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My blog expresses my views and thoughts and in no way intends to offend however that does not guarantee it wont.

I write in a stream of consciousness and sometimes the odd typo or bad grammar may appear - please excuse these.

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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

It Steals Your Soul

My hubby flew to Melbourne this morning to attend his Aunt's funeral tomorrow. She died of bowel cancer, it was fast, very fast and she had no real symptoms until it was too late.

My father in law died of lung cancer, it was fast, very fast and he had no real symptoms until it was too late.

Both these diseases are cruel, painful and take people from you before you are ready.

Today my hubby held his Uncle in his arms while he sobbed, he is not the husband of the Aunt who died, but the husband of her sister. She has dementia - it came on fast, it will last a long time and it is stealing her soul, not just her brain, but her soul. We first noticed the symptoms when we visited last November, but we did not ask, we just wondered if she was stressed dealing with her sister being ill with cancer as these 2 sister were very close.

It is not Alzheimer's, it is another type of dementia. Dawn is/was the most vibrant loving woman. Mother to 4 adults boys, grandma to a large number of grandies, great grandma to even more. She has only just turned 71. She loves to cook, she was the best cook ... now she burns things, forgets she has them on the stove. She forgets her children's names. She forgets her grandchildren's names. I have never seen a grandma more proud of her grandchildren ... now she struggles to remember them. She disengages from conversations and just sits there, the lights are on, but no one is home.

Uncle Ron is devastated, she is his life. He said "I just want my Dawnie back" as he sobbed. I wish there was a way I could grant his wish, cause I want her back too. I want to pop in when we go to Melbourne and have her there, just the way she always was, making us lunch, walking in her garden, baking cakes and biscuits to share. Making us feel like she loved us so much.

I hope when I go back that I can find her, even for a moment, just to connect again, to let her know I love her. But by the time we go back, it may be too late. This disease, it is worse than cancer, it steals your soul, little by little and yet your body goes on and on.


  1. How very sad to lose someone like this. You can see them but you can't reach them. She looked after others for so long; now it is their turn to look after her. Perhaps in the caregiving they will find some comfort.

  2. That is just so cruel. Massive hugs to you and your family. xx

  3. Nice work. I came across your blog while “blog surfing” using the Next Blog button on the blue Nav Bar located at the top of my blogger.com site. I frequently just travel around looking for other blogs which exist on the Internet, and the various, creative ways in which people express themselves. Thanks for sharing.



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