There are a number of blog posts I have written, needing to get things of my chest, but they stay unpublished, like a ghost haunting me, asking me why I don't have the courage to hit the publish button.
The only reason I have, is that I don't want to hurt anyone I love. Some of the things written in these posts, would most likely, devastate some of those people. I can not bring myself to do that. And so they continue to sit there, mocking me for my weakness, stopping me from blogging, for I feel that they are the truth of who I am at the moment, and in moments not long past.
I will go and re-read them and then delete them, for I fear that while they sit there, my mojo will not come back. But what if I am wrong, what if deleting them is worse than keeping them here?
Who would have thought the truth could be so scary.
Maybe you need a second blog that you can keep private. That way you can express yourself without fear of hurting others. Sort of a, privte diary. I've always felt that putting things in "print" helps me to see the situation more clearly. It is a valuable tool.
ReplyDeleteI agree wholeheartedly with mybabyjohn. I came to a point with my blog where I felt I was being gagged (self-imposed) because of all the things I couldn't say, or wasn't prepared to, in public. Surprisingly, once I started the private one, I found I hardly need to use it - there are still only a dozen posts after about 6 months - but it's there and it means my private thoughts or gripes don't in the way of my creativity and give me writer's block.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tricky thing when you're confronted with your truth and you realise your truth/perspective could well hurt another. It doesn't make you 'wrong', but a less compassionate person would not have your tact, Kakka xo
I'm glad you are back. I have wondered what's happening in your life.
ReplyDeleteI blog pretty anonymously so I should be able to say stuff but I still fine I can't or don't often. That's something I'm planning on working on this year.
You could set up an anonymous blog as the others have suggested or get Melissa to publish or at Things I can't tell you. Of if you are feeling inspired change yoru blogs into fiction and see how that works for you.
Good Luck with whatever it is you decide to do. But yes the truth can be scary and confronting.
There is only one problem with what you have written in this latest blog. People will not be able to help wondering if it is indeed them that are causing the reluctance you have to put your thoughts into words. Perhaps it is best not to say you want to say things but feel you can't in fear of hurting others. I notice you wrote this on my birthday so hope I am not one of the people in your life that is causing you pain. See, you have me wondering about that now. I thought you already had a 'private' blog that was not for general publication so why not use that one. It is certainly a good idea to put on paper things that annoy or upset you but it is a pity people may now be wondering if it is them that are at fault. If I have done something to upset anyone I would aways rather know so that I could at least apologise and try and understand how I had caused the upset.
ReplyDelete