Welcome to my blog.

My blog expresses my views and thoughts and in no way intends to offend however that does not guarantee it wont.

I write in a stream of consciousness and sometimes the odd typo or bad grammar may appear - please excuse these.

Please feel free to leave a comment if something inspires you to do so.

Friday, February 20, 2009

A Complicated Woman

Today I got told I was a complicated case - Simon has never before had someone like me present themselves to his clinic - someone with frozen accu-points within other frozen accu-points. Never before has Simon had someone present with as many blocked meridians and with a repressed adrenal gland and pituitary gland. He said I was uncommon and obviously with my now weekly massage and fortnightly kinesiology appointments I won't be cheap either. Still as I said to my hubby isn't it better to have an uncommon and expensive wife rather than a common and cheap one!

But really I am not surprised at all by what Simon has said. As I mentioned in a previous post I have many things buried deep within my soul. I lie to myself and say I have dealt with them, but the reality is I have buried them so deep I think they are gone - well in my head anyway. My heart always tells me they are there.

That is why I am finding blogging a way to release some of what I have hidden. Unfortunately there are things I won't post here because to do so may hurt some of the people who follow my blog. And causing someone I love pain is not something I can intentionally do. I know that I most probably do cause unintentional pain to my loved ones as we all do that but I can't write all I want to on a public blog because I know that some of it will hurt others. I have thought about starting a private one as well and not letting anyone have access to it, that way I wouldn't have to censor what I write but I'm not sure if that would help as isn't that just hiding again. I will have to dwell on that one for an answer.

Who would have thought that hanging on to all the hurt in my life would have made me continue to hurt myself without even knowing it. I once said many years ago when one of my work colleagues told me she didn't know how I coped with all that was going on in my life that I was too frightened to cry as some days I felt that if I started crying I wouldn't be able to stop. And so I controlled myself every day rather than scream and fall into a heap - my family needed me to be strong and there for them. Maybe that is why I sometimes have the odd tear fall from my eyes when I least expect it - they are still there stored up just waiting to be shed. And that scares me more than anything else in my life. I just can't let all those tears escape so I will continue to cry at sad movies and the bad news that I hear and see on TV because each of those tears lessens the ones I am holding onto.


  1. I notice you say that some of the emotions hidden deep within you and which seem to cause you pain can't be expressed on your blog because you fear hurting those who love you. If there is a hurt that won't go away then perhaps in fairness to everyone it would be a good thing to express what is wrong but without naming a person outright. If something has happened in one's life that causes pain it is best perhaps to try and talk it through with those involved in the hope of resolving the issue once and for all resulting in relief all round for everyone.
    People have sometimes done things without intending any hurt to result and may even be unaware that hurt has occurred in the first place.. Give them a chance to explain why or how and maybe you yourself will then be able to understand why something happened.
    I don't mean you to be confrontational or cruel but perhaps find out why something happened to them or to you etc. I don't feel it is good for anyone to carry around hurt. It is injurious both physically and mentally.
    I don't know if any of the above makes any sense but there is so much unhappiness in the world it makes me sad to see it. I am at present dealing with a family who have recently lost their mother and the ill-feeling amongst them makes me so terribly sad and I can do nothing to help any of them. I let them talk but their minds seem to be made up. If only each one would keep an open mind about the other and try and understand why.
    My mother always believed that if two people had a problem it was a good idea to sit them down to talk about it and she would mediate. It worked very well on several occasions although of course there would always be failures as some folk can be very stubborn.

  2. I know what you mean about blogging being a good release, I find it so cathartic. But I also understand that need to hold a bit back, not for my sake, but for the sake of people I love.

    I'm also thinking of starting a second, private blog, and just sending invitations to my 'followers' (as the people in my family who read my blog aren't 'followers'. Then I can say what I need to say, without fear of them finding it.

    I hope you are able to come up with a solution.

  3. Hi Melissa, I too am thinking of a private blog, as there are certainly things that I need to write that would be painful for some of my family to read. I sometimes think I have already been too open about some things here. But blogging is very good for my soul. Thank you for coming back again.



Related Posts with Thumbnails