Unsettled

The morning is dawning, the humidity is rising, Max is annoying me, my back is hurting, my foot is a breath away from cramping, I am nauseous, I have the beginnings of a headache, I am cranky and snappy and sad.

I feel unsettled, on edge, my flight or fight reflex is strong today.

I am worried for friends in the path of Cyclone Yasi. I am fed up with crap at work. I am over always being the nice guy. But mostly I am sad. Sad because today was my little grandson's due date and he left us long ago. I know that he may not have been born today, after all how many babies manage to arrive on their due dates? I know none of mine did. I am sad because I know that my daughter and son-in-law will be struggling in their own ways today. I am sad because I know that their struggle will continue and there is little I can do to soften this for them. I am sad because I never got to meet my little grandson and I had so much love ready to give him.

And so, I shed a tear, just one at a time and I take a deep breath as I know today I will be unsettled for I am not sure how to feel or what to do to, it all seems so much out of my control and I always struggle with that ... I want to make it safe and right for those I love so much.