I worry that this generation of Mums are trying to achieve perfection. My daughter has a blog (well worth a visit - especially if you have young children) and she has connected through the blog world to lots of other Mums.
I have done a bit of blog surfing and I find what appears to be a lot of stress and worry about doing everything right - about achieving perfection as a mother.
I don't believe that anyone can be or is perfect, I do believe we should try and be good and just parents, that we should love our children above everything else - and that includes ourselves. I believe that we should make sacrifices to make our children's lives better - but I don't believe we should give them everything all the time as this then sets them up with false expectations of the world.
Is it that there is now too much information out there for parents - there didn't seem enough when my children were little, but now there is so much conflicting information.
I know when my youngest grand-daughter was born, my daughter had 2 or 3 books and I saw the anguish she went through trying to get it right for her newborn daughter - because she had colic - one book said one thing, the other said another and so on - my advice was choose one and throw the others away.
I was 17 when I had my first child - there were no books, I had my Mum for advice or I worked it out myself. I don't think I did a bad job, and in fact, I think I had a lot less stress as my attitude was I would learn as we (my daughter and I) went along the motherhood/childhood road - I think we did okay. She has turned out to be a wonderful adult. Same with my other 3 children, yes we had some issues a couple of times and turned to professionals to help us get through those times - and that was stressful - as you are suddenly relying on others opinions and not your own.
Yes we all want the best for our child, and we all want our children to be the best they can in life - but can we set the bar too high - not only for them but for ourselves?
I do agree, no-one can be perfect. Or have the perfectly groomed and mannered children (all of the time at least!) or perfect house, job etc. But still we try. To strive for perfection isn't all bad as long as nothing important misses out in the long run, eg missing out on quality time with your children if you are so busy getting everything else perfect. But the wisdom is in knowing you can rarely achieve perfection.
ReplyDeleteBooks can be useful but sometimes they are more of a hindrance than a help when conflicting advice is found over different books and experts suggest myriads of different things to try often leave bewildered parents upset and stressed.
I agree, time to ditch the books and look at and listen you your kids. They are the best teachers and we as parents know them best.