Its All About Balance

I had a comment on my Feeling Good post that working with Simon had helped and that I was feeling better about myself.

This got me to thinking - I would never say that I have felt bad about myself - my weight yes - I feel bad about that all the time it is the one real frustration of my life.

However I am very comfortable with who I am as a wife, mother, lover, daughter, boss and grand-mother - sure I would love to have more time to spend on all these parts of my life and sometimes one part will get more than the others just because it has to. And yes, there are things that I have done that I wish that I had done differently but I'm sure that is so in everyone's life.

For a time when I went back to work I used to beat myself up about not being a 'stay at home Mum' - as that is what I thought I would always be - I was very happy with that me. But the economy forced me back to work - it was that or lose our house. But going back to work also gave me a new me, a me that I could be proud of that wasn't tied to someone else. As a mother at 17, I hadn't found that part of me before starting a family and it was a nice surprise to realise that I really did have another side to me Of course my 'Mother' side came with me too and I am often referred to as the 'Earth Mother' of our Unit. Because that is intrinsically who I am - I am a nurturer.

What working with Simon has done is made me re-look at the balances in my life and what has shown up is that I for a long time have not been allowing myself any me time or space - sounds selfish I know - but in this fickle thing called life sometimes you can become so concerned with not hurting anyone's feelings and always being their for everyone else that you forget yourself. Then you end up like I was, totally emotionally exhausted. In that state you are of no use to anyone. This has blocked certain meridians in my body that we having worked together to unblock.

Now Simon is not a psycho therapist of any kind, what he does is read the body's messages and articulates the messages to me. Sometimes it maybe a word, sometimes a phrase and sometimes it will be a phrase I need to repeat to make myself acknowledge what the body is saying and that I am allowing myself to let it go. I know it sounds weird but it works for me. I don't always get the message straight away, sometimes I have to go away and think about it. There have even been times when I have said no that is not right to Simon or I don't know what you are talking about, but then over the next day or so I have an insight or a memory pops up and I go okay yes you are right.

However the one thing I do know is that if I want to continue to nurture those I love then I need to keep the balance so that I allow myself time in the scheme of things. I also have to allow myself to say no and not feel bad when I do.

So to the ones I love most dearly, please allow me that time, most of you I know are hearing me and are already doing that and I appreciate your understanding and love.

And a special thanks for my children for your concern this week when I have been so sick, your daily calls just to check up on Mum have meant a lot to me. It warms my heart when the love that I have given comes back to surround me.