Speaking Too Soon

The Universe has a way of teaching us lessons, sometimes ones we already know, so it is a gentle reminder sometimes it is a big kick up the butt.  Not sure what category this one falls into but my butt is kind of sore!!!

My last post was about Should I Brag, where I told the blogosphere about how well I was doing with my weight loss.

Last weekend's weigh in bought me down to earth, I put on 500gms.  Seriously, it threw me for a loop. I had changed nothing in my diet except having a very small piece of birthday cake about 10 days before to celebrate with one of my work colleagues.

So were my concerns about me not being an over-eater prior to surgery now coming true, is this surgery mainly for people who constantly over-eat?  I don't have an answer to that, but I have had a crap week, beating myself up about it all.

The dietitian said not to worry it happens sometimes, but this early in the recovery?

John, my psychologist, said move on, let it be, there are always bumps in the road.  Which is true, but it has been a huge wake up call.

Here I was tootling along the highway of weight loss, thinking I was gathering speed, after all I was told by Dr C that I was ahead of the game, just a few days before the weight gain.

So Universe, I've got the message, take nothing for granted, keep your eyes on the goal and work harder.

I am pleased to say this morning's weigh in sees me almost back to where I was a fortnight ago, so hopefully the numbers will keep slowly going down.

The bad thing is, I just wanted chocolate to drown my sorrows in.  The good thing is, I didn't buy any.

Has the Universe been talking to you lately?  Hopefully if it has it has been in a positive way.

Have a great week ahead and thanks for popping by xxx

Is It Okay To Brag?

I sort of feel a little awkward writing this post, but I do want to keep people up to date with my progress in my weight loss, maybe it will inspire someone else to take the plunge and have surgery if they need it.

Yesterday I went and had my six week check up and Dr C confirmed I have lost 18kgs, he also said I was ahead of the game as I have lost 35% of my excess weight already and most people take a lot longer to get to that point.  Oh and I am now officially only obese, no longer morbidly obese.

Then I saw the exercise coordinator who re-measured me before giving me some light exercises to do, given my arthritis there will be no running or the like, but plenty of upper body exercises.

Now the thing that blew me away was how many cms I have lost, why does it blow me away?  Well when I look in the mirror I still see the 'fat' me, because really I am still 'fat' - after all obese is not skinny in any way shape or form.  Sure I see my face is thinner, and I know my arms and legs are as I can see that.  Partly because my arms are getting really 'flappy' - sigh.  But I can deal with that.

So when she measured me I was not expecting to have lost 9cms off my waist and a huge 15cms off my hips!!  I just can see it.  Sure I am now wearing a size 20 top instead of a 24 or 26, but my brain just doesn't realise that what it sees is still large, but a smaller large than it was.

So I feel I need to write it down so that I actually start to believe that the weight is disappearing, not just on the scales but off my body as well.

I may even be brave enough soon to post photos - no promises though.

Thanks for popping by xxx

Tales from the Saggy Baggy Elephant

Well it has now been six weeks since my surgery, all is going exceptionally well.  I am on normal food, very small quantities of normal food, but normal food none the less.  A few things don't seem to sit well in my stomach and so they have been eliminated from my diet.  I am still struggling to drink enough water as that just doesn't sit in my stomach without feeling weird.  Apparently it is quite common, but one of the things I need to preserve with.  I am supposed to drink 1.5 litres of water a day, at the moment I am struggling to drink half that.  Milk and juice are fine, although I no longer seem to enjoy a cup of tea like I did before which is a shame.

I am happy to report I am now weigh less than 100 kgs, 99.5 as of my weigh in yesterday morning, so that is just over 17 kgs since I started this journey in mid December and nearly 11 kgs since the surgery itself.

The weight loss is most noticeable in my face and in the saggy baggy skin that is forming on my thighs, upper arms and stomach.  I have always had excess skin left on my lower tummy from having 4 very large babies and lots of stretch marks.  Now it looks like saggy baggy elephant skin.  Even my calves and lower arms seem to have more loose skin than they used to.

I know that I will be having surgery to have a tummy tuck and the like, but I'm thinking I will need some on my thighs and upper arms as well, still we will see.  This is all at least 12 months in the future, so until then I will just have to focus on the health benefits of this weight loss and not the fact lots of me can swing in the breeze.

I am already off one of my blood pressure medications and down to just 2 tablets a day for the Diabetes.  My surgeon had hoped I would be taken off those, but after my recent visit to the Diabetes Professor  it seems I will remain on them for a least a while longer.  They wont give me a hypo and there is research that shows that Metformin can help reduce the risk of heart disease and cancer in people who are insulin resistant.  They are not a big deal to take each day, although having them with a meal is sometimes a struggle as I am not supposed to drink and eat at the same time. Breakfast never seems to be as much of a problem as the one with the evening meal, so I am now taking it during the meal rather than after, and that seems to be helping.

Talking about evening meals, those are the ones that seem to be the hardest to eat as well.  At this stage I should be able to eat 1 cup of food, and yet often I have to throw away at least half of that as I am too full.  The couple of times I have continued to eat I have paid for it, severe pain and the feeling that my food is sitting above my stomach.  Still it is a learning curve and I have not had to vomit.  I just walk around for a few minutes and it all seems to work its way down, and really only 2 occasions in six weeks is not bad going.

My meals are still mainly protein based, just I am adding veggies and carbs a little at a time.  The goal is to eat the protein first and then the others last.  I have to take a vitamin table every day to compensate for the lack of greens etc, and I do miss veggies, but the small amounts I have taste yummy and are little sweet treats in my meal.

Mentally I am doing really well, I had a little bit of doubt about getting below the 100kg mark, it seemed something that I couldn't do, but it just happened and now I am here I can only see the way forward.

I will try and get back into the blogging mode as there is lots to tell, but my mind just hasn't been here at all.

Thanks for popping by, I hope you have a wonderful week wherever you are xxx

The Big 40

And today she turns 40, that's right my first born daughter, now a mother in her own right celebrates one of the big milestone birthdays.  

Happy Birthday my love, may you have a wonderful day.



Here is a post I wrote back in August 2009, I hope you don't mind me sharing it again ...

Moments in Time ... my first born

To feel you growing inside me, it was my secret, I was so young, how do you tell your Mum, your boyfriend, your friends. I kept you all to myself for as long as I could, I was scared they would take you away. I told my boyfriend and he ran, he wasn't ready, and yet strangely I was. I knew that being a mother to you was what I was born to do. I tried to tell my Grandma but I couldn't find the words, she guessed anyway and told my Mum, who came out and asked me.

I couldn't lie any longer eventually the world would know. I wasn't ashamed, I was just scared they would be angry and take you away. You were mine, I could feel you moving inside me, I would lay there at night and caress my tummy knowing that you were there, safe and sound.

Your father came back, we married, oh so young, and we tried to make it work. We were happy in our little house. It was a very hot summer and I was so pregnant - huge belly proudly worn - my child encased within.

Way past your due date, and you were so happy to stay safe inside. Three times they tried to induce you, but you were hanging in there.

It got hotter and I got bigger and then finally the time came. We had your named picked out, you were going to be Lee - whether a boy or a girl - that was your name. In hard labour, your father says, if it is a girl can we called her Christie - and without thinking I said yes - and so you came to be - our Christie Lee. Our beautiful daughter, so perfect.

Less than 24 hours old

Poppy called you a worried Eskimo - you seemed so serious, new born and yet studying those around you with a frown - your old soul showed in your eyes and I knew it would be fine, because you were mine.

We stayed in hospital for a whole 10 days, me learning to be a Mum, you teaching me lessons. Bonding was instantaneous, I had known you and talked to you and kept you hidden for so long just the 2 of us together hiding from the world. Now I wanted the world to see - how beautiful you were to me. But I also wanted to keep you close - to look at you and know that part of me was part of you. Someone that would always be there for me, even if everyone else left. You were mine and I was so in love with your little face, your tiny hands and feet. The way you wrapped you hand around my finger.

Everyone wanted a part of you, but I got the best parts, the time when your father was at work and we were home together alone. Snuggling in bed together in the morning, going for walks in the sunshine, having your baths with all those bubbles. Your smile, your laugh.

We learned the lessons of life together, me so young and you so new - and yet so old - the old soul come to help me start my motherhood journey - and what a good job you did - preparing me for the life ahead - my role of mother to many. I was truly blessed the day you were born, I was so young and yet so ready to be your Mum.

Time for an Update, Some Truth and Maybe a Little Happiness

NEVER BEFORE IN MY LIFE have I let people know my true weight, not even my hubby knew.  Of course my doctors did (all of them), my dietitian did, but scales were never part of my household and so it was only occasionally at the doctors that I actually found out my weight.

I know that back in 1996 when I had surgery I weighed 121kg and I know that prior to losing the weight on the Arava (side effect not taken for weight loss) I weighed 122kg.   I also know that I was probably up around 125kg at my heaviest.

So there, it is now out there.  

When I first went to Dr Cohen (Mercy Bariatrics) I was on the way back up from my lowest point of 109.8kg (after going off the Arava), I was at 116.9kg.  Three weeks later prior to starting the VLCD I was 117.2kg.  So still steadily going up.

You see, I have weighed between 120-125kg for about 30 years, I would lose as much as 5kg through dedicated long term effort (exercise or diet or both) then slowly it would go back up to around the same.  It seems that was where my body was happy.  Of course the side effects were high blood pressure (on 2 medications for that) and a worsening group of arthritis and back symptoms and of course Type 2 Diabetes.  So while my body was happy, it wasn't really.

Like most people, I don't always eat well or make the best choices, but I do believe portion control rather than eating the wrong type of food has been my downfall.  Even when on the Low GI diet, I did not lose weight, and it only marginally made my BG levels better.

Now in past posts I railed against my Diabetes Specialist for even suggesting I have bariatric surgery, now I want to hug him.

12 days post op I now weigh 104.5kg (I was 110.4kgs on the morning of my operation).  I can't remember the last time I weigh this little (yes I know it is not that little in the scheme of things).

I am 169-170cm in height (depends on the person measuring me) and so I was morbidly obese before I started this journey.

I had a 50/50 chance of having a stroke or heart attack within the next 5 years, not great odds.  I am working hard to lessen those, taking the drastic step of having 2/3 of my stomach removed is drastic, it is not the 'easy way out' as there is nothing easy about this.  

But I think I am the happiest I have been in years.  Today I put on a size 20 top and it fit, I bought it online and it got delivered today, I thought it would be weeks before I would be able to fit into it and look good (I was wearing 24/26 pre surgery).  But it looks great on and the smile on my face is huge.

I still have a long way to go, as my doctor wants me down at 76kgs, while I will be happy to get to 85, but just maybe I can get there.

My BMI has already dropped from 41 to 36.4, so still morbidly obese, but almost down to just obese.  Small victories and small steps.

I have also rocked this surgery and already am back on semi solid foods, yesterday I had a very soft poached egg and it was so good after weeks of the VLCD and then post surgery of fluids.

Today I had some baked beans for breakfast, a small tin of tuna for lunch and for dinner a small serve of poached fish.  I am appreciating food so much more, given that I will never be able to eat more than 1 cup of food when I am back to full diet, but it is worth it.  Sure there are the daily mult-vitamins to compensate for the lack of fruit and vegies but a small sacrifice.

I just can't stop smiling.

Oh and my Blood Glucose is almost normal and I have an appointment with my specialist at the end of February to see if I can get off all meds, at the moment I am only on 500gms of Metformin after breakfast and after dinner.  I will hopefully be off my blood pressure meds too some time in the future.

I will be able to get on the floor again to play with my grandkids, I won't be so embarrassed at the swimming pool, I will be able to fly without worrying about who is sitting next to me - and hopefully will one day be able to put the tray table down and not have it rest on my tummy.

New life here I come.  Thanks so much to my family and work colleagues and friends, who have been so supportive, who are so caring and in my corner for this journey.

Thanks for popping by xxx