Life At It's End

Today I took my eldest daughter down to visit her Nanna, who now is close to leaving this Earthly place. She was my mother in law for a few years and Nanna to my daughter for 37.

Life is a complicated thread, there are many knots, frayed bits and even breaks that happen along the road from birth to death. My relationship with M has been a little like this, strong to start with, frayed and then broken when her son and I divorced and rekindled a couple of times in the years that have passed since then.

M's life has been long, sometimes hard, especially the last 6 or so years since she lost the man she loved, the man that was her rock. She drifted quite quickly onto a slope of decline to dementia. I had the opportunity to visit her last year when she was still mostly able to function. But to see the confusion in her eyes, to hear to mind wander back and forth, to see her search and get frustrated when she couldn't find the word she needed - that was hard. She put her hand upon my knee and looked at me and said - stay young, this getting old is bad.

Today I saw her, sedated, breathing raggedly, skin and bones there in the bed and wondered why her body was keeping her here. She is 87 years old.

I pray she soon departs, to return to the arms of the man who is waiting for her somewhere. Rest peacefully when you finally leave us M.