Welcome to my blog.

My blog expresses my views and thoughts and in no way intends to offend however that does not guarantee it wont.

I write in a stream of consciousness and sometimes the odd typo or bad grammar may appear - please excuse these.

Please feel free to leave a comment if something inspires you to do so.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Its All About Balance

I had a comment on my Feeling Good post that working with Simon had helped and that I was feeling better about myself.

This got me to thinking - I would never say that I have felt bad about myself - my weight yes - I feel bad about that all the time it is the one real frustration of my life.

However I am very comfortable with who I am as a wife, mother, lover, daughter, boss and grand-mother - sure I would love to have more time to spend on all these parts of my life and sometimes one part will get more than the others just because it has to. And yes, there are things that I have done that I wish that I had done differently but I'm sure that is so in everyone's life.

For a time when I went back to work I used to beat myself up about not being a 'stay at home Mum' - as that is what I thought I would always be - I was very happy with that me. But the economy forced me back to work - it was that or lose our house. But going back to work also gave me a new me, a me that I could be proud of that wasn't tied to someone else. As a mother at 17, I hadn't found that part of me before starting a family and it was a nice surprise to realise that I really did have another side to me Of course my 'Mother' side came with me too and I am often referred to as the 'Earth Mother' of our Unit. Because that is intrinsically who I am - I am a nurturer.

What working with Simon has done is made me re-look at the balances in my life and what has shown up is that I for a long time have not been allowing myself any me time or space - sounds selfish I know - but in this fickle thing called life sometimes you can become so concerned with not hurting anyone's feelings and always being their for everyone else that you forget yourself. Then you end up like I was, totally emotionally exhausted. In that state you are of no use to anyone.
This has blocked certain meridians in my body that we having worked together to unblock.

Now Simon is not a psycho therapist of any kind, what he does is read the body's messages and articulates the messages to me. Sometimes it maybe a word, sometimes a phrase and sometimes it will be a phrase I need to repeat to make myself acknowledge what the body is saying and that I am allowing myself to let it go. I know it sounds weird but it works for me. I don't always get the message straight away, sometimes I have to go away and think about it. There have even been times when I have said no that is not right to Simon or I don't know what you are talking about, but then over the next day or so I have an insight or a memory pops up and I go okay yes you are right.

However the one thing I do know is that if I want to continue to nurture those I love then I need to keep the balance so that I allow myself time in the scheme of things. I also have to allow myself to say no and not feel bad when I do.

So to the ones I love most dearly, please allow me that time, most of you I know are hearing me and are already doing that and I appreciate your understanding and love.

And a special thanks for my children for your concern this week when I have been so sick, your daily calls just to check up on Mum have meant a lot to me. It warms my heart when the love that I have given comes back to surround me.


  1. The comment you remarked on was meant kindly and caringly and in no way portrayed the idea that you thought little of yourself. It was meant as a general comment that I was truly glad that all was falling into place for you. I think it best I don't intrude with further comments on any subject as I seem to do more harm than good for which I am sincerely sorry. I have always loved you very much and always will. You are fortunate to have so many loving and caring people in your life all of whom I know you yourself have cared for so well over the years.

  2. It certainly wasn't taken in anyway but caringly. It just started a train of thought which is what I commented on. Your love of me has never been in question as I hope you have gathered not only from every day things we have shared but also many comments I have made here. You have always been there for me and that has never been in question either, just as I am for you.

  3. I am really glad that you're discovering these things about yourself and they are bringing you some healing.

    I think a lot of people fall into the trap of working to help others all the time and the idea that taking time for yourself is somehow selfish. Laura once made me say over and over again 'self love is the most important love' and it is true. We take time in all of our relationships, so why not take time for ourselves for that is also a relationship.

    Glad to hear you're feeling better



Related Posts with Thumbnails