A p.s. to yesterday's letter post, and another note to my children, grandchildren or my mother.
If you choose to read this post, please don't let my feelings influence you, it is my letter to my father and let's leave it at that. I don't want you to let him know, I don't want you to think any less of him, I just need to write this letter and leave it out there in the Universe.
So Dad, thanks for calling me back today to say your got my message. Thanks also for telling me how my step sister came down and made you breakfast, how you went to lunch and spent the afternoon with my step brother. Of course, you didn't want a big fuss, shame how they made you do it.
Me bitter, no not much, just resigned to never being good enough for you. To being told not to come, not to make a fuss and then find out that everyone else did ... you see I sort of knew that would happen and I think you did too. In fact, you let slip that you had arranged the lunch a few weeks ago. Sure the breakfast may have been a surprise, but I'm sure your girlfriend knew her daughter was coming and she didn't seem to mind. But she is not well enough for us, even though I said I would bring the cake and make the cups of tea and do the dishes. No I'm not bitter Dad, just overwhelmed with disappointment, yet again.
Oh and thanks for asking how I am going, oh wait you didn't did you. Surprise!
Much love to you, glad you had a good day.
From your daughter, the one that carries your blood in her veins, but luckily has no other resemblance to who you are. I think I am the lucky one there.
It is a credit to you that you have carved out a life of love and kindness for yourself and you still have some to offer to this strange unhappy man you call father.
ReplyDeleteThanks D, sometimes it seems too much of an effort to keep him in my life.
DeleteSounds a bit like a biological father, step mother and half sister who fail to acknowledge their second granddaughter and niece. Sometimes you just have to let them go and be happy with the wonderful people who do make the time to be in your life.
ReplyDeleteFor that I have no answer as I am shocked by their behaviour. Thank you for being one of the wonderful people in my life xxx
DeleteDon't be disappoint and take time to understand, Time taught us and we can cover it by our sincerity.
ReplyDeleteJust started reading your blog and I was touched by this post. For so many reasons I can relate to how you feel, because after the death of my father 9 years ago my relationship with my mother changed - due to family and sibling issues which I won't go into (you don't have all day). I had been blessed with a great relationship with my mother and during and after dad's death my mother betrayed me badly, and continued to do so until this day. Despite trying to fix the situation and try to keep trying and continuously be rebuffed, we rarely talk and have little to do with each other. Its wrong I know, but how long should you continue to put yourself out there and risk your own heart, life and well-being? I am still deeply angry and know that one day when my mum dies I will be full of regret that I didn't try that one last time.That's not enough to make me risk it to try again, because it doesn't matter what I do its not enough. Time doesn't heal all wounds, it makes us continue to feel despondant and crave what we don't have! I have, as Christie suggests, simply let mum go and I am happy with the people who are in my life. I'd say your dad is lucky he only got told to shut up by your husband! Much love xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and commenting. I am so sorry that you are struggling with these sorts of issues too. Family can be hard work and I agree how many time do you try. Sending you love and light xxx
DeleteSome parents have much to answer for ... my Mum is someone who has pushed her biological children away in favour of step children and even friends children! Why I have no idea but I too have had to forgive and let go ... now I focus on my own kids and they all know they are my first loves. If she has taught/given me anything it's the determination that I will do better for them and my Grandhildren ... stay strong and don't let his faults make you feel bad xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your supportive comment. Sorry it has taken some time to get back here to reply. My children and grandchildren are my life and I only need to see the love in their eyes to know that all is right in my world. The shame of it is that he misses out on so much because of who he is and he just seems to have no idea and I just can't be bothered trying to tell him anymore.
DeleteThis is a nice post. I wish you all the best Kakka. I want to ask you about your menopausal experience?? What do you suggest to ladies suffering from this natural phenomenon?? Thansk
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