The Dark Side

It's dark outside, I've been awake since about 2.30, not normally one to suffer insomnia, I wasn't able to go back to sleep.

Normally I am woken by the dreaded cramps in my feet, not last night, last night it was my two boys having a gang fight on my bed (my 2 cats). After I shooed them away, that was it. Just me and the night. Me and my thoughts. Me and a panic attack - came from nowhere, and it is still just hanging there, at the periphery of my mind.

The fight or flight response, making my arms and legs tingle, giving me a hole in the pit of my stomach.

Maybe blogging will make it go, maybe not.

Why does life need to be so complicated. Why do I hate confrontation so much. Why do I see my father's rage in everything. Why is it that things you think you have conquered come back and bite you on the butt when you least expect it.

Just the way life is I guess.

There is grey just starting to show in the sky, it is going to be another sunny day in Perth. The easterly wind is howling, but nothing new about that.

Day by day, life goes on. I just wish The Dark Side would piss off and leave me alone.

So to go to work today and face the demons, or stay home. Well, somehow I will find the strength. 'Cause you know, life does go on and I like the money I earn.

Don't even have the strength to go swimming this morning, too dark, too cold, too painful for my arthritis. The difference between last year and this and where my body is - I am not happy, not happy at all.