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Monday, September 5, 2011

Father's Day And The Issues It Raised

So I rang my father to wish him a Happy Father's Day and got off the phone totally spun out.

The last time I saw my father I did this post, other posts including this one after my mother-in-law's funeral, show who my father is. This is persona he has shown me most of my life, right from my childhood (this post which was one of my earlier posts).

Today's phone call was done with duty in mind, I feel I have to at least acknowledge him for without him I would not have been born. I dread these phone calls, birthdays/ Christmas/ Father's Day, they always reinforce my opinion of him. One I have had since childhood.

Then today, just before our phone call ended, he did something that has left me feeling confused. He asked how I was going, he expressed concern about my hubby, he admitted the last time he was too pushy and acknowledged he was the reason it all happened. The thing is, I could tell he really meant it, not that someone had prompted him to say something, but that he had actually thought about it, about me and was concerned. He said he wished that we had meaningful conversations, that I could talk to him about my life.

In 56 years of life, I have never felt so unsure of my perceptions of who my father is.


  1. People can change...maybe he has and it's not too late. You'll never know if you don't try.

  2. I would be as confused as you. I was never good enough in any way, and cannot remember either of my parents ever apologising. However, with your father my instincts say 'it's a gopod start'. One that hopefully he can build on. It would be wonderful if he could build a better relationship with you, your children and grandchildren. If he can't he is the loser.

  3. I think he has become exceptionally lonely where he is now living. I know he has his partner's son etc., not far awasy but maybe he, after all these years, realises he does has a daughter of his own. It is of course entirely up to you how you react to this latest phone call. He says he's not, but I think he is still hurting from his son's desertion of his folks etc. and perhaps he too is feeling confused. He will be 80 next birthday so now is the time for perhaps a little more closeness between you. The main thing is that you will not be hurt again if he suddenly reverts to his old self. He certainly is unpredictable.

  4. If you have a father that is alive, then I say go for it. It will demonstrate to him that he has a wonderful, caring, amazing, delightful, awesome daughter. It will be he that lives with the regret but think of how it will feel to respond to his realisation that he has denied himself of so much. We can dwell on how we feel, live for today and tomorrow can be even better.

    Forgiveness is an angelic quality that we all can aspire to. Let not your life be one of regret but of love. Never too late to love.

    I would trade places tomorrow to have a grumpy Dad that finally saw me and reached out to me, rather than a memory from childhood of a Father that felt he had to cross over and watch over me rather than be in my real world.

    But....this is about choice and that choice is yours. You will know how to handle it....I know you too well.

    Love always
    Your sister.

  5. One thing I do know Kakka is that families are always complicated (and unpredictable).

    Take care.

  6. Just thought I'd pop in and let you know I've been thinking about you. Hope everything is all right over there. Take care.

  7. Like mybabyjohn/Delores, I am just stopping by to say that I am thinking of you, and hoping that everything is going well for you.



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