

2011-08-28T07:02:00.001+08:00

This post is just for you MyBabyJohn - thanks for your continued support and comments on my blog.

I friend of ours has asked us to sell his drum kit while he is away in America. Max has smelt every single piece of it and then popped inside the bass drum (there is a small hole, which is meant to be there, and in he popped and out he hopped and in he popped and out he hopped, over and over again!). Now I should also mention the drum was not standing up like it normally would in which case the said hole is near the floor. No it was on it's back, so to speak, and the hole was up in on top!

Max has some toy mice, which he has loved to near extinction, so I bought him some new ones, one of which somehow got it's head stuck in the door of the fridge and Max spent some time trying to pull it free. Hubby eventually released the poor mouse so Max could throw it in the air and run around with it in his mouth.

Max also has a unique style when using the litter tray, he stands up rather than squatting like other cats, resting his front paws on the cover of the tray. He also digs all the way to China to make the hole and then when covering the contents up again. Hubby reckons he will need a mining licence soon - lol.

As previously mentioned Max likes to ensure that our waste bins in our studies no longer stand upright but rather rest on their sides. He also does this with the toilet roll basket in the toilet that holds the new toilet rolls. Once he has knocked the basket over he then proceeds to take a toilet roll out for a run. Shredded toilet paper is becoming the style of the hall just outside the loo.

Max also has to come into the bathroom with me when I shower, he sits on the bathmat waiting for me to finish then rubs against my wet legs before sitting down to watch while I dry myself. When I leave the bathroom he then runs as fast as he can to beat me to the bedroom where he jumps on the bed to watch me dress. He also has to come to the toilet with me and if I close the door so he can't come in, he cries on the other side.

Max also claws my hubby's thongs, running shoes and eats the laces on his work shoes.

Max loves exploring and on numerous times has accidentally been shut in a kitchen cupboard. Luckily for him, each time not for long.

I can say that the mandarin peel worked and Max left my flowers alone for a whole week. I can also say that he is calming down a lot with less Mad Max runs around the house - they are not totally gone but definitely on the decline.

Sharing Some More Blog Love

2011-08-27T18:34:00.005+08:00

These are my picks of the week, if you haven't already visited - pop on over and share some love.

River from Drifting Through Life has moved home and is feeling more settled, and is even back at work. The tenant before her though left a legacy of birds behind - one would have thought the owner would have cleaned but River in her usual 'lets get it done' persona has not let that stand in her way of making this her new home. Pop on over and read through this week's posts and share some bloggy love.

We need to send some cyberhugs to Farmer's Wifey, her week started well, but has been steadily going downhill since. Mind you I had to smile at the image of her in her hubster's jocks because the washing machine won't work. Love you Farmer's Wifey xxx

This particular post struck a chord with me over at Under The Yardarm, we take so much for granted in our lives and sometimes when we least expect it, we have even more clarity about just how lucky we are to live in this wonderful land.

Tenille at Help Mum gives a timely warning for those of you using WordPress, a viral worm that is a little hard to pin down. She also lets you know how to check if it is hidden on your blog.

There are lots more goodies out there, just have a look in my Sharing the Love feed - just over there to the right.

Happy reading xxx

PMT on Steroids

2011-08-27T07:20:00.001+08:00

In yesterday's post entitled "I Nearly Blogged About", this would have been the stuff and nonsense I mentioned that was in my brain for last Tuesday.

Menopausal Madness is overtaking my brain cells. I mean this is like PMT on Steroids - the RAGE people, the RAGE is alive and well right here in my head!!!

Now I don't want to scare you, especially those of you who are years and years from the big M, but truly this is just so out of the box for me.

Back in the years when I had periods I occasionally suffered PMT, I say occasionally as it certainly was not every time or even every 2nd time (my family may beg to differ but I do warn them that the RAGE is here - so on your heads people). And when I did, it was a mild grumpiness with those around me and of course the odd stranger who did stupid things on the road or in shopping centres or ... you know what I mean. Most of the time I kept it to myself and never actually harmed anything except the odd slammed door or muttering under my breath.

But this, this is HUGE, I mean last Sunday I could visualise myself doing the famous Psycho scene on my next door neighbour - you know Don Burke with the chainsaw and Russian Bride! Okay, he wasn't naked in the shower or in black and white, but there was the music and the screwdriver and me and him sprawled on his driveway with his clothes on, but blood lots of blood.

RAGE .. it is the only way I can describe it. I mean, I could see myself grabbing a screwdriver and repeatedly stabbing this man in the back. Don't ask me why a screwdriver, I don't have one handy but that is what was in my head.

I hear you ask why? What had this poor man done to earn my wrath? Well it was a lovely sunny day, so my window was open in the study while I worked on a project and all I can hear is him and that bloody gate and him and the vacuum cleaner and him and the grunting while gardening and him and the laughing and him and the ... you get my drift.

Enter the idiots on trailbikes zooming illegally around the suburb. Well they truly pushed me over the edge, if it hadn't been for the teddies sitting on the chair in my study looking at me with those concerned eyes, well, people it would have been a massacre!!

Instead I went and laid down on the bed and cuddled Max in the afternoon sunshine and did deep breathing. Prison term avoided. Lets hope I have the strength next time the RAGE hits!!

I can tell you the teddies were very relieved, and so was the elephant with pink spots - and no I have not been drinking. I will tell you about my elephant one day soon - I promise.

10 Years Ago

2011-08-26T18:55:00.005+08:00

10 Years Ago today this man left us.

10 years on, we still miss him.

This man was my father in law, he was funny, loving and kind.

He was the strong influence who made my man the man he is.

It is because of him that my man worships me and loves me unconditionally. It is because of him that my man takes care of me and my family so well. For that is how this man loved his wife and family.

Tonight we remember him.

Right now his son is shedding a quiet tear because he suddenly remembered the date. It is not that he does not think of his father often, in fact he misses him even more now than when he left. But dates creep up on us sometimes and catch us by surprise. Even I who normally remember dates had forgotten.

So for my 450th post, it seems fitting that I dedicate it to you Eddie, I am sorry we almost forgot the date, but we will never, ever forget you. xxx

I Nearly Blogged About ....

2011-08-26T18:43:00.003+08:00

On Monday, I nearly blogged about the results of The Block, had the post written in my head as I lay in bed on Sunday night. Then life got in the way.

On Tuesday, I nearly blogged about the antics of Max, my hayfever and just stuff and nonsense.

On Wednesday, I nearly blogged about, well now I come to think about it - I didn't even turn the computer on - lol

On Thursday, I nearly blogged about a day in the country with work.

On Friday (today) I finally blogged about - well nothing really.

It has just been one of those weeks.

On the weekend I will be blogging about sharing some bloggy love, some personal stuff and maybe my 450th post, because this one is 449!!

Hope you week has been more 'blog productive'. Off to read some of what you have been saying now.

Sharing Some More Blog Love

2011-08-20T11:17:00.004+08:00

This week has been an emotional one for me, so today I went out into cyberspace (blogs and FB) to see if I could find any inspiration to kick start my weekend, or just to make me smile. Happy to say I found me some and here are a few I'd like to share

On my friend Amanda's FB page I found this wonderful link which is a video of Amanda's friend Amy's stunning macro photography. This talented photographer can also be found on Red Bubble - it is well worth a look.

Talking about Amanda, she is one creative lady as well and has just started a new blog about creativity - feel like being creatively inspired? Well pop on over and share some blog love with Amanda today.

Now Farmer's Wife over at Life In The Country is talking my sort of soup - what a yummy easy recipe. I'll be sure to try this one.

Now at 5' 7" I am not a short arse, but apparently if you need to know if you are, check out This Is Taryn and see if you qualify. Love your work Taryn!!

And newsflash, just added - you have to check out this amazingly beautiful post over at NappyDaze. Beautiful, beautiful words Donna - left me with a tear in my eye.

So there's my bloggy love for the week. Oh and hubby just went shopping and because chocolate is my comfort food of choice I asked for Cadbury's coconut rough and he came home with Peppermint Cream - because that's what you get when there is not the one asked for??? Love you honey, but next time just get me plain.

Heavy Hearted

2011-08-19T06:00:00.001+08:00

Today is the first anniversary of the loss of my unborn grandson (at around 16-17 weeks gestation). My heart is heavy with the loss of my little frog prince.

I know that a lot of people, including some in my family I suppose, will not understand how I can still be mourning a grandson that I never got to meet. One that was lost so early in his development.

I suppose I wonder that myself sometimes.

But I remember the joy at the phone call from my daughter just after she had a positive pregnancy test.

I didn't know it was a a little boy until just before he left. But, just like his parents, I was already dreaming of holding him, of bonding, of loving him as much as my 2 grand-daughters.

I felt their pain when it all began to go wrong. I gave them my shoulder so they had someone strong to lean on. I cuddled my littlest grand-daughter when her parents had to go to hospital, knowing they would come home without him. I know how much it tore my daughter's heart out, I know the emptiness she still feels.

My grandchildren mean so much to me. Their unconditional love, the bond I have with both of them. There was room for one more, and so I miss him, the thought of him, the smell of him, the warmth of him.

Sweet rest my little frog prince, Grandma misses you so much and will always love you. May angels look after you forever. xxx

Something Old Is New Again - Recycling Old Posts No 3

2011-08-17T06:59:00.005+08:00

Recycling another old post this one from early in 2009.

This week I have been thinking a lot about my family and how memories can be made from simple things. I hope that my children and grand-children can always remember the good times more easily than the bad.

It seems way back in early 2009 I was struggling a little and so I wrote this to remind myself that over all I did really have a great childhood. Certainly there were a lot less pressures than it seems there are today.

Good Childhood Memories - 11 January 2009

On going back through my blog of late, I seem to be in a maudlin frame of mind and it may seem I have only bad memories of my childhood. So here are some of the good ones!

Staying over at Grandma Win's house and having afternoon tea with my own little teapot and cup and saucer - real leaf tea too with milk and sugar.

Having breakfast in Grandma Win's little sun room - although runny eggs were a little bit of a downside - but the white toast soldiers with real butter to dip in the eggs made up for that.

Having a really, really big yard to play in with a huge plum tree that we made cubbies under (it was more like a bush than a tree - I think it was a plum tree - Mum if you read this you can correct me if I am wrong?)

Wearing beautiful hand made clothes my Mum made - I was a bit of a fashion plate in primary school - especially the yellow bib and brace circle skirt with the white blouse with puffed sleeves and with rows of embroidery on the bottom of the skirt.

Always having pets - especially Angel the cat and Jenny the dog - and a sheep and a parrot and finches.

Living in a 2-storey house and running up and down the stairs (and sliding down the bottom banister - never had the nerve for the top one!

Dad's train set - although we weren't not really allowed to play with it, but it was still heaps of fun - and I think there were times I did play with it when Dad didn't know.

Having a piano and being privileged enough to have piano lessons.

Listening to my Mum play 'Rustle of Spring' on the piano.

Having lots of great friends like Sally, Marcia, Anita, Dianne, Jill and Linda in Primary School and Anna, Gloria, Donna, Claire, Sue and others at Iona.

Having the freedom to go to the library in town on the bus all on my own from about 8.

My Grandma Win taking me to the pictures at the Astor in Mt Lawley and seeing Sound of Music - my very first big person's movie and still a favourite today.

Grandma Grace and her budgies.

Grandpa Jim when his pants fell down while he was shutting the gate.

Mum loving the Beatles and having music in our house.

Mum's little green car with the pop in side window thingys.

Having our own proper cubby house that Dad made, with real windows and a door and it was like a big room in the back yard that grown ups could stand in - that's how big it was.

Playing with Marcia and sliding down the grassy slope in our yard on boards.

Pretending I had boobs and wearing my cousins second hand bra and stuffing it with tissues and going to a birthday party in Grade 7.

Getting Bella the doll from my Aunty Verna who's husband was in the diplomatic core - Bella came all the way from Switzerland - she was a beautiful doll with real hair.

Watching our own firecracker show in our own backyard on Guy Fawkes Night - that was when Perth was allowed to have crackers - especially the catherine wheels.

Playing 'knuckle-bones' at school with my friends.

The freedom of growing up in the 60s and 70s before everyone became so scared of bad things happening to their children.

I'm sure there are more to come - stayed tuned.

The Interwebs, One Of The Things I Love

2011-08-15T17:18:00.004+08:00

I have noticed lately, when popping around commenting, how many people that I know through following them and commenting on their blogs are now following and commenting on blogs that I have followed since the beginning.

It is sort of nice, that other bloggers either see people in my 'Sharing the Love' section, or when they comment on my blog and go off to find them too. Just like I do when visiting.

The physical space that divides us, seems so small when we connect and weave interwebs in cyberspace. How nice if one day I got to meet every single one of you. It sort of feels like some of you I know very very well and yet we have never ever met.

Max Proofing - Whatever Works

2011-08-14T15:15:00.005+08:00

Max likes to eat flowers, more than once I have come home/woken to find either the vase knocked over and water everywhere, or leaves and petals, sometimes even whole flower heads, strewn on the bench.

Yesterday I bought myself some lovely yellow and white roses, got them home and within 2 minutes of me starting to put them in the vase, Max was there on the bench trying to eat the foliage!!

Once the vase of flowers was ready, I moved them to another part of the bench, thinking maybe he wouldn't notice. Right!!

So after numerous times of me getting him off the bench, I ended up putting the vase in the bathroom and shutting the door. Sort of defeated the purpose of having some nice flowers in the house.

A little later I was eating a mandarin and Max jumped on my knee, smelt the citrus, wrinkled his nose and jumped down again. This reminded me, derr, that cats don't like citrus.

Here now is my vase of roses ... and so far, Max has left them alone.

So okay, not the best decorating idea, but I can ignore them and just concentrate on the roses.

I Think Spring Is Coming

2011-08-13T13:12:00.005+08:00

Today is a balmy sunny day, around 23C, with a brisk breeze, apparently storms are on the horizon from tonight with rain for most of next week. But today, well a little taste of the Spring that is coming I think. I've done my washing and it is almost dry, not bad for a Winter's day.

We need a long winter here in Perth to top up our water supply dams, but somehow I don't think that is going to be the case, if today is anything to go by.

My hayfever is already popping, with itchy eyes and ears and nose. Hang in their Winter we really need you to for just a little while longer.

The Russian Bride?

2011-08-12T05:00:00.001+08:00

One of our next door neighbours is a woman in her late 50s, she doesn't appear to have a husband. She shuffles, a lot, I mean how hard is it to pick up your feet? I surmise that she drinks a lot, given the amount of cans and bottles I hear tipped into the recycling bin, or she eats a lot of baked beans!!

She has a son, early 40s, I call him Don Burke, he is the one that butchered my climbing rose, and he gardens with a chain saw rather than a shovel. Now he is a newer addition to the her household and our neighbourhood. He apparently works overseas, well that is what he told hubby, so he is only here for a week or two very month or so. He has an annoying voice and laugh, and the number of bottles and cans going into the recycling increase expediently when he is home!! He obviously likes baked beans too.

Now I think he has a Russian Bride, the Sixty Minutes episode a few weeks back just rings true, she has to be one. Why? Well she has an accent, definitely Russian sounding, she has bleached blonde hair. She wears hot pink velour tracksuits. She doesn't drive. She doesn't work. And I keep hearing her say things like, you have to love me because I cook for you. She looks to be in her early 20s.

So what do you think - does Don Burke have a Russian Bride??

Sharing Some Blog Love Again

2011-08-10T19:50:00.002+08:00

So here is my bloggy love round up for this week.

Baby Mac - I can not get enough of this wonderful blogger - she cracked me up with this post, Only Biker Boots in the Village

And as Winter keeps coming in Perth, this delightful post on Made With Love about Spring, brightened up my day.

Diminishing Lucy was asking about Drama Queens, do you have any in your life - Yep I sure do!!

And then The Mummy Autobiography offers to show me how to make a Three Minute Chocolate Cake in a Mug - yum!!

Big Words has been receiving Help Mail from a certain celeb, pop over and check out her reply here

Thea at Do I Really Wanna Blog has a brand new look - pretty swish Thea.

The beautiful Allie at In A Beautiful Pea Green Boat is just home from having her baby boy and has some random thoughts to share. Make sure you scroll down to see some pics of the beautiful Mumma and the latest edition to the little family.

And lastly, but not least, Cate at I'll Think of a Title Later is celebrating 100 posts, you will find out so much about Cate it will leave your head reeling, your funny bone tickled and hopefully if you leave a little bloggy love in her comments she will be around for at least 100 more. Happy 100th Post Birthday Cate.

London's Burning

2011-08-09T17:10:00.004+08:00

Image and article here

Who would have thought that the old nursery rhyme about the Great Fire of London would now be true again?

My heart breaks for the young man shot dead and for his family, I understand the initial anger felt by his community. Marching to protest, peacefully, well I understand that too.

I sort of even understand if they attack police stations or police cars.

But what I don't understand is this mob mentality that now means innocent people are losing their homes, their livelihoods, that old historic buildings are now burnt out shells.

Sure I get that Britain is undergoing some major fallout from the Global Financial Crisis, but people, these are first world problems. Grow up before martial law is enforced.

There are people dying in Africa, they are not rioting, they are leaving their starving children, choosing the strongest to take with them to try and survive. Grow up and appreciate what you have, stop the riots and turn your attention to those in the third world who will never, ever have what you have.

Something Old Is New Again - Recycling Old Posts No 2

2011-08-09T05:00:00.001+08:00

Hubby and I have just returned to work after 2 weeks leave. For the last week of our holidays I had a heavy cold, which did little to help my arthritic bones. The love and caring my hubby showed me during that week, well really all the time, but I was reflecting on it a lot last week made me think again about how my mother-in-law crumbled when she lost her soul mate.

So this week I am recycling the December 2008 post following her death. Do you live with your soul mate, and how would you cope if they died?

Can Life Go On When Your Soul Mate Dies - 3/12/2008

My Mother in Law died in the early hours of Tuesday morning and she was only 75. In 2001 her husband and my Father in Law died aged 68 after a short battle with lung cancer. He was so positive that he could beat it, but by the time it was diagnosed it was not able to be treated with anything other than mild chemo which only delayed the end and before he died it had spread to his spine.

My in-laws were soul mates, each had their strengths and weaknesses that complimented each other. My f-i-l was the outgoing, strong, funny one and my m-i-l was the shy one who stood in his shadow. She was also the one who tempered his outrageous behaviour when it was required just as he boosted her confidence through his undying love for her. I'll never forget seeing them dance the waltz together at my eldest daughter's wedding, it was like watching perfect unison, eyes only for each other and never a foot wrong. They glided across the floor so in tune with each other it was awesome.

When he died my m-i-l took 2 years to remove his towel and toiletries from the bathroom and to sort through and dispose of his clothes. She tried really hard to be strong, but in reality her heart was broken. She had believed that he would get well and their life would go on.

Not long after my f-i-l had been diagnosed, she had suffered a minor stroke, and not wanting to take up his time while he was fighting the good fight, she didn't seek any therapy. The result was that she was left with a speech impediment and was often hard to understand. This made her retreat further into her shell.

She had never learned to use an atm, or to do the banking or anything to do with finance and really didn't like to drive. To be honest having driven with her once that wasn't a bad thing.

Because he had been so sure that he would survive the odds, he hadn't taken the time to teach her the things she needed to do to survive his death. My husband and his siblings did their best and took over as much as they could, my s-i-l took her to the bank every week and stood with her while she used the atm, but even then she struggled. It is not that she was not an intelligent women, after all she has raised 4 children and run a household and had even returned to work when the children were older. It was just she was struggling with her loss.

In 2005 she was diagnosed with Parkinson Syndrome and had to move to a 'hostel'. And so for the last 3 years we have watched her fade - quite literally - she seemed to shrink in height and weight, she no longer got her hair coloured and so the grey showed, she never went outside and so she became pale. Her already soft voice got quieter until in the last few weeks she no longer could talk.

We got angry, we got frustrated, we couldn't understand, how could she just give up and want to die. We wanted to yell at her, shake her, make her understand she was a women who had given birth and raised 4 children, she had 13 grandchildren and 18 great grandchildren, she had much to live for.

But her soul mate was gone - and we all had our own lives and no matter how much you want to make time, there are only so many hours in the day and so much of your own stuff you need to do to get through your life, that we could only give her hours at the most.

It seems she did not tell us how unwell she was, she was never diagnosed with anything other than her stroke and Parkinson Syndrome, but eventually she stopped walking, eating, reading, even interacting with visitors was too much. The week or so before she died it became obvious there was more than giving up wrong with her, but she had never said a word, and the diagnosis of cancer came too late, and to be honest even at the end we didn't know where the cancer was as she wouldn't or couldn't let us find out. She died peacefully in her sleep, and it is my hope that she is now reunited with the love of her life.

It also raises questions in my mind, my husband is my soul mate and I am his. Even though we both work full time and have interests that are not linked to each other, we are two parts of a whole. Can a half continue to live after the death of the other half? I know how to use an atm, understand excel etc, but let my husband do the banking - after all he is an accountant. I drive an amazing car and can't see that ever being a problem. But what if like my m-i-l my heart is so broken by my loss that I can't find the strength to go on?

My husband is the one who holds me when I hurt, brings me tissues when I cry, cooks my dinner when I am tired. He laughs at my silliness, and indulges my retail therapy. He overlooks my shortcomings. And he loves me just the way I am, when sometimes I have trouble loving myself. How do you cope if and when you lose that person, the one made for you?

I believe that I do have the strength to continue if my husband is no longer here, but what it I don't? Can a broken heart ever really be mended?

Back To Work

2011-08-08T05:00:00.001+08:00

Well today I am back to work after 2 weeks of leave. Part of me would just like to stay home, but part of me is ready to go back.

The thing is though, I have been working while on leave, doing some graphic design for an upcoming project, can't say more than that at the mo. I have really enjoyed it, so much so that I wish I could just stay home and do a little work like this all the time.

A few months ago, I did some work for Childhood 101 in the form of their e-Book Art not Craft, and thoroughly enjoyed that as well.

Now I am supposed to do graphic design at work, but I have moved more into administration and have been flogging the dead weight of implementing the sign system which no matter how much I do, just seems never to have an end in sight.

So real graphic design, while on my job description, is not really part of my job any more. And I miss it, I really do.

If I was just confident enough to sell myself to the bloggersphere/cyberspace as a graphic designer then maybe I could get some small jobs. I don't want to do web design, I mean I can do it, but that is not my interest. It is working with words and pictures and illustrations and making them look great, be easy to read, turning them into books and the like.

Maybe one day?

Playful Max

2011-08-07T05:00:00.003+08:00

Just in case you missed this photo from my last Max post,

here he is checking out the reusable shopping bag

Max has a habit of carrying things around in his mouth, like pens and pegs, pieces of paper. Quite often he drops them in his water bowl and then fishes them out again, he likes playing with water.

This week we have had a pink peg (three times), a glitter pen, an eraser, a green peg, and 3 different leaves. The other weekend when my littlest grandie came to visit and was playing with the lego, a pair of lego people legs ended up in the water bowl - lol. Max likes playing with lego too.

The other thing he is suddenly has a fetish about is our waste paper rubbish bins, the ones in our studies that papers and the like go in. Apparently they have to be on their sides so he can carry out all the bits and pieces. As soon as you stand them up again, he knocks them down. Hence we now have vertically challenged waste paper rubbish bins.

Max's other newest adventure is climbing in my linen cupboard. He likes me to open the door so he can practice his rock (shelf) climbing skills. He can climb all the way to top, just below ceiling height. But mostly he likes hiding in there and playing hide and seek.

He also carried the disposable razor from my shower to the other bathroom, just in case hubby needed to shave with it.

Another favourite place at the moment is behind our television, he tries to find where the people go! Needless to say, we get him out of there quick smart. It was a real problem with Le Tour was on, he was fascinated by the cyclists.

He also loves hopping into bags, my handbag, the reusable shopping bags, plastic bags, paper bags, my suitcase - any bags really.

I am happy to report that he has calmed down a little this week, goodness knows if it will last once we both go back to work next week and he is home by himself.

Have You Dropped By Today? - Sharing Some Blog Love

2011-08-06T05:00:00.001+08:00

One of the things mentioned at Nuffnang's 2011 Blogopolis was about your own blogging community, how you important they are, especially those that have been around for a while. You know the ones you have loved for a long time, or the ones that regularly come and love you back.

I have been a little absence from my blog of late, and a little absent from many of my beautiful blogger friends blogs as well. I try and pop in at least once a week and read more than one post, sometime I comment and sometimes I don't.

So today I am sharing some blog love with just a few of the bloggers I have visited in the last couple of days. Melissa over at The Things I'd Tell You did something similar yesterday - talk about great minds thinking alike and I recommend you pop over and check out her list too as it saves me duplicating here on my blog.

Pop over and check out

The Dog Days Are Not Over or My Humans Are Fools - By The Cat @ I'll Think Of A Title Later - If both of these don't get you smiling/giggling then you have no funny bone!

I Like A Good Rack @ The Mummy Autobiography - now that post title is going to grab a few randoms, just like The Planning Queen's Chicken Balls post that she spoke about in Melbourne.

More Whinging @ The Elephant's Child - she could do with a little bloggy love as her MS is causing her considerable pain.

Can't Cook For Quids @ NappyDaze - a woman after my own heart, this post has some beef (cake) in the form of her brother in law - well worth a look (although a slightly larger photo next time please Donna).

And last but not least, The Feathered Nest has a squirrel problem, just loving her Camper series. (I hope this link works but if not, just click on the wildlife tag and all the stories will pop up - you have to start at the bottom and work up, but it is worth it. Well for this Aussie it is, I mean we don't have squirrels unless it is the odd nutcase we come across).

Something Old Is New Again - Recycling Old Posts

2011-08-05T05:00:00.001+08:00

I have taken part in other memes that recycle old posts, but sometimes found that I couldn't find anything that 'fit' the weekly theme. So, while I will most likely pop back and join in with the likes of Weekend Rewind, from time to time I thought maybe I should just 'recycle' myself - literally.

This week I have had 2 of my favourite bras lose a wire and have had to start wearing in some new ones, which leads me to recycling this old post from April 2009

Over Shoulder Boulder Holders

That's what my brother used to tease me with when I was first wearing bras and I used to think how could he say that about these little bras, well now that certainly applies.

How I wish could go back to those days. Those days when my breasts actually could be called perky instead of floppy. Back in the days when I was an A cup, well maybe when I was a B cup would be better look.

I remember the thrill of wanting to wear a bra - that would mean I was all grown up - wouldn't it? I remember getting a second hand bra from my cousin when I was in Year 7 (the year I turned 12) and stuffing it full of tissues and wearing it out and thinking I was just the coolest girl ever.

I remember going shopping with my Mum and then being really embarrassed because she talked in a loud voice to the shop assistant about training bras - OMG, I'm sure she was really talking in a normal voice but it sounded loud to me!!

I remember getting my first pretty bra - a little black net/lace number with a appliqued flower discretely placed over the nipple area - no wires at that time - but did I feel special?

I remember the first time a boy tried to undo my bra - sort of scary and nice at the same time.

I remember having my first maternity bra at the tender age of 17 and realising my breasts were never going to be the same again - from a B to a D in what seemed like an overnight happening. Plain white maternity bras they seemed huge and pointy - no pretty things like now.

So many memories tied up with one piece of clothing.

Now, I hate wearing them, they are a form of torture, they hurt my back, their wires poke under my arms pits, I have trouble doing them up because of my bad shoulder. Oh to go back to the days of smaller perkier breasts and pretty pretty bras - sigh.

Just Beautiful

2011-08-04T06:00:00.003+08:00

We have some lovely orchids on our patio and as usual this year there are many beauties flowering. The one I love the most is this lime with pink centre which finally flowered again this year, it has been around 5 years since she last shared her beauty with me, isn't she beautiful? Last time we got 5 spikes of blooms but this year only 2, still I am not complaining as she is just so beautiful.

Here are some of the others lovelies out at the moment, they are pretty special too.

My hubby deserves all the credit for these, all I have to do is buy them and then admire them, which I do often, it is hard not too. I even like it when they are just lush green leaves.

On Tuesday we went to Ezi Grow Orchid Nursery in Darch (Western Australia) and got 4 more beauties - just loving the two variations of soft white, one with a pink centre and one with a yellow centre and then the yellow with the vibrant orange tongue is absolutely stunning, hubby chose the more subdued but equally lovely brown one.

This post is not sponsored, but I must say, it is an amazing nursery with great, helpful staff and very reasonable prices.

So What Is This Ad Telling Me??

2011-08-03T06:00:00.002+08:00

Now as you know I have had 4 births and one miscarriage, I am overweight and I suffer from diabetes, so bladder leakage is something that apparently I need to think about. Since coming home from Melbourne, with a cold/infected sinus - lots of coughing, sneezing etc, I do on occasion think, whoops it is going to be this time I learn about loosing bladder control? Indeed I have on occasion crossed my legs just in case - TMI???

Then I see this ad for Tena Pads - now I know it is a fun ad, made to be light hearted about an important issue, but really - does this means I no longer need a toilet if I am wearing incontinence pads? I always thought they were for minor leaks - but if a toilet dropping from the sky is what these pads can do for me - well then who needs toilets?

Just think of the freedom - no more waiting in queues at airport bathrooms, no more public toilets in general, just wear one of these pads and Bob's your uncle so to speak.

So producers of this ad, have you missed the mark here, or is it just my warped sense of humour that is getting a mixed message? Because this ad reminds me of a woman busting to go to the loo, not one who has sneezed and had a little dribble down below - if you get my drift!!

What do the rest of you think?

Nuffnag Blogopolis 2011

2011-08-02T06:00:00.001+08:00

Well Blogopolis is come and gone - a whirlwind of a day, so much to take in, so much to work out. Nuffnang did a great job of organising the day, at no time did I feel bored, although overwhelmed might have crept into my feelings occasionally.

My daughter, Christie of Childhood 101, presented, I was so proud of her, and a little teary too if I am honest, and well I try to honest here.

The only thing I would have liked more time to do was to catch up with various bloggers on the actual day. There were before and after events, and I chose not to go to these as I know my physical limits right now, which don't include standing for long and trying to yell over music and conversations. I suppose I should have been more active in hooking up with those I wanted to meet, and to be honest again, I was not sure I was even going to go until a couple of days before so was lax in this regard. Lunch at the venue would have provided time for this, so maybe a suggestion for the next one. I would have been happy to pay for lunch (well I did anyway).

I did managed to catch up with Jen from Jemikaan for lunch and caught a hug from Kirrily of Sunny Side Up. I saw Melissa from Suger Coat It from in the distance and then never actually got to meet her face to face and was sorry for that lost opportunity. The lovely Danimezza was running around taking photos (and even got to present).

The outcome of Blogopolis for me is that I don't fit any defined niche except maybe personal blogger, and maybe because of that, I would find it hard to fit any of the 'PR/Ad' areas that can, if you are lucky, hard working and totally focused, make you some money. But you know what, I am okay with that, I am happy just blogging for me. After all that is why I started blogging, sort of a way of putting stuff out there in cyberspace, seeing what comes back and I suppose as a record of who I am, if anyone in my family wants to know anytime in the future.

Am I glad I spent the money and went, sure I am. I love Melbourne, and love going over to visit. Plus I got to immerse myself in a large crowd of other bloggers of all ages, sizes, genders and ideas. I think there were around 300 on the day. I got to see outside of my blogging sphere, and I am inspired by what others have achieved and where they are going and I am full of praise for them.

Here is a Youtube video put together by BlogHUB Australia and my daughter's presentation is here.

And the round up of the rest of the trip is here:

We left Perth in between very stormy showers (there was some amazing turbulence as we took off which left me feeling nauseous for most of the flight). But Melbourne was lovely on Friday and I got to catch up with Jenny and Kelly (my hubby's aunt and cousin and some of my favourite Victorian people - love you guys xxx) and took them to my fav Melbourne Japanese restaurant Mikayo and we had teppanyaki, which was Kelly's first time to a Japanese restaurant.

Saturday was Blogopolis and I came back to the apartment to this amazing sunset.

This photo taken from my balcony

and here are some photos of my little suite at Quay West Apartments Southbank.

My king size bed - all to myself - luxury

and my lounge area with a large balcony behind the curtains

Sunday was beautiful and sunny and it seemed to soon to leave Melbourne to fly home, we came back to storms and rain, which we so desperately need, but another bumpy flight once we got closer to Perth.

I got spoilt in Qantas Business Class on the Adelaide - Perth leg of my homeward journey, trying to forget the Melbourne to Adelaide leg - that was a bit of a mix up on hubby's behalf when he was booking using is frequent flyer points - but all was left behind as soon as I sat in the extra large with legroom seats in Business. Smoked ocean trout with fennel and cucumber salad for entree, slow roasted duck ragout on a bed of pasta and wilted spinach leaves for main and icecream for desert. Hot towels, special padded earphones, my own blanket and pillow not to mention personal service - it is the way to travel - hey Mr/Ms Qantas I am happy to blog about you all the time if you can upgrade me when I travel - pretty please???

This post is not sponsored by any of the above mentioned businesses but I do recommend if you are ever in Melbourne you stay at Quay West and do try my favourite Japanese restaurant which is almost next door in the Southgate Shopping Complex.

Oh Max!!!

2011-08-01T19:55:00.005+08:00

This kitten may end up being the cause of divorce, or worse case (yep even worse than divorce) I may have to find him a new home (to keep the peace).

I love this little bugger to death, but he is pushing the limits of my patience and my hubby's has all gone. We even fought about it today - I mean, who fights over a kitten?

I see his antics as those of a 10 month old kitten - a teenager in fact, who is pushing his boundaries - after all don't all teenagers do that? Hubby sees him as a bully, naughty and arrogant, because he pushes the buttons of our old cat (poking the bear we call it), climbs on the benches, runs crazily around the house and occasionally attacks hubby.

In Max's defence, hubby plays rough with Max all the time, and now that Max plays rough back - well who's fault is that.

In any household there is the old bull young bull scenario, that is what I see happening with Max and Jarmie, and lets face it, most of the time they are okay together. But while I was in Melbourne Max and Jarmie got a little rough with each other and now Jarmie is limping - so it is Max's fault - even though hubby did not see Max actually hurt Jarmie.

And I am sick of hearing MAX, being yelled out down the hallways (although occasionally it is me yelling that). Or, today, when I feel like crap (came home sick from Melbourne) having hubby go on and on and on about it all. So I chucked the sads and yelled at hubby, I mean what does he want me to do about it.

Apparently all he wants is me to hear him whinging - really, well that is not me right now.

So hubby is sulking, Max is still his crazy self and Jarmie is hiding because there is thunder about. All I want to do is go to bed. Sigh - Oh Max, I love you but you better buck up matey or maybe it will be off to another home, and that is not something I want to contemplate right now.

Looks like he is in the bag ready to go! Who can be mad at him for too long?

I'm Off Tomorrow

2011-07-27T19:26:00.002+08:00

So, pain or no pain, I am off to Melbourne tomorrow for Blogopolis on Saturday. Made the decision that I can not let this beat me - so got some stronger pain killers and we will see how I go.

Will get to meet up with some special people in my life on Friday and then some old and hopefully new friends on Saturday.

Watch out Melbourne, here I come with an empty credit card (even have more than the card is worth as I accidentally made too many payments - lol).

Flying home Sunday Business Class (courtesy of hubby's frequent flyer points) so hopefully will arrive in a rested condition.

A Week Of Ups and Downs and The Bathmat

2011-07-21T11:37:00.004+08:00

Been an interesting week or so for this family of mine.

Work has been extra busy for hubby and I, we are both having some time off work for the next couple of weeks so tidying up all the jobs we have for hand over, well busy is probably not even close to what it has been. He has another couple of days, but last night was my last day at work until early August - bliss.

I am heading over to Blogopolis in Melbourne, well I hope to be, but for some reason my pain levels have hit an all time high, and I am really worried about how I will cope walking and standing, so I have been contemplating not going, still undecided, and luckily I have a few days to pull out and not lose my money for airfares and hotel accommodation. I really want to go, so maybe I will tough it out.

Last week, my middle daughter and eldest grand-daughter ended up with a water feature in their bathroom, a pipe burst somewhere inside the wall and bulging plaster and leaking tiles became an interesting feature to say the least. Consequently, they came over to our place for showers (luckily we live about 2 mins drive away) for a few days while it was being fixed. Don't know about you, but all my family use bath sheets (extra large towels) rather than the normal bath towel size. And it just so happens a few months ago when my grand-daughter was staying with us overnight, I gave her a normal smaller size bath towel I happened to still have. After her shower she said to me, Grandma - you gave me a bath mat instead of a towel, well I had to laugh as it really was a towel not a bath mat, just not the size she is used to. Well what happened last week was that her Mum did give her a bath mat by mistake and sweetie that she is, my grand-daughter used it as she knew her Mum was in our 2nd bathroom still having a shower. I am still giggling about it even now thinking about her trying to stay warm while drying herself with a little rectangle of towel, it was really cold over here last week.

This morning my Mum rang to say she had taken a tumble yesterday afternoon and dislocated her shoulder! Mum is 79 1/2 so tumbles are not good at her age. But luckily she has good strong bones and apart from now having to wear a sling for 2 weeks and have some physio, she is okay. The reason she fell is that she nearly sat on her cat and jumped up so fast that she twisted and lost her balance, taking out a spare chair on the way down to the floor. I had to laugh when she told me the paramedics have to give her a giant wedgie to lift her up. Good on her for seeing the funny side and being so strong and courageous, not sure that I could do that in the same circumstances.

So a week of ups and downs and funny tales about bath mats, but looking forward to some time off work, maybe getting some painting done - well I choose the colours and hubby does the work, some nice lunches out and about and maybe, just maybe, heading over to my favourite city of Melbourne.

Sometimes The Real World Gets In The Way

2011-07-11T19:56:00.003+08:00

Thank you to everyone who has left comments on my last blog post, hoping that I am okay and letting me know they miss me. I am really humbled that you care so much.

Thanks to My Baby John for the award, I will pop over and pick it up soon.

I have been absent from here for a few different reasons,

1. I have been so busy at work and doing some work for my daughter at night that I have been too tired to put my thinking cap on and write something meaningful here. I promise that will change soon.

2. Because I work on my computer all day, sometimes the last thing I want to do is turn this one on and sit in front of it ... this has been happening a lot of late ... mostly because I am busy I think, so really a part of number 1.

3. I haven't been doing anything too exciting so not sure how much everyone wants to hear about just the normal stuff.

With regard to my pain levels, well the injection sort of took the edge off, so in that way it has been good - yippee. But it is certainly not a total cure, or even close, so it will be back onto the other drugs soon, side effects and all. I really feel blessed that so many of you care, thank you again for this ... it blows me away the connections made in cyberspace.

I have pottered around some blogs, but not left many comments, apologies for that, I promise I will get better.

Thanks again and I will be back here soon!

Grandma Joys

2011-06-28T17:00:00.003+08:00

I loved being a Mother as my children were growing up, it was hard work, but it was my life's work, it was what I was born to do. Being a Grandma - that is the icing on the cake.

Grandchildren just love you, they trust you, they don't see you as the bad guy.

Then there are the little added extras, like your littlest grand-daughter kissing you goodbye as she is settling to have a nap, giving you a big hug and telling you that she is going to miss you when she wakes up.

Or the biggest grand-daughter ringing to chat so she can share her day with you, the good, the bad and the ugly, but with an open honesty that is refreshing.

Grandkids, they make my life complete.

From My Heart

2011-06-27T19:33:00.003+08:00

I am struggling a lot at the moment, struggling with little things, struggling with big things, trying to make sense out of who I am now and where I am going in the future.

I still put on the face, the smile, when I go out the door. It is there most of the time for my hubby too, although I know that he knows it is a mask. How do I know that, well he is even more attentive, even more loving, doing even more around the house ... and that overwhelms me. In a big way.

Today I had an injection in my lower spine to try again to solve the problem of my pain. I took the day off work as the injection was in the middle of the day, but thought I could go tomorrow, seems I have to have one more day off, which is not a bad thing in some ways.

But this morning, I was so sick, so nauseous, Stemetil didn't touch it, wave after wave of nausea - so bad that my jaw was clenching. I was wrung out by the time I had to go for my appointment.

I struggled to understand why I was feeling so bad. I mean I am still struggling with the side effects of the drug I stopped a couple of weeks ago, my GP said it would take at least 6-8 weeks to get out of my system and so I could still expect the side effects from this low does chemo drug. But this was more than that, and then I realised ... I have been laying all my hopes, ALL OF THEM on this one injection, and I was sick from the thought that this would not work, just as the one before did not work.

My reality is that I now can not stand or walk for very long at all. And if I can not get this pain under control, then there is no future, well not the future I had planned. One of travelling and seeing places and doing stuff. I don't see the point of paying lots of money if all I can do is sit, apart from the fact that my hubby is a doer type of guy. But because he loves me so much I know he will sit with me, but he will be bored, and neither of us would be happy.

I married young, I had my children young, I have worked hard, thinking that when we retire we can do all the things we wanted, get a caravan and travel, fly overseas and travel. Travel, it is and was the basis of what I saw us doing ... now I see sitting at home as my future. I am nearly 56, this is not the future I imagined.

Of course, there is another type of drug with nausea and diarrhea as a side effect that I can try, and if that does not work there are the expensive drugs and maybe one of those will work. So it is not all over just yet, but for some reason my heart is not confident. Please let me be wrong.

Weekend Rewind

2011-06-19T14:06:00.004+08:00

Weekend Rewind is hosted by Alison at Life in a Pink Fibro, why don't you pop over to visit?

This week is your favourite post, a little hard to choose but this is the one I have chosen to share, My Wish For You hope you enjoy.

Friday Flowers - Pretty Little Faces with a Splash of Green

2011-06-17T09:57:00.003+08:00

More Friday Flowers from our garden, pretty little faces of violas and the newly emerging pansies - both mass planted in 2 half wine barrels. And just for a splash of something different our out of control flat leaf parsley plants (there is a little curly leaf parsley and oregano in the pot too). It is doing so well I am regularly taking some into work to share, 'cause we can't eat it all. Mind you my littlest grand-daughter loves picking it fresh and eating it while she is over here playing.

The Fairy Garden Is Growing

2011-06-14T07:00:00.002+08:00

A few weeks ago I shared the fairy garden outside my study window on Sunday Selections.

As with all magic, new mushrooms have appeared, surrounded by soft ferns. Have you got a fairy garden, bringing magic to your life?

Its the Small Things

2011-06-13T07:00:00.002+08:00

As mentioned many times previously, I have a Charles Brunner climbing rose right outside my study window. On Sunday I looked out, daydreaming while doing some work and this little haloed flower caught my eye.

Soft pink bud, caught in the sunlight, softly glowing - just beautiful. The leaves and branches of the rose, softly swaying in the light breeze, the bright blue sky, the backdrop to all that is refreshing, soothing and lovely. A lovely winter's day.

What do you see out your window?

Sunday Selections - Karijini National Park (Pilbara Region of WA)

2011-06-12T11:46:00.008+08:00

Kim over at Frog Ponds Rock hosts the weekly Sunday Selections meme, a chance to share photos that are sitting languishing in folders on your computer. You know the ones you mean to share and just don't get around to doing. Pop on over and check out all the others on offer, you won't be disappointed.

My selections this week are from my trip to the Pilbara Region of WA last August and are taken in and around the gorges of Karijini NP.

The Sound Of A Mother's Heart Breaking

2011-06-11T14:06:00.005+08:00

All my life my children have been my world, the soul (and not that is not a spelling mistake) reason I exist. When I was young if you had asked me what I wanted to do with my life, the answer was to be a mother. I wanted 6 children and I was blessed with 4.

In August 2001 my heart broke when my eldest grand-daughter was involved in a car crash that left her with brain injuries and learning disabilities – I have blogged about this before and the impact it has had on my 2nd daughter's life.

In August last year my heart broke again when my eldest daughter gave birth to my grandson at around 17 weeks gestation, we never got to meet him, and though my daughter has taken huge steps to deal with her grief, I know that it is still there in the background, as it is in my heart too.

Then today I read this post on my youngest daughter’s facebook page and my heart broke again. (her words are here in italics)

I consider it a tiny part of who I am but the world continues to reference it as my defining characteristic. Whether I can marry the person I love or be a parent to the child who stole my heart depends not on the quality of my character but rather that I love someone of the same gender and sometimes it makes me wish that I wasn’t gay.

There is just something soul destroying about institutionalised, impersonal, legislative discrimination that I can’t put words to. I’m not just a number, I’m not my sexuality, I’m not trying to threaten or challenge anyone else’s lifestyle or thinking. I simply want to be able to marry my girlfriend and raise a child with her. I want the life that we dream of together and I can’t have that because people who don’t know me make decisions based on an element of who I am and of which I had no choice or control over. It invalidates me as a person and impedes my ability to dream of something all people should have the right to: a family.

And it frustrates me that I rarely give my sexuality a second thought. It’s really a tiny part of who I am but because it restricts my life in such ridiculous ways, I have to think about it. I have no choice about whether or not it is a big deal. Societal and governmental constructs dictate that it is. Fuck that noise. I want a quiet life with my wife and our kids. I never asked for anything but that and yet it’s constantly forced upon me by people who will never understand what it means to walk in my shoes, who will never understand what it means to feel second class or second rate, who will never question their ability to marry and have children but who consider a group of people a threat to society because they ask for the same privilege.

To a comment from a friend she wrote:

Thanks, and that’s at the heart of what I’m trying to say. I feel like in order to generate any change then I am forced to politicize my sexuality and I hate the idea of that. It shouldn't be a political issues to start with. To me, the things that the gay community agitates for are fundamental human rights. We should be able to take them for granted but instead we’re forced to fight for them at every turn.

I remember when I came out to my Mum, she cried and at first I thought I’d disappointed her in some way. When I asked her why she was upset she said it wasn’t because she was disappointed but that it was because she knew that my sexuality was going to make my life harder than it should be. I've never felt this was the case until now and to be honest, it hurts my heart.

It does more than hurt this Mother’s heart, it breaks it into little tiny pieces for there is little I can do other than offer my unconditional love and support.

No one should be defined by their sexuality, no one should have the right to stop anyone having happiness in their lives. No government, no religion, no person.

Friday Flowers - Limelight

2011-06-10T08:00:00.001+08:00

Last Friday I showcased some of the roses from my garden, a week on the blooms are almost at an end and the vase is looking a little tired, although the scent is still wonderfully in that corner of my kitchen.

You may remember this yellow rose called Limelight, I mentioned it had little scent but a beautiful structure, here is the photo from last Friday.

And here it is now, even as it is fading in full bloom, it is the most delightful rose, so please indulge me while I share this same rose again, a little older but still holding it's beauty.

A Thankfulness Post - The Things That Keep Me Going

2011-06-09T14:54:00.003+08:00

As previously written, there have been some dark days here of late, I am so over the pain my body suffers, I am over looking in the mirror and seeing my aging face looking tired and drawn with no energy. To be honest there are days when it all seems to much ... knowing that this is the beginning of this journey, I am no where near the end ... and the endless years stretch before me ... years and years of just this. My new meds are making no difference, their side effects more often than not ravage me ... I know the saying no pain, no gain, but too be truthful ... there is no gain here at all, zero.

Today is actually a good day, so I thought it might be good to write a thankfulness post, a way of keeping my glass half full.

So here are some of the things that keep me going ...

the love of my hubby, his caring, warmth and love surround me ... the soft and gentle kisses he gives me during the day, the way he rubs my back, the things he does every single day that keep me free of pain ... the housework, the cooking, so much each and every day

the love and laughter of my grand-daughters and the many, many photos of them I have that I can look at when ever my heart pleases, which is does often. They have no expectations of me, they love me just for who I am

the love of my children, my pride in how they are living their lives, the strength I see in them and knowing that I have had something to do with that

the warmth of Max, cuddling against my feet as I blog, he follows me from room to room, snuggling with me every chance he gets

these lovely autumn days, allowing me to lay on my bed in the afternoon (on the days I am not working), with the blinds open and the sun warming me softly while reading a book or taking a nap.

unexpected things, like a workmate acquaintance who looked at me the other day and really saw me, and told me he just wanted to give me a hug, and so I let him. He does not work closely with me, but he could see the pain and the tired eyes, and he reached out ... what a wonderful person

the support of the blogging community, all the lovely people who take the time to visit and comment that let me know I am connecting in some way to people. Who would have thought that all my regular visitors would mean so much to me, most of you I have not met In Real Life, but nevertheless, we all reach out to each other when something we blog touches a cord in our hearts.

So, I give thanks for all of the above and for the good days, maybe just maybe they will start outnumbering the bad ones and the smile will come back into my eyes and my heart.

Harmony - For A Moment Anyway

2011-06-07T08:14:00.001+08:00

Our lovely old cat Jarmie (over 17 years now) is very, very patient with our Mad Max, but does not often tolerate him sleeping close by. So imagine my surprise when I went into my hubby's study the other day and found this.

Mind you about 5 minutes later Max was chewing on Jarmie's neck while Jarmie just patiently laid there. Hopefully one day before Jarmie leaves this mortal coil, they will quietly sleep side by side all the time!

Colour - Such A Hard Choice

2011-06-06T20:06:00.002+08:00

I am in the process of deciding a colour for my study, paint wise that is. One wall will be painted in something quite vivid and on this wall will be white framed photos of my family and white painted words, a string of little lanterns may also feature on this wall.

Now my favourite colour has been aqua/turquoise for a long, long time, so you would think that would be the colour I would choose. But for some reason, green, lime green like my kitchen splashbacks is what is calling my name.

So using the huge Dulux swatch that I have for work, I was flicking through the green section and found a colour called Citrus Lime - looked great on the swatch, so off I went and got a sample pot. Got home and painted 2 coats on the wall - and no it was too yellowish in daylight, although perfect under the overhead light a night. So another perusal of the swatches and Tropical Light looked appealing, another pot and another trial and this looked great during the day but not right at night. So as they say, 3rd times a charm, and Melissa is now the great limey green I love during the day and at night.

So now it is just patching the wall, and boy does it need some patching, some undercoat and off we go. Mind you, I imagine it will be another 6 weeks until we are on holiday before it gets done, but I am excited.

Houston We Have A Problem!!

2011-06-04T10:31:00.002+08:00

You know that cute little kitten of mine? The one called Max, aka Mad Max, well true to his normally mad self, he still runs around doing maddies, running all over the furniture and up the walls, climbing the flyscreens ... normal kitten sort of stuff. But he is 8 months old now and should be quietening down, and on some days he is a little more sedate.

But 2 days ago he learnt to fly, well leap really. And where does he fly/leap to? Onto my kitchen bench - naughty, naughty Max!! So the squirt bottle is there and regularly used, but I kinda think that when we are not home he is up there walking around going na na na you can't stop me. 'Cause he has that sort of teenage attitude. Like when I squirt him, he runs off growling at me, because obviously he thinks he is the king of the house. Well the reality is much different, so be warned little man of mine - this lioness runs this roost.

Weekend Rewind - the R & R Edition

2011-06-03T21:02:00.003+08:00

This week's Weekend Rewind, hosted by Alison at Life in a Pink Fibro is all about rest and relaxation.

My 2 posts are about my first overseas trip, while not all rest and relaxation, I certainly had the best time, so if you have a moment please read this post from before I left and this post from when I got home.

Friday Flowers - From My Rose Garden

2011-06-03T15:51:00.004+08:00

On the third day of winter here in Perth, the temperature is a cool 18C, with blue skies, a very gentle breeze, the Friday of a long weekend. In our garden, our roses are having their last flourish before pruning, and what a flourish it is. The long hot summer and autumn have made our roses thrive, along with the newly installed bore that regularly waters them 3 nights a week.

One rose has special significance for me, it was the rose we planted in memory of the little grandson we never got to meet, it is called Shocking Blue, and while not a 'blue' rose, it is a fragrant lilac. In the last couple of weeks we have cut around 12 blooms just from this rose alone. Every time I lean into the vase to inhale it's beautiful scent, my joy is tinged with a sense of regret. On checking the roses this afternoon I found another 3 buds that will be ready to cut in a day or tow.

In the vase on my bench in my kitchen, these lovely Shocking Blue blooms are surrounded by a Just Joey bud, a bud and some blooms from my other favourite rose Double Delight, a couple of buds of a new yellow rose called Limelight, which while not strongly scented have the most lovely waxy shape and gorgeous colour. And last but not least a single bloom from a new pink rose called Best Friend - the scent of this one just blows your mind - it is divine.

And don't you think that my lime green splashbacks are a perfect foil for these delightful roses? I do!!

Sunday Selections

2011-05-29T11:59:00.006+08:00

Kim over at Frog Ponds Rock hosts the Sunday Selections meme - pop on over and have a look. The premise is to share some photos that have been hanging around on your computer that you haven't had time to share.

My photos this week are from one of our trips to Melbourne, we regularly stay at Quay West Apartments on South Bank (and no I haven't received anything from them to say this - lol).

We always get a suite overlooking the river and I love taking shots from the balcony. Melbourne, or should I say Victoria, is a place I could easily move to. I always feel at home there.

Sunday Selections - Outside My Study Window and Beside My Feet

2011-05-22T11:22:00.006+08:00

It is a beautiful Autumn day here in Perth today, blue skies, crisp cool breeze and warm sunshine on my back as I hung out the washing. Hubby is in the garden pruning for our green waste day and I thought I would just pop inside to share, what's outside my study window by joining in with Kim over at Frog Ponds Rock (don't you just love that blog name).

Kim hosts the Sunday Selections meme - pop on over and have a look. The premise is to share some photos that have been hanging around on your computer that you haven't had time to share. Well I am cheating a little this week as I have just taken these photos, but I am sure Kim won't mind, she is kinda generous that way.

So without further ado, look what is just outside my study window and what's sleeping by my feet.

My little fairy garden

and my beautiful climbing rose

and my equally beautiful sleepy Max

Today is feeling nice and relaxed and beautiful, I can almost forget the pain in my hands and feet by just letting myself soak up the sunshine.

Perfection

2011-05-21T19:25:00.003+08:00

One of my favourite flowers are roses. My favourite rose is called Double Delight. Today my hubby cut some of our roses and in came 3 pieces of perfection - sweetly scented, creamy centered with outer petals tipped with vibrant hot pink - pure perfection. 3 Double Delights mingled with other roses from our garden, our kitchen is now filled with the heady perfume of roses.

The flash has bleached this slightly so the photo below is with no flash

Weekend Rewind

2011-05-14T12:19:00.002+08:00

Even with the big blogger crash, the lovely Alison is still hosting Weekend Rewind. Pop on over to Life in a Pink Fibro and see what's on offer.

This week's rewind is to recycle an older post on blogging, so without further ado - here is my post on Do Followers = Popularity and Should It Matter.

Insanity - Menopause? Drugs? Life?

2011-05-12T20:11:00.002+08:00

Over the last few weeks I have had days I could have sworn I was going insane. Jittery nerves, sensory overload, lack of sleep, exhaustion and rage.

I never really suffered PMS or PMT (depending on where you grew up) during my reproductive years. Maybe every 3rd or 4th period I would have a day or so of short temperedness, although maybe my family would say differently. But never the all out symptoms I heard lots of my friends talk about.

Menopause has been sort of the same, minor hot flushes, a few 'blonde' moments here and there, but nothing too bad. Now I am only just beginning down the road, although over 15 years of being told I am peri-menopausal makes me wonder how long this journey actually takes. So far I have avoided HRT and hope not to have to take that path.

I am also on new drugs to try and help my arthritis, they can affect mood. I am also stressed at work. So Menopause? Drugs? Life? What is causing this insanity of mine.

This insanity picks away at me, and I am sure others should be able to see it, but they don't. Which just makes me feel more insane because does that mean on the outside I look fine and it is only in my mind that I am screaming at everyone? And really, yes that is the case, I take all my power and control myself, so it is only me that hears my voice in my head screaming ... screaming 'shut the f... up' when people are talking to me, or seeing myself take a baseball bat to the neighbour because he is laughing to loud while I am trying to go to sleep. I am not a violent person by nature, but truly if I had a baseball bat I think I may have jumped the fence and beaten him to death.

I can not stand crowds at the best of times but now even small crowds, even if the crowd is my family, is too much. It all takes too much of me to smile and stay sane. I think that is part of the reason I am so tired all the time, all that effort is exhausting.

My hubby sees a little bit of it, but not all, he sort of gets it, but not really - I don't really get it myself so how can he. But he is made of strong stuff and still cuddles me and loves me, ignoring the prickles that must be poking out from my skin. And his hand on my head, his caress of my back, they soothe my soul.

Insanity, is not all it is cracked up to be, I am not of in cuckoo land, or with the fairies, I am still walking, talking, working, but at great cost. I feel like I am running on adrenaline, it is not a good feeling.

I can categorically say it is not depression, I am not depressed, but bloody cranky pretty much every other day. It is sort of like PMS on steroids.

So the question still remains, menopause, drugs or life? Or is it just a combination of all three?

Weekend Rewind/Sunday Session - For Melissa

2011-05-08T16:43:00.004+08:00

So I had nothing for this week's for Alison's Weekend Rewind with the chilly theme, so thought I might link up with Thea's Sunday Sessions. Then I saw my cyberfriend Melissa's Weekend Rewind and her post moved me to tears. But it also gave me an idea, so I am bending the rules and combining 2 of my favourite memes (hope that is okay Alison and Thea).

So Melissa this is for you and your beloved Joel.

Strangely enough this song has been in my head for the last week. Rain by Jose Felicanio - sorry the Mac thing means you have to follow the link - enjoy, and may you have many more restful rainy nights nestled with the man you love. xxx

For My Mother - Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T07:13:00.002+08:00

To my Mum

When I was small you nurtured me,

you sewed me beautiful clothes,

you brushed my hair,

you cared

As I grew you encouraged me,

you saw my potential when others didn't,

you let me fly free

When I got pregnant just before my 17 birthday,

you did not turn your back,

you backed my decisions and defended me

All through my journey as a new Mum at such a tender age,

you continued to encourage me,

you loved me and you loved my daughter unconditionally

When others were harsh when I stumbled,

I never got that from you,

you knew I did my best

When I finally met my soul mate,

it was because you saw him first and

knew that he was right for me

When as a young family we struggled financially,

you where there to help us through,

with a guiding hand and a bag of groceries or a bill paid

When I had to return to the workforce,

you were there helping me adjust and opening doors

When people compliment me now for the way I mother,

the way I work, the way I give, the way I love,

I have only to look back to the mother who taught me all these things.

I love you Mum, always and forever.

xxx

Sunday Selections

2011-05-01T08:09:00.010+08:00

Kim over at Frog Ponds Rock hosts the Sunday Selections meme, a chance to find some photos just languishing on your computer and share them.

Trees always fascinate me with the texture of their barks, so there are a lot of them on my computer - the selection here are just a few - lol. Then there is the form and texture of plants as well, and general flotsam and jetsam that the ocean's deliver to our shores. Hopefully I haven't gone overboard as I realise there a few here to look at.

And the last one here is a fossil in rock in the Devonian Reef in WA's north west.

Weekend Rewind

2011-04-30T20:41:00.003+08:00

Alison over at Life in a Pink Fibro hosts the Weekend Rewind meme - normally comes up on a Friday night so I am a little late joining up this time. Given the Royal Wedding this week's theme is weddings, or love or something similar.

Here is my post from September 2010 - about This Man, I am well and truly blessed.

The Wedding Dress - New Yet Old

2011-04-30T16:30:00.003+08:00

So like over 2 billion people across the globe I tuned in to see the Dress - I was hoping for something really radical - but was happy if it was anything but the powder puff dress Diana wore - was I the only person who hated that dress?

I saw Pippa's gorgeous dress and my hopes were raised - I mean that dress was amazing.

Then I saw a peep as Kate got into the car and I was all - oh no boring. But I was wrong, when I saw the dress in full, it was beautiful, elegant and classic - taking us back to the beautiful times of the 50s. Why the 50s, well my Mum's wedding dress that she wore in 1953 could have been the inspiration for this dress - how about that Mum?

My paternal grandmother (she's the tiny one on the left of the photo of my Mum and her mother and mother in law), made my mother's dress, she was a dressmaker who earned her living that way after my paternal grandfather died when my father was still in primary school. She was an amazing seamstress and my Mother's dress what just beautiful. Hers was a lace jacket over the top of a strapless dress, but you wouldn't know that in the first photo of her below.

She may not have married a prince, in fact my father was anything but a prince in the end, but I think my Mother looked just like a princess in her hand made gown, sewn with love.

I Nearly Had An iPhone but Telstra Got In The Way

2011-04-30T10:00:00.001+08:00

So, I decided to upgrade my phone to one with bluetooth so that I can answer calls while driving. Now I don't really want a fancy phone, just one to make calls and text and I would like a flip phone rather than a touch screen. Should be easy you would think.

I go to Telstra - our current provider and should I say the only provider I have used for my mobile service - EVER!! That should count for something, shouldn't it?

I dutifully line up, I wait my turn but with only 1 person serving and 3 of them having some sort of a conflab in the corner, the line is getting pretty long. Finally a couple of more staff appear from the back and the line moves slowly forward. By now it has been at least 10 minutes and my back is seizing up and my pain levels are increasing. I fear if I leave the line that I will lose my place, so I move around a little, lean against the counter and just keep hoping they will not take too much longer - right!!

Eventually I get to the counter and ask for some assistance in choosing a phone. Not obviously the strong point of the person helping me, seems there is only 1 flip phone in stock - a Telstra brand - that does bluetooth but a customer told her it doesn't work all that well. Right - that is a big selling point when the main reason I want a phone is for bluetooth! So I ask her, well if it doesn't work I can bring it back and get a refund - um NO. So I'm like, what?

She says you have to take it to the manufacturer. I look at her with bewilderment - it is a TELSTRA phone I say, are you not the manufacturer? Oh, right, well we would have to send it away for testing and will MAYBE replace it, if it is faulty, but no money back. So let me understand this, Telstra will sell me a phone with bluetooth capability - their selling point, but if the bluetooth doesn't work and the phone is not faulty, just that the bluetooth is flaky, they won't refund my money? So we move on to look at other phones, as this one does not fill me with confidence.

There are some slide phones with tiny weeny qwerty keypads which a fairy would have trouble typing with - I mean have you seen how small those keys are? I have arthritic fingers and a shortening of patience (but that is a whole other post) - so no, they are no good.

So we are left with touch screen phones. Now I should say I love my iPad's touch screen, but my daughter had a touch screen phone that occasionally would ring me all by itself when floating around in her handbag - not a big selling point for me. But anyway, at this point I am in pain and just want a bloody phone. So I go, well what about an iPhone? Sure she says, it has a little button at the top to lock the screen and you press that then swipe the screen to start it up. Sounds good to me. We have a sale - finally.

So we make our way to the counter and by now I am in so much pain I am literally shaking. She asks my phone number which I provide and then she says something along the line of I will get all the paperwork together it might take a minute or two. Okay, I need to sit, so I explain about my back and say I am popping over to the stool over there to wait. No problems she says I will bring it all over there for you. So I wait.

Then she comes over with no paperwork and tells me sorry I can not sell you the phone as the account is in your husband's name. Um, hello, what??? She goes on to explain that while I own the phone number and this current phone, I don't have authority on the account to buy and upgrade to a new plan without my husband's approval and not just his approval but he has to be there with me to do it?

So I say something along the lines of - you are telling me in the year 2011 I need my husband's approval? Well it is not like that, it is just he has the authority and I don't. Well I explain I never agreed to that and neither did my husband. Well apparently when we bundled our phones to save money on our accounts I gave away all rights. Now I don't think anyone ever explained that to me, in fact Telstra has sold at least 2 phones to me over the phone, I have dealt with them about our account numerous times, but I can not buy my own phone. So I politely tell her that is a load of BS. She says, well sorry but that's the policy. I ask to speak to her manager. He is busy she says and will come and talk to me when he is free. And so I wait for another 10-15 maybe 20 minutes and he comes over and we go through the whole routine again. Still with the same answer - no madam you can not buy this phone.

When I ask why I have been able to purchase and upgrade plans over the phone, apparently that is voice recognition and it is okay but to personally buy a phone I need my husband and his driver's licence - what in case I am a terrorist?? Voice recognition - load of crap I could be anyone answering my phone when they sell me another phone - PLEASE!!

I politely explain that I am the only one in the household that has never left Telstra - my hubby has tramped his account all over the place, even moving our household phone for one brief time to someone else, but me NEVER. In fact I was the one who convinced him to move back to Telstra and to keep our home phone with them. And it was I who spoke to the people at Telstra and did the bundling to save money and NO ONE AT ANY TIME told me I was giving up my rights to my phone and making my husband the owner of our account. Our home phone is in joint names, his mobile was in his name and mine was in mine, so when did it become policy to remove me from being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted with my phone? And is it just because he has a penis that he now outranks me (I didn't actually say the penis thing, just thought it), or it is because his initial is a B and mine is a K - bugger it Mum you should have named me something that started with A!!!

He had no answer for that one except to say I was nominated for this phone number but my husband has the ownership of the account.

So I say, okay set me up a new account just in my name for my phone. Sure he says, but then I can not have my current number - what??? By now my frustration was to the point of me being on the edge of tears - see, when I get really angry I cry, which is a pain in the arse, but that's were I was. So he says well maybe I can ring your husband and he can give me authority over the phone, but he will have to check out if that is okay. Still seething that I need to have anyone's authority apart from my own, I agree.

After a few minutes he comes back and asks if my husband is at home. Of course he is not, he is at work - oh well that won't work because he has to ring the home phone. At this point I am thinking of ringing some random neighbour, telling them to break into my house and answer the phone and say he is my husband!!

So I ask, can I set everything up, leave the phone with them and send my hubby in on Saturday morning to do the final bit as he hates lining up even more than me and there is no way I can do another 20 minute line up with my back. But no, even that is not possible. So I ask him for a number to phone Telstra and complain. I am not complaining about the service of either of the staff, but I am mightily pissed off with Telstra in general.

My middle daughter tells me she ordered her phone over the net with Telstra, so we can do it that way, but she is not married and so everything is in her name so I would only be able to do that through my husband's name it seems.

It's time this company moved into the 21st Century, and the thing that really pisses me off, is that moving to someone else is not an option. I have friends who have deals with iinet and the like and if there is a problem and the exchange is a Telstra exchange - and lets face it most are and our local certainly is - they go to the bottom of the queue to have their phones fixed.

So I nearly had an iPhone but thanks Telstra - you got in the way.

Blog Post 401

2011-04-26T07:02:00.001+08:00

Who would have thought that when I started this blog in November 2008 that I would still be blogging now, I certainly didn't have any expectations of where this would go and how long for. My Anzac Day post was post 400 - sort of fitting as the day has special meaning for me.

So this is post 401, will I get to 500 or even 600 - maybe all the way to 800 doubling where I am now. Seem strange to celebrate 401 instead of 500? Well I suppose that is just me being me - a little odd that way.

There have been more than 401 posts written, but only 401 that I have hit the publish button on. There are some still sitting in my drafts and I have not included these in the total and they may or may not get published, only time will tell.

There are some that after writing them were deleted, for the act of writing them was what I needed, not sending them out to cyberspace, but just the act of writing - letting me let go of some negative stuff I have dealt with.

There are some still in my head which might eventually see the light of day - or maybe not.

The one thing I have always believed is that this blog is for me, not to please anyone else, but I am still tempered by what I feel I can disclose - which is a shame, but my aim is not to really cause any controversy, not to deliberately hurt anyone's feelings - even if mine have been hurt. But to portray a little bit of me, some of my memories for my family and sometimes to vent in a forum that for the most part is supportive.

Thanks to my very first followers and all that have followed since then, thanks for hanging in there even when I have my quiet time, for supporting me with your great comments and for allowing me to share a little bit of your lives too.

Lest We Forget 2011

2011-04-25T08:04:00.006+08:00

They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old.

Age shall not weary them nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning,

we will remember them

Lest We Forget

This year Anzac Day has got swallowed up in Easter, which seems a shame. It is a day that has always been important to me, more so as I have aged and the full extent of the sacrifices that previous generations made to ensure our county, and indeed others, are with hope, a safe place to live.

My previous Anzac Day posts have been very personal, looking at how Anzac Day affects me and then looking at lives lost within my extended family 2009 and 2009, 2010 and 2010 (yes 2 per year).

This year my heart turns to those soldiers still fighting the war in Afghanistan, and to the families of the diggers who have lost their lives in this war. A lot of people wonder just what the hell we are doing over there. But we are Australian and isn't that our creed - to help others?

I love being Australian, knowing that I come from a land that has traditionally reached out to others to help in their struggles.

We not only help others within our own country - look at the response to the recent disasters here in 2011, but we also reach out to other countries in time of need.

We are often first responders to our neighbouring countries when things like mine disasters and earthquakes happen.

So this Anzac Day as I think of the thousands upon thousands of men and women who sacrificed their lives, so that I could have freedom - I remember the brave men and women, so far from home who are showing the true Aussie spirit, fighting for the rights of others so far from the families and country that they love.

Happy Easter

2011-04-24T08:39:00.003+08:00

Happy Easter to all the lovely bloggers out there

May your Easter Sunday be filled with joy

A Typical Blogging Day

2011-04-23T11:16:00.007+08:00

Here I sit at my desk, trying to type while Max tries to:

lie on the keyboard

puts his tail over the keyboard

climb up the front of me to cuddle on my shoulder or sit on my boobs

taps at my fingers as they type

walks on the keyboard

tries to steal the pens off my desk

walks over and rubs his wet nose all over my screen

taps at the screen with his paw as he tries to catch the letters as they appear

walks behind my iMac and up onto the windowsill and tries to climb on top of my iMac

sits behind my iMac and pops his head around playing peek a boo

This is all after I have already put him on the floor at least 5 times before even attempting to blog.

What interruptions happen to you when you try to blog?

And here he sits looking all innocent with the 'who me' face

Autumn

2011-04-22T09:22:00.003+08:00

Autumn here in Perth is my favourite time of year, gentle breezes, cool sometime sunny days, wispy clouds scuttling across the bluest of blue skies. Autumn is the time I want to get outside and sit and read a book, or share a cuppa with friends and family. To choose which plants to plant, like pansies and violas and sweet peas - sadly because of my arthritis (and my aversion to dirt under my nails) my hubby is lovely and does the planting for me - God I love that man.

Just once in my life I would love to spend an Autumn where the trees turn red, orange and brown and slowly lose their leaves ... hopefully that wish will come true before I leave this mortal coil. Here in Aus our native trees are not deciduous and stay green all year long. As we have planted native to save water that it all I see - and I love them to and all the birds that come and enjoy them as well.

We have had a long drawn out summer this year and half way through Autumn we are only just beginning to have what I call our Autumn days. So today I thought I would change me blog design for a while and lust for those beautiful changing trees I hope to see and to honour the season I love most.

What season do you love best?

Weekend Rewind - Easter Edition

2011-04-22T08:21:00.003+08:00

The lovely Alison over at Life in a Pink Fibro hosts the weekend rewind meme. Why don't you pop over and join in.

This week's theme is New - New Life, New House, New Car, New Beginnings - you get the idea, and the meme is open right up to Monday night.

So in that theme here is my new kitchen and my new car (which is also about my littlest munchkin (hence the title of Change Management).

And how about these for something extra - after all it is a long weekend and you might need a little light reading - lol.

My first love

My first grandchild

Planner Or Not??

2011-04-20T18:05:00.006+08:00

Are you a planner? One of those people with 5 year plans, who look to the future and know what they want to be doing and where they want to be going? And if so, how do you feel if you don't achieve those goals? Or do you always get there?

Me, I am a fly by the seat of my pants girl, maybe because I became a Mum at 17 and realised very early that planning with a bub - well most of the time it is more heartache and it is much easier to just go with the flow.

Maybe I am intrinsically lazy and just can't be bothered with even thinking about planning that far ahead. Look at my retirement, I am 56 this year and have thrown around the idea of retiring, but haven't really done any planning towards that goal.

Maybe I am too busy to be planning how to make thing easier, somehow I managed to bring up 4 children while working full time for quite a deal of their lives, did I plan how to do that? Nup.

Come to think of it I didn't even plan one of my pregnancies, they all sort of sneaked up on me, real surprise every single time the doctor said, 'hey good news, your are pregnant' and me with a really???

I am sort of like that with my job as well, not good and planning, have a very messy desk (but know were everything is nonetheless), I have so much to do, but so many unexpectedly crisis I deal with that I think I would stress way more if I had planned and then not achieved within my work day.

So, I am really interested, are you a planner - do you make it work and how. Or are you like me, happy to deal with what arises when it arises and muddle through the rest of the time?

Sunday Selections

2011-04-17T11:26:00.004+08:00

Kim @ Frog Ponds Rock hosts the Sunday Selections meme. A chance to take out and share some of the many photos you have stored on your computer and never get around to publishing.

Behind these photos is a story, as there is with most photos I suppose. It goes something like this. Once we had a tree, a very, very tall tree - a Eucalyptus nicholli, it was very straight and had a huge trunk. Underneath this tree we had planted ferns and azaleas - all which flourished in it's shade. It was a very, very big tree, planted in our garden just as a small seedling which, like Jack's bean stalk, grew and grew and grew.

It had been in our garden for around 11-12 years when in early August 2001 a freak storm blew through our suburb, randomly demolishing trees and taking roofs of houses. Our rather large tree was uprooted. Thats right, it didn't snap it, it uprooted it. It fell backwards through our back fence and into our neighbour's yard narrowly missing their pool and their house.

It was a portent of what was to come in the month to follow ... my father in law's unexpected death, my grand-daughter's life changing car accident, and all the changes that follow on from such life changing events.

Apologies for the photos - they were taken with a very old pre-digital camera.

The stump being craned over the top of the house as it was too large to chop up.

Melancholy

2011-04-16T18:53:00.003+08:00

It seems I am suffering from some sort of melancholy, and I have been in a funk all day.

Many of the blog posts I have read over the last few days talk about loss, missing someone, broken relationships and siblings.

As written before, my brother chose to leave our family nearly 10 years ago. He and I were not particularly close, and I have dealt with the decision he made, but for some reason, tonight, I miss him.

I hope he is doing well, I just wish he would pick up the phone and call, I would welcome him back in a heartbeat.

I miss you Steve.

Weekend Rewind - Waiting

2011-04-16T11:21:00.005+08:00

I went over the Alison @ Life In A Pink Fibro to hook up with Weekend Rewind, to find the subject was waiting. So I went to check old posts and none really fit the theme. But it sort of triggered a new post - so I hope that is okay.

Waiting