Happy New Year

Happy New Year

May 2010 bring you nothing but happiness, love and laughter

May the goals you set be easy to achieve

May you find more reasons to smile in each and every day

No matter when midnight strikes for you

May the following dawn be full of promise

Many hugs from Perth

xxx

Blog Award

Melissa over at at The Things I'd Tell You passed this award onto me - Thanks Melissa.

I have to list 10 things that you would not know about me (although most of the people who read my blog are my family so this will probably not be news to them) so here goes:

1. I hate cockroaches but I love snakes, not a big fan of spiders but they don't freak me out like cockroaches do.

2. My favourite TV shows are SciFi - Dr Who, Battlestar Galactica, Stargate and all of the Star Treks but especially Next Gen and Voyager, or vampire based Buffy, Angel and Moonlight or horror crimes - Bones, Criminal Minds. Don't like sweet stuff like Packed to the Rafters.

3. I love reading horror stories by Dean Koontz and Stephen King - but I can not watch horror movies as they scare me to death - go figure.

4. I have a phobia about being bitten by a shark - I can not swim in the ocean because of this phobia - I even struggle if fishing from a boat - Jaws (even the book) scared the crap out of me (ironically it was the first movie my hubby took me to see when we started dating - I sent most of the night with my hand over my eyes). I can look at them on TV and in the aquariums but I can not swim in the ocean for fear of being bitten - I know weird.

5. I am scared of the dark - yep even now - especially if we are in the country with no street lights - absolutely terrifies me (probably because of the horror books I love).

6. When I am blue I need to shop - I normally don't like shopping but retail therapy - especially big purchases like lounge suites or furniture make me happy - hence my hubby is really happy that I don't get blue too often.

7. I can't wear perfume, even sitting next to someone with perfume gives me a headache - I used to be able to wear it, but over the last 20 years my allergies have gotten a lot worse - it is the one thing I miss.

8. I have a fear of dentists - an incident when I was young has never left me - even as an adult I can not put that fear away and I need to learn how to - maybe hypnotherapy.

9. I am a hoarder and my house is always a mess. I pile things on flat surfaces. It is just me - I would rather be doing other things than housework, hence I panic when people are coming over. The dishes are always done and stuff like that, but books, papers, DVDs, boxes - just stuff is everywhere.

10. I have overactive tear ducts (well that is my excuse) - I cry at the drop of a hat - TV commercials, news stories, when I am angry, don't ask me to give a speech at a wedding/birthday etc - for then there will be sobbing - it is so embarrassing.

Now I have to nominate some bloggers to pass this award on to, which is hard as I don't follow a large number of blogs and most of them have already won awards recently but here are a few:

So back at Melissa - but she doesn't have to do it again - Melissa has opened the world of blogging to me as I find new blogs all the time from hers.

Then there is Madmother - but she has also been nominated by Melissa (lol) - really love a daily dose of Madmother

There is Amanda at Amanda's Musing - a beautiful young Mum who I have known since her teens

Christie at Childhood 101 - my eldest daughter's award winning blog, I am so proud of her.

Robin at Visbal Family - this family is doing it tough, but I love Robin's honesty

Alliecat at A Beautiful Pea Green Boat - I am new to Allie's blog but loving what I am finding there - oh and she has just won the Honest Scrap Blog Award so pop on over and read 10 things about her too (hey Allie you don't have to blog again unless you choose too)

Donna aka as the 70s Housewife - Donna was one of the first blogs I found, she went missing for a while through a hacker - so glad she is back - you can find her at 5by40

And last but by no means least Down To Earth - the Aussie blog about all things green, organic and healthy including how to bake beautiful bread from scratch - lots of great things.

Do I Put Myself Out There

For those long term followers you may remember that I mentioned that my brother had broken contact with the family on my Mum's 70th Birthday. She turns 78 on 2nd Jan 2010.

Over the past couple of years, I have lost people that meant a lot to me. I see my Mum, stepfather and father aging. I worry how my brother will cope when they die - we know it will happen to all of us, just not when.

So my question is - should I put myself out there - risk his rejection again - to try and build a bridge that brings him back. I do not expect him to be in our lives all day, every day, but maybe he could at least be in contact occasionally and maybe talk to his parents a few times over the years.

I don't know if my heart and soul can cope with his rejection again, for while we were never close, he is my brother and so I love him - I don't have to think I about it, I just do. I dream about him and wake crying. My heart aches with the fact that if my parents die before he mends the rift that he will have to suffer with that.

I worry about him which is why I am thinking about picking up the phone, or just turning up at his house one day. I just don't know if I am strong enough if he says no. But will I at least feel I tried rather than never knowing.

I don't know that there is a simple answer to this question. Should I try or should I just let him go? Is it worth hurting myself to try and help him and my parents? Maybe he really doesn't care and when they die it won't effect him - but what if it does and I did nothing?

A New Decade Dawning

Totally scary to think that in less than a week we are entering a new decade. Remember all the scary Y2K nonsense back when this decade began? Lots of things have happened to the world in the last 10 years - financial meltdown, more poverty, more people living on the streets, more people hungry, more greenhouse gases, more global warming, more pollution. Can the next decade bring us change for the better. Can we stop being such a consumer society, can we reduce our footprint on the environment, can we reach out to those less fortunate, can we finally have peace everywhere in the world. I would like to think we can, but even with my glass half full life philosophy, I am not so sure that it will ever happen. It would take a major shift in the mind of every single one of us to make that sort of change. So as the new decade starts I'm going to try ... will you join me?

Wishing you a Merry Christmas

May 2010 bring you peace, love, laughter and happiness

Hugs from Perth xxx

I'm So Sorry

I have recently learned of the tragic accidental death of a 19 year old, he was the son of a acquaintance and the grandson of a friend (mother and daughter). He died in the early hours of Christmas Eve. It makes me wonder how much one family can bear - his brother died just over a year ago (early Dec) in another tragic accident. I feel so much for this family and especially for the remaining eldest son and brother. Words cannot describe their pain, if only I could in someway make it better for them.

Please hold them in your prayers (if you pray) and in your thoughts (if you don't), they may never know you have reached out to them, but I believe that if we send enough love their way, maybe just maybe it will take the edge of their pain. I may be naive in this belief but it does not hurt to try.

Please hold those you love close to you this Christmas, life is so fragile.

Be Safe This Festive Season

If there was one thing in my life I would change, it would be that my darling eldest grand-daughter had not had a life-changing car accident just before her 5th birthday. If there was any way I could go back in time and change the events of that day, I would do it in a heartbeat.

So, if and when you are out and about this festive season, please drive safe, drive sober and don't think it won't happen to you or yours, because accidents happen all the time. What started out as an early drive to drop someone off at work, ended up in an accident with a semi-trailer. I am sure when my daughter's friends headed off on that drive with my grand-daughter in the car - that was the last thing on her mind. It is now never far away from my thoughts as I am reminded every day of the possibilities lost.

So take care this festive season, be safe where ever you go.

Sharing Christmas Joy

For the 2nd year in a row I have donated to the online Salvation Army Christmas Appeal. Every little bit counts, and in these hard financial times more and more people need help.

If you think you can spare a little, click here, it all adds up.

By the way, I don't work for or follow the Salvation Army, this is not sponsored in any way, I just wanted to remind people the Appeal was on. There are also many other worthwhile volunteer organisations that could use your help - whoever you prefer, please give something to one of them this Christmas - Let Share The Joy.

My Life Philosphy

I have blogged before about finding the good in all that happens, even the bad stuff. It can be hard, but I believe all that life gives us is to help us learn. One lesson I have found it hard to learn is to understand I can not control all the bad things that happen to my family. But I can choose to make some good out of some bad.

As you would know if you have been following my blog, my brother in law committed suicide and it has been hard for me to deal with. I was sad, really sad for what seemed the longest time, I could not move on ... so I applied my life philosophy and thought, how can I do something that may turn this loss into something good. So I wrote a letter to my workmates, telling them what had happened, asking them to reach out to get help if they felt overwhelmed or depressed or to reach out to a friend or family member who they could see struggling - for maybe by acknowledging someone you could help them realise that people did care. That this was especially important at Christmas which is statistically a time that the rate of suicide increases.

I didn't want to send it out under my name as I was still fragile and so I wrote to my boss and asked him to do it on my behalf, leaving me in the anonymity I desired - it took him a few days to do so, but last Friday he sent the email out. Since then I have been feeling a lot better, because I felt I honored my b-i-l's death by talking about his struggle and reaching out to others.

Then today at work I was approached by someone, who did not know I was the originator of the email, who asked me to give them the number of the counselling service our work offers. The universe heard and answered my plea - someone, somewhere reached out for help and hopefully will be healed by doing so.

I may never understand my b-i-l's decision, but my heart feels better that through his loss maybe, just maybe someone else will be helped back onto the path of happiness.

So my plea to you is, if you are suffering in any way, please reach out, there are hands and hearts ready to help, you just need to find the strength to ask.

Please be safe and well as this Christmas season approaches, find the joy in each day - there is some there each and every day, some days you may have to search a little harder, but I do believe with all my heart that your search for joy will be rewarded.

Hugs from Perth xxx

This Is Who I Am

My favourite song at the moment, just love the lyrics - let us all embrace who we are.

Its Starting To Feel A Lot Like Christmas

Well I am sure we are all on the countdown to Christmas, everywhere I go there are Santas/Father Christmases, reindeer, Christmas lights - you name it - it is out there.

I am trying very hard to get into the spirit - and so have chosen a Christmas background, will put up our tree sometime during this week or maybe next weekend.

Have done about 1/2 my Christmas shopping, including buying my own gifts for hubby to give me - saves him the strain of trying to read my mind - LOL.

Thinking that maybe next year the grown ups (including my kids) will do Secret Santa - so we only have to choose 1 present rather than buying for everyone. Trouble is, as they all get older, they buy what they want, when they want it.

Just for you - Its Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

And one that brings a smile to my face - enjoy

And last but not least - do you love cherries as much as I do, I really look forward to December when those luscious little beauties arrive - then head over to Childhood 101 they are giving you the chance to win a cherry red iPod Nano courtesy of Cherry Growers of Australia - just look under the sponsors section.

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

Darkness comes and wraps me in its dark soothing blanket

The silence of night creeps into my soul revitalising with its nothingness

Moonlight creeps across my bed, running silver fingers through my hair

The heat subdued by the chill, gentle nightime breezes

Leave the troubles of the day behind, lay there and clear my mind

Readying my soul to face another day

Sleep eludes me, catch snatches here and there

Wrap my blanket over my back, snuggling under there

Stay with me darkness, do not to end

Protect me from the day ahead

Bright sun, too harsh to see, People wanting to much of me

Everyone seems to want their piece

Feel as though there’s nothing left

Nothing left for me - of me, it is gone

Ripping the phone from the wall

Yelling at dogs who yap next door

Enjoyment gone because of the stalker

Even more the constant talker

Feelings of anxiouness, wanting to scream

Keep it in, feel my soul bubble with unrest

Leave me alone, cant you see - I have nothing to give

I have nothing left, not even for me

Give me night when I am alone, wrapping myself in darkness

Seems a plan, to soothe my nerves, to let me mend

Darkness, quiet, cool night air, moonlight on my bed

I crave this in my head

Missing You

Last night I noticed my followers numbers had dropped by 1 on both my blogs. I don't have a lot of followers so it was easy for me to notice that my numbers had changed. I realised it was one of my favourite bloggers. So this morning I went to check out her blog and it is gone - it no longer exists and I miss her. So Donna from fiveby40, I hope you are okay and that the decision to stop blogging was not because there was something wrong but just because you no longer had time. Have a great Christmas, I know it is your favourite time of year. Missing you xxx

ps I just know my hubby is going to think I am weird missing someone I have never met, but I have followed Donna since I first started blogging and she has been an inspiration to me many times over.

Crying

I'm not sure where this post will go but I need to write something to get it out of my head so I can perhaps make better sense of what is tumbling around there.

I am crying, I am not depressed, I am just crying.

I sit here and type and tears fall slowly down my cheeks, I don't bother to wipe them up, they need to fall to cleanse and release the emotions within.

One winds its way down my chin and on to my neck and then downward to pool on my chest.

Another follows, until a small lake forms. I am not sobbing, just crying, one small tear at a time.

So much has happened over the last week or so that has knocked me for a six. There have been happy times but all have been tinged by my sense of sadness at a life so tragically lost. So pretty much every day, the odd tear will fall, sometimes without me even realising it is there until I feel it running down my cheek.

I could put it down to menopause - after all that is supposed to knock your hormones and hence your emotions all over the shop - but that would be a cop out.

I know why I am crying, partly it is because as much as I try to understand, I can not find it within myself, I am not angry at his decision, but I am saddened by not only the loss of his life but for those he has left behind.

Yesterday was his funeral, and I saw his aged father struggle to understand, I saw one of his daughter's sit there and not shed a tear - and she is the one I worry about most.

I saw my brother in law's coffin and I feel I should have reached out more, even though we were never that close.

I saw my sister in law and nieces struggling with the loss of their husband and father, I know that things are going to be tough for them - but I don't know what to say to make it better.

But the main reason I am crying is that I know how close this all could have been for me and my family, I heard him say the words to me - I am so thankful that he reached out and hung on because of how much he loved me. But I feel guilty that I was afforded this when others in our family have not had that luxury. I feel guilty that our lives will continue in the pattern we have become accustomed to and theirs will never be the same.

And so the odd tear slips from my eyes, and occasionally when I least expect it, a sob shakes my body, for what I have I done to deserve to have my family still together when theirs is torn apart?

I Love A Sunburnt Country

I have always love Dorothea McKellar's poem, I had to learn it at school and it more than anything else has given a love of our land (that and I Still Call Australia Home).

The love of field and coppice
Of green and shaded lanes,
Of ordered woods and gardens
Is running in your veins.
Strong love of grey-blue distance,
Brown streams and soft, dim skies
I know, but cannot share it,
My love is otherwise.

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of drought and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror
The wide brown land for me!

The stark white ring-barked forests,
All tragic to the moon,
The sapphire-misted mountains,
The hot gold hush of noon,
Green tangle of the brushes
Where lithe lianas coil,
And orchids deck the tree-tops,
And ferns the warm dark soil.

Core of my heart, my country!
Her pitiless blue sky,
When, sick at heart, around us
We see the cattle die
But then the grey clouds gather,
And we can bless again
The drumming of an army,
The steady soaking rain.

Core of my heart, my country!
Land of the rainbow gold,
For flood and fire and famine
She pays us back threefold.
Over the thirsty paddocks,
Watch, after many days,
The filmy veil of greenness
That thickens as we gaze…
An opal-hearted country,

A wilful, lavish land
All you who have not loved her,
You will not understand
though Earth holds many splendours,
Wherever I may die,
I know to what brown country
My homing thoughts will fly.

So these are some of the photos I have taken of our beautiful land - the Western side of it at least.