Welcome to my blog.

My blog expresses my views and thoughts and in no way intends to offend however that does not guarantee it wont.

I write in a stream of consciousness and sometimes the odd typo or bad grammar may appear - please excuse these.

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Monday, May 12, 2014

Family Stories, Part 3 It's all about the poop!!!

I think most family's must have some poop stories, and ours has more than a few!!

I suppose in polite society these stories stay hidden, in our family they are often bought up with laughter much to the embarrassment of whichever family member was involved.

So here is a small selection, read on at your own risk!!

Story 1

Hubby had taken me to the dentist to have a wisdom tooth pulled out, our son was a wee baby dressed in a onesie and swaddled in a blanket.  While I am in the dentists chair, hubby is cuddling our son in the waiting room when there is an audible if somewhat muffled explosion from our son's nether regions.  The smell was a dead give away as to what was happening, as was the yellow stain slowly spreading through the bunny rug.  I believe a few other people who were waiting started to move chairs!!  Poor hubby had to quickly exit to the car to change a very, very, very pooey bottom and clothes on the backseat of the family car! I walk out into a waiting room with a distinct odour and the receptionist having a chuckle, wondering where my hubby had got too and three girls tripping over themselves to tell me about the huge poop their baby brother had done.

Story 2

One night, not long after our youngest daughter was born, hubby and I and some visitors were sitting in the visitor lounge at the local hospital while our baby daughter was asleep in the nursery.  In those days visitors were not encouraged to hold other people's babies and more often than not the babies were taken to the nursery just before visiting hours began.  So here we are chatting when in walks one of the nurses with our baby daughter, naked from the waist down to show us just how good an aim she had.  Yep the nurses large pocket on the front of the smock she was wearing was filled to the brim with poop.  Luckily the nurse saw the funny side!

Story 3

This one involves daughter 2.  We had a safe cot for our 3 daughters, the ones that are totally enclosed, usually wooden and with fly-wire in the panels.  I went in to get daughter 2 up from her nap, to find she had not only woken up, but had taken off her nappy and then thoughtfully smeared her poop into the fly-wire!!  Needless to say, that was one doozy of a clean up for mother and child.

Story 4

I have lost count of the number of times I have had to suffer the embarrassment of having to have to unblock the toilet during each and every pregnancy (and to be honest some times when not pregnant as well).  Constipation it seems leads to this less than exciting toilet experience!!  Then there are the less than funny names my youngest daughter has come up with for this ...

and saving the best story for last

Story 5 (and yes kids, it is that one!!!)

Hubby had taken daughter number 2 to change her nappy.  She was about 10 months old and prior to and during the nappy change, she was munching/sucking on a ginger nut or was it chocolate biscuit.  During the said nappy change she offered hubby what he thought was a piece of said biscuit except it wasn't.  I will leave the rest to your imagination.

And yep this story is the one that is the most regularly retold, much to hubby's endless dismay!!

So hoping I haven't upset anyone's sensitivities with this more than honest set of family stories, I will say thanks for popping by xxxx

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Family Stories Part 2 All About Spiders

Sticking with hubby's side of the family to start with, my gorgeous father in law told me the story about how once when he was working night shift at Heinz in Melbourne, he got in his car to drive home and the sun was just rising and was very bright in his eyes.  So he popped the sun visor down, to be greeted by the biggest and hairiest huntsman spider he had ever seen!!!  It slid down onto the seat between his legs, so rather than stop he just drove on home without sitting on the seat!!  True story.  Apparently when he got home he just couldn't find that spider anywhere!

Which brings me to a story from my Dad's side of the family.  His Aunty Min (another beautiful person I had in my life) once put on her woollen dressing gown and walked around for quite a while with a scratchy armpit.  She kept thinking it was just a piece of thread, and eventually took off the dressing gown to find a nice huntsman spider nestled there.

My mother has an unreasonable fear (well it might even be a phobia!!) about spiders.  I remember one night leaving my Grandma's place at night and my brother (always the prankster) cried out 'look out Mum, there's a spider above your head'.  Mum, who I think was carrying something at the time, threw her arm up and nearly took my Dad's (or was it my step-dad's) head off.

My middle daughter A (and my eldest daughter C too actually) share my mother's fear.  I remember visiting my daughter A up in Port Hedland.  I found an amazing amount of dead spider's covered in what looked like a can of fly-spray for each of them, they were white with the stuff.  She still kills them that way!!

Daughter C and I were once driving down the freeway, she was driving, and a huge huntsman crawled up the windscreen.  My daughter nearly jumped out of the door, seriously I thought she was going to.  She pulled over to the emergency stopping lane, shaking and crying until I convinced her that the spider couldn't get inside (we closed all the vents and windows to be sure) and eventually she calmed down and we drove on to our destination.  Again we never found the spider.

Then there was the time, A and I drove to Gosnells in my car, with her daughter C, just a baby asleep in the car seat in the back.  When we arrived and I opened the back door to get C out, there was a huntsman in the door well.  Gave both of a us a little bit of a shock, even me, who is okay with spiders as long as they stay away from my body (I can look at them without any issue, but don't like the thought of them on me).  We got baby C out and then managed to knock the spider out with a stick.

Which brings me to two red-back spider stories, both which involve me.  The first was when I was heavily pregnant with my first child.  At that time my step-father was a part time student at the University of WA.  Mum and I popped down there to pick him up one afternoon and got there a little early.  We went to sit down on a garden seat, my bottom was almost on the seat when my mother grabbed my arm and launched me across the garden.  In shock I looked at her with a 'What The' look on my face.  She just pointed to the red-back web (with red-back) that I almost sat on!  Somehow she saw it there.

Then there was the time when I was pregnant with my third child and we were visiting Mum's and I was sitting on a stool in her kitchen, when a red-back crawled up my leg.  Mum, even with her phobia, calmly swatted it off my leg before she stepped on it.   Mother's can overcome even their biggest fears if there children are at risk.

Now I went searching for huntsman and red-back spider images and decided I wouldn't use any, cause even I got a little freaked when they all came up on Google - lol.  

Thanks for popping by xxxx


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