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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Did You Expect a Golden Pot at the End of the Rainbow? Well Ours is Green!!

As a mother there is only one thing I have ever really wanted for my children, and that is their happiness.  So as mentioned in other various posts on my blog, finding out that two of my four children were gay begged the question what if they wanted to get married?  

What if that getting married was they wanted to be truly happy?  

It is not legal in the country they were born in and grew up in, nor was it in many countries anywhere else in the world. 

Sure they could live in a defacto relationships both here in Aus and in a lot of places around the world but not have the same equality as heterosexual defacto relationships.

These are the sort of things that mothers mull about, and with four children I do a lot of mulling!!

But then the practical, logical part of me says well they have to find someone first, just like everyone does, we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Many years pass, all my children are adults, all have had various relationships, one has even got married twice.  Most of them are happy to some extent most of the time, just like all of us.  Life goes on.

Then one day out of the blue my youngest daughter (the gay one, not that I think of her like that at all but it sets the scene for all that follows) announces she had met someone online who she was in love with.

It took me a long, long time to accept that you could fall in love with someone you had never met face-to-face.  I mean Skyping, how is that the same?  And yet she was convinced that she was in love and that she wanted to be with this woman for the rest of her life.

After nearly two years of daily hours of Skype time (most of them in the middle of the night here or there given the time difference) they decided to meet.  B was to fly to Seattle and meet the woman of her dreams.  To say I was worried would be an understatement.  Who was this woman on the other side of the world who had enchanted my daughter. 

Sure I had said hello to her a couple of times on Skype, but that was all, I didn’t really know her, not like if B had been dating someone here, someone we could build a relationship with.

But sure enough B was determined to go and in some ways it was a time to see if this relationship was real. So off B went, to return 2 weeks later engaged and with plans to move to Alsaka as soon as she could.  Throwing away her very well paying job, leaving her rental apartment and selling all her furniture and a lot of her possessions and packing up the small amount of her life that was left to be freighted.

Do you think this mother had reservations, yep in a BIG WAY.  There was lots of mulling and talking and worrying.

And you know what it seemed the Universe was going to bless B.  Her working Visa was approved without the slightest of fuss, in fact she was granted a 2 year Visa.  Her future in-laws owned and ran a couple of business that could employ her and allow them to step away to retirement. And before this mother was ready and really, really sure this was the best thing, B flew the nest.  Jumped into the unknown so full of confidence that this was going to work, that K was her soul mate and that all would be good.

And you know what?  It was.  Sure there were a few hiccups along the way, families meshing and adjustments to made on all sides.  But suddenly I saw a happiness in B’s face I hadn’t seen in a long time and K was always there beside her, even though sometimes out of view when we Skyped but always there.

This mother still fretted though, what if the Visa wasn’t renewed, how would they cope if their dreams were dashed.  Would B have the strength to come home and start again?

And then another miracle happened, DOMA was repealed in the High Court of America and suddenly individual States could vote to allow same sex couples to wed and a lot of them did. 

Another door had opened as if by magic.  Not in Alaska where they lived, but Washington State, just a short 2.5 hour flight away.  Even better, you didn’t have to reside in the State to be eligible to marry, you could fly in and be married.  So the girls again jumped in with confidence and arranged their wedding.

Of course there were still obstacles to permanent happiness.  B was still on a 2 year Working Visa which was due for renewal in 2014 and there wasn’t a guarantee that because you had married you would get a green card.  That was one way heterosexual and same sex marriages run in parralel in the USA.  It also was not a recognized union in their home State, but one big step had been taken.  We spent a wonderful two weeks with the girls and this mother truly fell in love, just the way her daughter had and left them knowing that indeed two soul mates had been united from different sides of the globe.  Of course, being me there was still the worry about B getting a green card.

Again, in a show of confidence that I could only admire, K and B filled out the countless reams of paper forms, B had blood tests and Doctor's appointments and all sorts of stuff and they sent off the paperwork to apply for a green card!!

There was no guarantee, but the time was ripe, Obama was pro equal marriage rights, Green cards are federally awarded so it didn't matter whether the state in which you resided was for or against equal marriage rights.

Before they even seemed to take a breathe they had an interview date in Anchorage!

Again this mother mulled all the possible ways this could go, including what would happen if they said no!

But you know the rainbow, the one that is a symbol of gay rights, and the symbol of sunshine after rain?  Well it had a pot of gold right at the end for B and K, yep a 2 year Green Card and another interview then with the promise of a 10 year Green Card and then after another interview the possibility of applying for citizenship in the distant future.

This mother's heart is truly happy, although she misses them both so much being all the way over there, but hey what's a 24 hour flight in the scheme of things??

They were right to wear their rainbow socks on the day they were married, there was a Green Pot of Gold at the end

Thanks for popping by xxxx


  1. How absolutely wonderful. And sooky tears of happiness from here. Some day that equality will exist everywhere, and people will wonder how and why it took so long.

    1. Thanks EC, I really do hope that one day they can also be married here and in fact anywhere else they may like to and that equal marriage rights exists for all. Thanks so much for your words of support xxxx

  2. What a hopeful and uplifting story. May things continue to go well.

    1. Thanks Delores, I am sure the Universe will continue to shine brightly on the girls, they are soul mates after all. Thanks for popping by xxxx

  3. You are so right....not for many years have I seen such happiness shine from B's face. They will have there ups and downs and they have obstacles to overcome but they work together so well and Pop and I can only wish them all the happiness in the world.
    I envy you the ability to 'pop over' there occasionally to spend time in what is such a beautiful part of the world.
    We too miss B but to know she has found that pot of gold at the end of their rainbow makes that OK.

    1. I wish I could take you with us Mum, but I'm not sure that you would arrive at the other end in a state that you could actually enjoy it all. Now we just need someone to invent transporters or time machines and then you'd be right. Thanks for your loving comment about B xxxx

  4. Thank you for sharing your story, Kakka. It is so uplifting and I just feel happy to realise that in the larger scheme of things, the small things really do seem to be a learning opportunity.

    1. Thanks for popping by Rathi, I'm glad you found my story uplifting it has been a blessing for our family that is for sure.



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