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I write in a stream of consciousness and sometimes the odd typo or bad grammar may appear - please excuse these.
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Saturday, August 29, 2009
Moments In Time - My First Born
To feel you growing inside me, it was my secret, I was so young, how do you tell your Mum, your boyfriend, your friends. I kept you all to myself for as long as I could, I was scared they would take you away. I told my boyfriend and he ran, he wasn't ready, and yet strangely I was. I knew that being a mother to you was what I was born to do. I tried to tell my Grandma but I couldn't find the words, she guessed anyway and told my Mum, who came out and asked me.
I couldn't lie any longer eventually the world would know. I wasn't ashamed, I was just scared they would be angry and take you away. You were mine, I could feel you moving inside me, I would lay there at night and caress my tummy knowing that you were there, safe and sound.
Your father came back, we married, oh so young, and we tried to make it work. We were happy in our little house. It was a very hot summer and I was so pregnant - huge belly proudly worn - my child encased within.
Way past your due date, and you were so happy to stay safe inside. Three times they tried to induce you, but you were hanging in there.
It got hotter and I got bigger and then finally the time came. We had your named picked out, you were going to be Lee - whether a boy or a girl - that was your name. In hard labour, your father says, if it is a girl can we called her Christie - and without thinking I said yes - and so you came to be - our Christie Lee. Our beautiful daughter, so perfect.
Poppy called you a worried Eskimo - you seemed so serious, new born and yet studying those around you with a frown - your old soul showed in your eyes and I knew it would be fine, because you were mine.
We stayed in hospital for a whole 10 days, me learning to be a Mum, you teaching me lessons. Bonding was instantaneous, I had known you and talked to you and kept you hidden for so long just the 2 of us together hiding from the world. Now I wanted the world to see - how beautiful you were to me. But I also wanted to keep you close - to look at you and know that part of me was part of you. Someone that would always be there for me, even if everyone else left. You were mine and I was so in love with your little face, your tiny hands and feet. The way you wrapped you hand around my finger.
Everyone wanted a part of you, but I got the best parts, the time when your father was at work and we were home together alone. Snuggling in bed together in the morning, going for walks in the sunshine, having your baths with all those bubbles. Your smile, your laugh.
We learned the lessons of life together, me so young and you so new - and yet so old - the old soul come to help me start my motherhood journey - and what a good job you did - preparing me for the life ahead - my role of mother to many. I was truly blessed the day you were born, I was so young and yet so ready to be your Mum.