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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Down the Rabbit Hole

And she fell down the rabbit hole, tumbling over and over again until she landed in a heap at the bottom. And what did she find there? Not a magical land, not potions to make her big or small. She found reality. Her reality, the one she had denied for so long. Here it was, ready to hit her with a big stick and still she couldn't look it in the eye.

She felt lost, so lost, she knew not where to look, for she could not face her reality, the one with a D and 2 in it.

How had she got here, well she really knew the answer to that one. It wasn't following a white rabbit, it wasn't falling down a rabbit hole. It was the fact that she had not dealt with it right back at the beginning, denial is a wonderful thing ... until it bites you in the bum.

Not only had she denied it to herself, but it seems her hubby as well, and while she is busily trying to get with the program now, he is still in denial, still killing her with kindness, still denying that this bloody disease is a killer, it maims and it makes your life miserable.

Alice's only light was that at least she only had to deal with it now, at nearly 57, and not from a young age when there is a D and a 1 involved.

She would somehow find the courage, find the strength to fight the fight, but this day, right now ... she couldn't face the reality of what is to come. But tomorrow, she needs to put on her armour and look her reality right in the face, for she will be learning how to use a potion, with a needle attached, to try and bring her back to health.

But does she had the strength to do it day after day ... only time will tell.


  1. Doesn't sound like she has much of a choice...she has to find the strength to do it day after day. Be strong, millions of others are fighting the same fight..if they can do it, you can do it. All good thoughts going your way from over here.

  2. As someone who's been living with the D and the 2, I'm here if you want to talk at all.

    And as someone, who more than a decade in, is dealing with irreversible affects of the D and the 2 - please please PLEASE tell him, from me - killing you with kindness could do just that. My beloved Joel did the same. I so wish he hadn't. I wish he had forced me to be stronger. I'm paying for it now.

    It's manageable. It honestly is. But it's progressive. So the better your control now, the better you will be long term. He needs to understand that.

    I have no doubt - you CAN do it. And I'm here for ANY advice/help/rant you need.

    My love to you. Always.

  3. Pop and I both know you will deal with it as we have done. Fortunately when I was diagnosed with D2 I accepted it immediately and then 6 months later when Pop was also diagnosed we were at least fighting the good fight together.
    16 years later we are still dealing with it but not letting it take over our daily lives too much and there is always that little (or in some cases big) treat that we welcome with open arms.
    You are a really strong person and now you have accepted the inevitable you will persevere and your other half will learn what is right for you and what is wrong. A dietician may not tell you much that you don't already know but go together so you both will learn all you perhaps don't already know.
    I know you don't like talking about it too much but I am, as always, here if you need me. Love you. xx

  4. Thanks everyone for your support.

    @Melissa - yes the progressive thing is a worry. Thanks for offering your support, I will remember that and you may get an email from me. xxx

    @Mimsie - yes I know you are there for me as always.xxx



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