The Written Word

Oh how the written word can be used as a sword to cut someone down to size just as it can be used to raise someone up and give them encouragement. What we need to be careful of is how we use the written word and how we ourselves read the written word.

All of us learn in different manners, all of us read the same words and understand in different ways - one can write a message to try and help someone avoid making the same mistake over and over again, and yet the recipient of the message sees only that someone is passing judgement. Doesn't matter how well you write, when you take the body language or the voice expression out the equation - then the preset mind takes over. Then the swordplay can really begin and all over what was written and what was read. Both people may have the best intentions but nevertheless harm is done. This is especially so if the 'reader' has a pre-perception about the person sending the email, or writing the blog, or what is said on Facebook.

So do we give up using the written word, I don't think so, but maybe we should occasionally go back to picking up the phone and talking - at least that way we have voice expression as part of the equation.

Here is an example - My mother said to me the other day when I bought her flowers - "oh these are fresh the last lot your bought were on their way out" - or something similar. My comment to her was 'isn't it lucky I don't have thin skin or I could have taken that as a insult' - but being face to face with her I could read her body language and she could then read mine. But what if she had just sent that to me in an email. I would have been righteously offended. What she was trying to say was that the shop keeper shouldn't be selling flowers that only have a day or so's life left in them as there is no way that I as the buyer of the flowers would know how long they had sat in the shop. Obviously if they were dead or totally wilted I could have seen that, but flowers quite often look good one day and then not the next.

Another example is a letter I received from my much-loved grandmother not long after my 21st birthday. This letter was sent supposedly with love - well it was signed that way, but it was in fact heart-breaking for me and meant we did not speak for a long time. I read it as her judging me, while how she had written it (her perspective) was that she was trying to encourage me to be a better person.

Hence my qualifier in my welcome message - no offence is ever meant, but that does not mean that none will be taken - that unfortunately is the humanness in all of us.