Welcome to my blog.

My blog expresses my views and thoughts and in no way intends to offend however that does not guarantee it wont.

I write in a stream of consciousness and sometimes the odd typo or bad grammar may appear - please excuse these.

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Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Dark Side

It's dark outside, I've been awake since about 2.30, not normally one to suffer insomnia, I wasn't able to go back to sleep.

Normally I am woken by the dreaded cramps in my feet, not last night, last night it was my two boys having a gang fight on my bed (my 2 cats). After I shooed them away, that was it. Just me and the night. Me and my thoughts. Me and a panic attack - came from nowhere, and it is still just hanging there, at the periphery of my mind.

The fight or flight response, making my arms and legs tingle, giving me a hole in the pit of my stomach.

Maybe blogging will make it go, maybe not.

Why does life need to be so complicated. Why do I hate confrontation so much. Why do I see my father's rage in everything. Why is it that things you think you have conquered come back and bite you on the butt when you least expect it.

Just the way life is I guess.

There is grey just starting to show in the sky, it is going to be another sunny day in Perth. The easterly wind is howling, but nothing new about that.

Day by day, life goes on. I just wish The Dark Side would piss off and leave me alone.

So to go to work today and face the demons, or stay home. Well, somehow I will find the strength. 'Cause you know, life does go on and I like the money I earn.

Don't even have the strength to go swimming this morning, too dark, too cold, too painful for my arthritis. The difference between last year and this and where my body is - I am not happy, not happy at all.


  1. Oh my goodness, my dear, you and I must be cut from the same cloth. I am dad damaged as well, hate confrontation and am forever saying I wish life was not so complicated. We rise above don't we? We must.
    This is probably just a momentary slump after the wonderful time you just had at your bloggers conference. It will pass. Put on your sunglasses, put the top down on the car and let that wind blow through your hair and cleanse your mind.
    I will keep you in my thoughts.

  2. I need to give you a great big hug xxx

    There's nothing so awful as anxiety in the dark, I hope the morning has brought you some light x

  3. Thanks Ladies for you lovely thoughts this morning. It is now 7.30 here and blue skies abound. Hopefully they will soon lift my mood. Off to work I must go. xxx

  4. As hard as it is to drag myself to work sometimes (or all the time), it often proves a useful distraction.

    Hope the sun has lifted your mood. x



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