A Lesson For Us To Learn

Today we put my DH's Mum's ashes to rest with his Dad. My DH spoke so beautifully about his belief that the 2 of them are together now, and that his Mum no longer has her shuffle or her slurred speech (she had Parkinsons) and that the 2 of them were dancing together (they were beautiful dancers).

After the brief ceremony we went back to one of his sister's houses to sort through the remaining boxes of his mother's stuff. A lot of the everyday items were sold or given to family when she moved into the nursing home a few years ago, but there were about 10 boxes of varying sizes that she would not part with. So my s-i-l had stored them at her place just in case my m-i-l wanted anything - she never did, but that was her wish.

It took around 3 hours for us to choose what each of us wanted to keep - there was no fighting over any of these things - everyone was open and honest about what they wanted and what they didn't. However what became apparent to me and left me with a sense of sadness, was that the items taken were so few in comparison to the items available. So the pile of items going to the antique/second hand dealer is large and I am sure there is some items that are worth something in a monetary sense but the tragedy is that they also are worth far more in a sentimental and family sense. She had kept all her precious wedding presents - most never used. There was some jewelry, some of it her mothers and some of it hers - but none of the family knew which was which or why some of the other items she has felt so passionately about keeping were kept. They meant something to her, but nothing to us.

So please talk to your children about the past, show them the things that mean a lot to you, tell them the stories of your mother's jewelry or grandmothers buttons, or whatever it is. For if like us today, you don't know the stories - you can not feel a connection to that which is left behind. My m-i-l was never a great talker, and so if this is you, then take a photo and write down a note to explain and leave it with the item - anything to give your children and grandchildren a window to the past and a chance to connect. For once it is gone it is gone - there were some beautiful pieces of china that I am sure had stories to go with them, it is just we never heard the story when my m-i-l was alive and so to us they were just bits of china - nothing more, nothing less, but to her they must have meant a lot.

Singapore

Singapore - in a few words

Warm(th)

.. Like walking through a warm bath

.. Smiling friendly people

.. Tropical sun beating on my back

.. My red face

Busy

.. Hustle and bustle of traffic on the streets

.. Shopping centres full of people

.. Children busily having fun in water playgrounds

Cold

.. air-conditioned taxis and shopping centres

.. ice cream treats

.. icy drinks

Courtesy

.. Drivers who know how to merge

.. People who smile with their eyes

.. Ever helpful staff

Heritage

.. Chinese Heritage Centre - bought me to tears

.. Proud people

.. Raffles Hotel - just beautiful

.. Stunning architecture

Tall

.. Buildings reaching for the sky filled with people

.. Singapore flyer

.. Palm trees

Gardens

.. Everywhere, filled with exotic plants and flowers

.. Lush green lawns

.. Koi ponds

.. Orchids

.. Winding paths

Food

.. too many choices

.. knowing what to pick

.. frogs?

Difference

.. Long black hair

.. Deep black/brown eyes

.. Latte coloured skin

And Now I Am Home Again

I did it, yep, I managed to fly to and from Singapore without any hiccups, I even used the toilet on a plane for the very first time (hee hee), that's right - all those flights in the past - no toilet use - had a phobia about getting stuck in them - but I did it and what do you know they are not as small as I thought they were - LOL.

I also managed to cope with the humid weather, drank plenty of water, and of course most of Singapore is air-conditioned including the taxis but we also spent quite a few hours out in the real Singapore - botanic gardens, children's playground and the zoo, a quick trip to china town, walking in the streets etc - and it was not as bad as I had imagined. Yes it was hot and yes I got red in the face and sometime felt very tired, but I did it. I even frolicked in the water playground at the zoo with Immy and Christie. Actually we went to many water playgrounds so Immy could have some play time without getting to hot - she loved it.

The time went really fast, the people we met were so friendly and helpful, the hotel was great, the food fantastic and Singapore is somewhere I would like to go again with my hubby - as there is still so much more to explore.

And the highlight of the trip - Christie won the inaugural award for Best Parenting Blog - check out her post on Childhood 101.

The only downside - I lost my camera at the zoo - put it down somewhere and forgot to pick it up - so sorry no photos.

So tomorrow it is back to work - sigh.

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane

Well today I fly out to Singapore. Everyone keeps asking me if I am excited and I reply 'Not really' and even now just hours before I fly excitement is not the word I would use. I have butterflies in my tummy, but not from excitement from nerves.

This is the first time I have ever in my life flown outside of Australia, I know a little tragic at my age, but never-the-less, the first time. Sure I went on a cruise but that was like taking the boat to Rottnest (small island of coast of WA), you just walked off the boat and onto a new country - you didn't have to take a passport (well you had to have it and leave it on the boat) but no-one checked at that country's customs. Sure the cruise company probably handed over a sheet with everyones' names and passport numbers - but I didn't have to worry, just walk off and back on the boat like I lived there. This time I will be going through a real customs set up - not that I have anything to declare - but real customs.

It is going to be hot and humid (2 conditions I don't do well), so how will I cope with that. Taken lots of cool clothes (loose fitting and cotton), taking my new walking shoes (joggers - not trendy but comfort is what I need), got a hat (oh good thing I wrote that just remembered I didn't put it in the suitcase), got my meds (and boy there is a lot of them - bought my scripts just in case someone thinks I have illicit drugs), got my sunscreen and insect repellent, got my camera and spare batteries. My passport is ready, with a photocopy in case it gets lost, I have the travel insurance docs, the address and number of the Australian Embassy, the print out of my limo pickup (looking forward to the meet and greet and not have to try and get a cab - money well spent I think), I have had my swine-flu jab and the paperwork to prove it. I have my flight itinerary and numerous other bit and pieces of paperwork all together in a folder (I know I am being anal but did I mention this is the first time I have done this). I think I have watched too many TV shows like Border Security and Flights from Hell and I am over-reacting in my preparation but hey it makes me feel more in control.

I have my iPod (fully charged), my puzzle books and pen, a novel to read, my phone charger, my iPod charger, some Singapore dollars to cover the limo and incidentals, my glasses (both sunnies and reading), some tissues, lollies to suck on take off. So I think I am fairly well ready - now if I could just find my excitement and pack that things would be looking up, not sure where I have put it, but it is not here - just trepidation and the thought I have forgotten something.

Did I mention that my DH wasn't coming - perhaps that is what I have forgotten - my security blanket in the shape of a man. I know I can do this without him, but it just feels so much better when he is there.

Look out for the photos when I get back - I hope I manage to get some good ones.

Bon voyage.

Who Would Have Thought I Would End Up Crying While Shopping

Before I start I need to say that this is not a 'Pity Post' - I am not writing this for sympathy, I just need to write it.

I am off to Singapore on Tuesday with my eldest daughter and my youngest grand-daughter, my daughter is a finalist in the Nuffnang Asia Pacific Blog Awards. And while I have some trepidation about how I will cope with the heat and humidity - I am looking forward to new sights, sounds and tastes - I love Asian food and one of my friends who grew up in Singapore has given me a list of good places to eat - thanks Jo. At 54, this is my first journey overseas by plane, I have cruised the South Pacific in 2001, but never flown, never experienced customs, or leaving from the international airport - it is also the first time I have travelled overseas without my DH. So trepidation and excitement are warring with each other.

Now to travel to Singapore I needed to have some new clothes, some walking shoes (to help my back, knees and hips) and some new underwear. Doesn't sound like much to ask does it? So how could a simple shopping trip end up with me in tears twice and very close to wiping the smirk of some 15 year old shop assistant's face.

Well I am obese, yep, obese, not overweight, not plump but obese - size 24-26. I have mountains of stretched skin from giving birth to 4 babies - and I mean mountains, as I have aged gravity has taken over and now it hangs. I cover it up well, by wearing floaty tops and comfortable loose pants, but I know it is there - and buying clothes and underwear is the pits. Sure there are great clothes out now for larger women, but not if you have too much skin, not if you are pear shaped, not if you don't go for the sausage look. I have enough trouble looking at myself without sharing it with others in some tight fitting top that the size 10 designer thinks will fit a size 24. Maybe some 24s don't have left over baby skin, maybe they are in proportion and not pear shaped - but not me. So I order in some pants, nice white cool pants, go and try them on and, the bum looks good and the legs are okay - but the front well not so good, because there is no extra fabric there - they are made for people who have obviously never had children, or maybe are blessed with skin that springs back after childbirth - well folks that ain't me. But I buy them anyway as I need pants, and I know I will hate wearing them but what is the alternative. I have looked in all the shops and no-one has nice white pants that fit me.

They also have some bathers - now I haven't been able to find bathers in about 20 years, and have given up looking, but I think well these are made by a company that only makes larger sizes so they should be great - wrong. I mean people, high cut bottoms may look great if you are a size 10, but come on, I am a 24 - I mean I really don't want my lady bits hanging out for the world to see. And then the tank-kini top - well a sausage would have a better time fitting into this Lycra skin - and so in frustration I start crying, I just want a pair of bathers - it shouldn't be this hard. Swim, I am told, that will help you loose weight - well I would if I could find some freaking bathers. So I wipe my eyes and hope no-one notices they are red and watery.

So off to get some underwear - I have bought these nice knickers at Target before - they are not glamorous because no-one makes glamorous for my size, but that is okay, nice organic cotton full briefs are fine - except there are NONE - if you want high cut (again with the freaking high cut) there are heaps and heaps and heaps, but full brief - OH NO. And the frustration (and I will be frank here it is frustration with myself as much as not finding what I need - I am not blind, I am obese and I know it) makes me cry - yep in pubic this time not in the safety of some change-room. And my hubby and youngest daughter can see I am upset and they try to understand, but they can't, I am sorry - but they can't. And so again I pull myself together, for bawling in public is not a good look, snot running from your nose should be left to small children.

So we drop my daughter at her place, and head home and I say to DH, okay I will try the Target closer to home and see if they have any full briefs - and yes they do, oh Lordy the day is looking up, I manage to get 6 pairs - whoopee. That's right people, I am excited by underwear - how tragic am I.

So I think, well I will just look in the larger size clothing section to see if they have any pants or tops and find a couple of nice looking long skirts - a little off centre for me - but what the heck, so off I go the change-room and who is waiting to greet me, but 2 skinny, anorexic looking girls who probably aren't even old enough to have periods yet, and one says would you like to leave your underwear here as you have too many things to take into the change-room. And so as I hand them over I notice the other one sees the sizes and smirks - and I was not imagining this - she smirked and then saw I noticed and quickly turned away.

Let me tell you I was so close to going ballistic because there is only so much I can take, but then the bigger (and I don't mean weight here) person that I am, took control and I went off without saying a word. Then as I am walking out with my clothes (none of which looked good) and my underwear, she walks past me and smirks again. And in my head, I swung my handbag at her head and knocked her off her feet and then jumped on her, but on the outside I just kept on walking because once I was a young skinny girl too - and I hope I never smirked at any larger ladies and if I did, well I am sorry.

Writer's Block

I want to blog, I want to write, I start and then delete and start again. There is much inside I want to share, some good, some bad, some excitement, some anger.

I want to blog, I want to write, I keep starting and then deleting, because my words are not coming out right.

I am telling myself to be patient, it will come soon, it will come in a flurry, I just need to get it sorted in my head and then the words will flow.

The Smell of Roses

The other night I walked into my darkened study after a long day at work to turn my computer on - my senses are overwhelmed by the smell of roses. There on my desk is a vase of beautiful roses from our garden. One guess who put them there for me to enjoy. I love this man more and more each day and after nearly 33 years together I didn't think that was possible. And while the roses are now open, every day when I come home my study smells of roses ... one of my favourite smells of all time.