So my appointment with Simon on Friday dealt with clearing my heart chakra (I know I spelt this wrong) - and issues of love came up. The first was the statement that 'love is suffering' - now that is a heavy one and I won't go into that here - but we turned it around to Love is Freedom and Love is Truth.
The other issue was how I love myself - or in my case - don't love myself. I suppose like a lot of other people I feel strange when I get praise, or someone compliments me just for being me. I now know I need to accept this praise and not only accept it but believe it.
I said in an earlier post I was comfortable with who I am, except for my weight, and I still hold that that statement is true. However, I don't see me the way other people do because my weight issue is always foremost in my mind. My husband loves me just for who I am, he can see me better than I see myself - all I see is a fat body that no one could possibly love. He still sees me for who I was when we met - or maybe he just loves me so much that fat body and all it doesn't matter to him. How lucky I am to have him in my life. Imagine how I would feel if I had a man that only cared about outward appearance and what other people think. I would be miserable. It is through his love that I can walk out the door each day and face the world.
So I have to work on loving myself just the way I am - it is hard though when my body always gets in the way. Not just the weight but yesterday my foot went into cramp just as I got into the car - luckily I wasn't driving. All the way home (20 mins) I had to massage it and stretch it and there I am in my head thinking how can I love myself when all seems to be going wrong. What is there really to love about this overweight broken down body. And tears roll down my face and I turn my head so he can't see. And even as I write this I cry. How do I turn it around. How do I love myself. And yet I must and I will - just another journey I need to go on to come out the other side a better and stronger person.