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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Tonight

In Jan 2009 I wrote this post. I wrote it while at work, it was a particularly bad day. Tonight I write this.

The darkness seems so heavy
Constantly pushing me down

Tonight I have no energy
I have only silent tears

I don't believe I am depressed
Just stressed

I look into the mirror
My face is pale and drawn

It seems that no one sees but me
So does that really mean

That no one takes the time to look?

Nearly six weeks into the treatment
The one to ease my pain

I can only say there is no relief
None at all

There is nausea and diarrhoea
Itchy skin and mental fog

All symptoms of this wonder drug
That is not so wonderful at all

I need to do the 12 weeks
I made a commitment to the end

But it is getting harder
When my pain is getting worse

There are times when I doubt I can do this

More years of pain and cramps
More years of holding it all together

I know it could be worse
I am a glass half full person

But not tonight

All consuming
Never ending

Impacting on my life
Over. It.








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8 comments:

  1. AnonymousMarch 30, 2011 at 9:27 PM

    Wow! Rough night huh? I am sorry you are going through so much misery right now. I will keep you in my thoughts....consider yourself hugged.

    ReplyDelete
  2. KakkaMarch 30, 2011 at 9:33 PM

    Thank you Mybabyjohn - you are such a generous friend out in cyberspace, popping in to lift my spirits time and time again. Thanks for the hug xxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. TheThingsIdTellYouMarch 31, 2011 at 4:47 AM

    Oh, my sweet friend. I'm so sorry. Know that I'm thinking of you, wishing you healing and relief.

    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. CarMarch 31, 2011 at 5:22 AM

    I couldnt read that poem and not comment, I hope you are feeling better soon and know you are not alone. A few of your lines resonated with me, thinkingof you xxx

    ReplyDelete
  5. KakkaMarch 31, 2011 at 4:30 PM

    Thank you Melissa and Car - your support makes it a little easier to bear. Tomorrow I see the specialist again, so we will see what he has to say. xxx

    ReplyDelete
  6. alliecatMarch 31, 2011 at 7:32 PM

    Oh dear, I hope you get some useful help and relief soon.... xox

    ReplyDelete
  7. Being MeApril 4, 2011 at 7:13 PM

    Oh no, Kakka, I was not around to see this last week! :(

    I do very much hope you have eased into something more manageable by now. Pain in the body can manifest for so many reasons and in so many ways. Debilitating, distracting.. Love and hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. KakkaApril 4, 2011 at 7:30 PM

    Thanks Alliecat and Being Me - while not 100% heading in a good direction, I am getting there through positive thought and some better night's sleep. Today has been quite bad on the nausea front, but fingers crossed tomorrow will be much better. xxx

    ReplyDelete

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