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My blog expresses my views and thoughts and in no way intends to offend however that does not guarantee it wont.

I write in a stream of consciousness and sometimes the odd typo or bad grammar may appear - please excuse these.

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Wednesday, March 30, 2011


In Jan 2009 I wrote this post. I wrote it while at work, it was a particularly bad day. Tonight I write this.

The darkness seems so heavy
Constantly pushing me down

Tonight I have no energy
I have only silent tears

I don't believe I am depressed
Just stressed

I look into the mirror
My face is pale and drawn

It seems that no one sees but me
So does that really mean

That no one takes the time to look?

Nearly six weeks into the treatment
The one to ease my pain

I can only say there is no relief
None at all

There is nausea and diarrhoea
Itchy skin and mental fog

All symptoms of this wonder drug
That is not so wonderful at all

I need to do the 12 weeks
I made a commitment to the end

But it is getting harder
When my pain is getting worse

There are times when I doubt I can do this

More years of pain and cramps
More years of holding it all together

I know it could be worse
I am a glass half full person

But not tonight

All consuming
Never ending

Impacting on my life
Over. It.


  1. Wow! Rough night huh? I am sorry you are going through so much misery right now. I will keep you in my thoughts....consider yourself hugged.

  2. Thank you Mybabyjohn - you are such a generous friend out in cyberspace, popping in to lift my spirits time and time again. Thanks for the hug xxx

  3. Oh, my sweet friend. I'm so sorry. Know that I'm thinking of you, wishing you healing and relief.


  4. I couldnt read that poem and not comment, I hope you are feeling better soon and know you are not alone. A few of your lines resonated with me, thinkingof you xxx

  5. Thank you Melissa and Car - your support makes it a little easier to bear. Tomorrow I see the specialist again, so we will see what he has to say. xxx

  6. Oh dear, I hope you get some useful help and relief soon.... xox

  7. Oh no, Kakka, I was not around to see this last week! :(

    I do very much hope you have eased into something more manageable by now. Pain in the body can manifest for so many reasons and in so many ways. Debilitating, distracting.. Love and hugs to you.

  8. Thanks Alliecat and Being Me - while not 100% heading in a good direction, I am getting there through positive thought and some better night's sleep. Today has been quite bad on the nausea front, but fingers crossed tomorrow will be much better. xxx



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