Welcome to my blog.

My blog expresses my views and thoughts and in no way intends to offend however that does not guarantee it wont.

I write in a stream of consciousness and sometimes the odd typo or bad grammar may appear - please excuse these.

Please feel free to leave a comment if something inspires you to do so.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I Have A Story

I have a story I need to tell, it is wrapped up tight inside my heart, but it needs to come out. I don't think I can do it here because the person I will write about would hate that. But I am thinking of another blog - a private one - maybe I would invite a few people to see it when it is finished, or maybe earlier, but I don't know. Has anyone else got a private blog that no one else is invited to read? Did you have one that started that way but then you opened it up to the world, or just some invited guests. How did it make you feel?

I just know I need to tell it, if not for me, for the person it is about, so that they understand.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Sentimental Sundays With An Anzac Day Twist

Last November when visiting my hubby's Aunty (one of my 'sisters') I was overwhelmed when she offered me this ring. It belonged to her mother, hubby's Nanna, who we both adored. That in itself left me speechless and almost in tears. Then she told me the story behind the ring.

Her father had bought the stone home from the Middle East during WWII (she thinks it was in a brooch) when he returned from his tour of duty before heading off to New Guinea. Later they had it made into a ring. I don't know what the stone is, possibly a topaz or citrine and one day I will have it assessed so that I know. But even if it is just glass, it still will always have a special place in my heart.

I never got to meet my hubby's grandfather. He committed suicide when J was nearly 9 and my hubby was 4. They were together when they found him in the back shed. A bond that no two children should have to share.

I asked my father-in-law who was 18 years older then J, and knew more about what had happened post-war, about his Dad when I found out about how he died when doing some family research. It seems he never got over the war and what he saw and possibly did. He was a hairdresser who enlisted to help his country. He served in the Middle East and New Guinea - I can't imagine the horrors he must have seen, which obviously stayed with him. I believe he loved his wife and 3 children very much, but one day it all became too much for him to bear and so he chose to leave.

My ex-father-in-law, was also a WWII veteran, and I remember being told how all those years later when I first met him, he was still occasionally having nightmares about it all.

I don't know if it is any easier for men and women who choose to serve in the armed forces and train to do so, but it certainly does not seem that it was easy for those that were either conscripted or volunteered to help their country.

So when I look and wear this beautiful ring, my heart will be touched by sadness and by love.

Ted, Beryl and baby Eddie (my f-i-l) in 1932

Lest We Forget 2010

They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old.
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them.
Lest we forget.

As posted before here Anzac Day touches my heart with sadness at the lives lost, it touches my heart with gladness for a country saved through the sacrifices of so many men and women. It is beyond my comprehension that so many lives have been lost in war. Not just the lives of Australian and New Zealanders, but men and women and children on both sides of war. The hope in my heart is for peace all over the world, for acceptance of people for who they are no matter what their religion or the colour of their skin. I wish there was a way that all the peoples of the earth could have enough to eat, enough land, enough money to survive. I wish the world was free of dictators and the greedy who through their actions mean wars still happen. It may be a vain wish, but it is my wish. As Australians let us always remember the sacrifices made for us by so many. Lest we forget.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

She Returns

My Esperance Trip - A Quick Reflection

Day 1: Fly to Esperance, get ripped off by the Taxi driver and can you believe they don't take Credit Cards!!! Check into motel. Find room, why do they always smell so much - sweet sickly carpet cleaner or something - phew, not good for people like me with allergies.

Day 2: Get picked up by my wonderful colleague and drive to Stokes National Park - all up that day we did around 450 kms. Ended the day with deep sand 4WDriving, towards sunset, on the boundary of the national park. Next to us is a large farm, its paddocks full of grey kangaroos - think I lost count at around 40. Hard work trying to stay in my seat as we rocketed through deep white sand - apparently the way not to get bogged is to go fast - who would have thought. Ended up at the coast overlooking the majestic southern ocean, truly breathtaking - shame about the trip back down the sand track in the dark - watchful for roos, luckily they heard and saw us coming and hopped out of our way in lots of time. An 11 hour day - but what fun.

Day 3: Get picked up and off to Cape Le Grand and Cape Arid National Parks - we drove on the hard white sand flanked by aqua ocean for miles. Saw so many birds - Pacific Gulls, Crested Terns, Hooded Plover, Red Capped Plovers, Pied Oystercatchers, Sooty Oystercatchers, Silver Gulls - what a job, bliss. Amazed by the granite outcrops meeting the ocean. The white 'squeaky' sand beaches, the aqua ocean, the friendliness of staff I meet. Encounter with a carpet python right on the beach. Saddened by the dying banksia, struck down by Dieback, that is slowly working its way through our Parks. 30kms of corrugated track out to Poison Creek, lunch on the beach, more birds, fish jumping in the creek just before it makes it way into the ocean. Then 30kms back on the same road - reckon I lost cms off my bum - isn't that how those vibration machines work. More kangaroos and then some emus. Soaring wedge-tailed eagles. 650kms today.

Day 4: Off to Peak Charles National Park, miles of bitumen road before we turn off and drive down more dirt roads - through mud, over corrugation but most pretty good. Peak Charles and Peak Eleanora loom in the distance. Driving through woodlands now, salmon gums, then gimlet with it's bronzed stems, lots of mallee. Some very wet patches on the way out, a river crossing, then miles of straight road. Back to town to check out the Nature Reserves surrounding the 3 lakes, more dieback here, beautiful grey paperbarks fringing the lake edge. 450 kms today.

Day 5: A day in the office to debrief before flying back to Perth. Arrive late, very tired and glad to be home. My darling hubby has bought KAZZOOM to the airport so I could drive home in my little black beauty. Purring down the highway with no bumps in sight - bliss.

Day 1 : the beaches of Stokes NP (below)

Day 2 : Driving along beach to Cape Le Grand NP (below)

Encounter with carpet python at Hellfire Bay

Hellfire Bay

Death - Dieback disease

Death : wildfire Hellfire Bay

Old Man Banksia

Life : healthy banksia speciosa - stunning

Nature's sculpture : Cape Le Grand NP

Hakea laurina : also susceptible to dieback
Birth : Hakea laurina in stages of opening

Day 3: Peak Charles (below)

Peak Charles and Peak Eleanora

Salmon gums and gimlet

Day 3 : wetlands

Death : banksia sculpture against the grey evening sky

Paperbark sentinels

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Hitting The Road Again

image : fotosearch.com

Well tomorrow morning bright and early I start the journey to Esperance on WA's South Coast. Working there on exterior design for our National Parks. This trip involves me travelling around to the various NPs in and around Esperance, taking photos, getting a feel for the environment - working out sign placements and then flying home to do up the suggested colour palettes over the next couple of weeks.

While I am looking forward to getting out the office, so to speak, it really is not a good time as work is flat out.

My anxiety is at full throttle as I don't really know any of the staff down there, apart from the guy who will be driving me around, and I have only met him once for about 30 mins. Still I am sure I will be fine once I get there. I just need to keep telling myself that.

So if I have Internet access at the hotel you may see me commenting on your blogs, if I don't then there will be a lot of reading for me to catch up on next weekend.

I will set the next Muse Wars when I return - hope you can wait that long.

An update on my son, he is doing well, now back at work, although working reduced hours for a few days. Thanks again to everyone who left such supportive and caring comments. They really did help my heart to feel uplifted.

See you on the flip side.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

All Is Fine Until I Look Into His Eyes

Last night we went and had dinner with my son, and my youngest daughter - they share a house. It was the first time I had seen him since he was assaulted on Wednesday night. I knew that I had to stay away when we found out as I was so emotional that it would have only made it worse for him because that is who he is.

So my darling hubby took the burden that I passed onto him and was the rock the L needed on Thursday. My daughter had been that rock for him on the night of the assault. I had spoken to my son on Thursday night as I needed to hear his voice, and I explained about the reason I had stayed away. He told me it was the right thing to do as he would have got upset about me being upset.

Last night the first thing he did was give me a hug as he was worried about me. He gave me the biggest hug, as if I needed it more than him. I probably did. I didn't want to let him go. He towers over me at 6 foot 5 and I feel so small against him, and yet I am not - large and reasonably tall at 5 foot 7. But he is still my baby, even at 27, he is the child I fought so hard to raise.

Physically he is on the mend - luckily for us when he was knocked unconscious he fell sideways and landed on the grass verge rather than the path or the road. Luckily for us, he only got kicked in the back of the head once, as our good Samaritan called out and started running towards the attacker and scared him off. Luckily for us, he only had to stay in hospital for a short while.

Outwardly my son looks okay, if you didn't know about the assault there wouldn't by much to let you know. He has a lump on the back of his head, a little bruising coming out on his jaw, a pretty nasty headache which is on the mend, nausea and dizziness. Sometimes he feels like it can't get this thoughts straight. He is having some flashbacks when he tries to sleep, but not all the time. He is doing well, or so he says.

Until I look into his eyes I almost believe him. His eyes can't lie. Maybe only a mother can see what is hidden there. Maybe only this mother who has seen this pain before. It breaks my heart. He has fought so hard to be where he is in life. He suffered 12 years of bullying at school. He suffered years and years of anxiety attacks. He has fought so hard to be the adult he is. This beautiful independent and gentle soul. I look into his eyes, shadowed by dark rings, I see his body language and I know, this has hit him harder than he is letting on.

I feel a deep sadness in amongst the relief that he is okay, it could have been far worse. But in my heart there is sadness, I try and push it away, but it remains. So I will bury it deep for he doesn't need to see. He only needs to see my love. I will keep the tears for here at home.

In time we will all heal, it has hit all our family hard. His sisters, his dad and me. While the low-life that did this to him stole his stuff, he also stole a piece of this family.

Crime is not new to us. In the last two years my middle daughter has been broken into twice, once while they were out and once while they were asleep. They stole her car the second time. I have always been thankful that they were not hurt. Stuff can be replaced. But the fear remains in my daughter and grand-daughter's hearts. Over time it is buried deeper, but it is always there lurking.

Will it be the same for my son? Will he be able to walk the streets at night on the way home from work and not be tense. Will he assess every stranger as a foe rather than a friend?

There are many ways that our glass is half full, but I am having to work a little harder today to keep it there.

Thank you to all my blogging friends for their kindness and for leaving caring comments - each one means so much to me.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Muse Wars Challenge 9 - The Road Ahead

Are you up for it? Anyone can join in, you just need to write a story as your interpretation of the photo in around 500 words. How nice would it be for some new bloggers to join in, it really is good fun.

Originally started by Melissa @ The Things I'd Tell You the subsequent challenges have been set by:

Tanya @Madmother (Challenge 2 and 8)
Menopausal Mumma (Challenge 3 and 6)
Lori @Random Ramblings of a SAHM (Challenge 4 and 7)
Gemma @ sometimes you just need to vent (Challenge 5)
Jen @ Jemikaan Challenge 9 - the first person to link to Jemikaan gets to set Challenge 10.

The message read : WE'VE BEEN HIT, STAY DOWN FOR AT LEAST 60 DAYS, THEN RENDEZVOUS AT DELTA. GOOD LUCK : They didn't even get asked to launch the weapon - the one they had guarded, had prepared to launch, going through the drills, but always hoping they would never be asked to turn the keys and then press the red button.

Since that message, they had been unable raise anyone on the radio. Their computers and TV were dead. There was nothing but silence. So they had rationed their water and food and tried not to go insane. Insane from not knowing, insane from fear of what they would find, insane from being cooped up in this small space with each other. Their relief never arrived, which could not be a good sign. And so they waited as instructed.

As each day passed they grew more fearful. What they would find when they rose to the surface, would there be toxic gases, radiation, armed soldiers? Day 60 arrived, they could put it off no longer, this is what they had trained for and so they donned their emergency suits, placed their gas masks over their faces then rode the elevator to the surface in silence.

Tentatively they had opened the door, Geiger counter in hand, watching the dial. Both were relieved when there was only normal background radiation readings. More confident, they left the building and walked to the truck. It was cloudy, with an eerie yellow glow to the sky, like sunset, but it was mid morning by their watches. The silence outside was more pronounced than before - there were no birds singing, no crickets or cicadas chirping just silence in the hot desert sun, just the noise of their own breathing through the gas masks, claustrophobic on their faces.

The truck roared to life and they left the safety of the silo grounds and headed out to the highway ... and now it lay before them, the long road to the unknown.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Do Followers = Popularity and Should It Matter

When I started my blog, I didn't really think about gathering followers - other than my family and friends - and even then there was no pressure on them to follow me - I just put it out there that I was blogging and left it at that.

So I wonder, is there a number that means your blog is popular? Should it even matter when, if like me, you blog for yourself. I certainly have never blogged with the thought that any given post might increase the number of followers I have. Should I be thinking that - is that the goal of blogging?

The first time someone that I did not personally know started to follow me was weird. For a short time it put all sorts of pressure on me. You know like finding a new friend and the tentative relationship you can sometimes have - will I say something they don't like - that sort of thing.

Slowly a few more people appeared and my numbers on this blog sat around 15 for ages. Some of these earlier followers I now count as cyber-friends, I have built a friendship with them - without ever having met face to face. I suppose it is a little bit like the old days of having pen-friends. There are a few I would love to personally met, but then would that be even more weird? I know for me it would be hard, I am always filled with self-doubt when meeting someone for the first time.

Last night I noticed my numbers were at 40 (and 20 on my other blog) and it got me thinking. In real life I have a handful of friends, most who have been friends for a long time. I am not a friend/acquaintance gatherer as such. I have a girlfriend who has so many friends/acquaintances it overwhelms me - I'm like how can you give so much of yourself to all these people - but she thrives on it as she is an extrovert. Being the introvert that I am, I don't have the confidence to boldly go up to someone and start talking and bonding with them. I find it draining to have too many people around me, it can be overwhelming. I am never the life of the party, rather prefer small gatherings with people I know. I am not good at circulating and making idle chat with strangers. So I tend to stay in a corner and watch.

Even in the blog world, I tend to be a watcher - I try and read all the blogs I follow every day - or every second day when I am busy. I remember the last post I read and will start from there and work my way up to the newest one. But I don't always comment - just like I don't make idle chat in real life. So is that okay in blog etiquette - should you always comment?

Whenever a new follower appears, I always go to their blogs to see who they are and to follow them. But some people I can't actually find a link to their blogs - so I don't know if they have a blog or just read other people's blogs. Can you do that, just follow and not blog?

I notice as I go around the blog world that some people have hundreds of followers, so does having 40 (20) mean I am less popular, and should that really matter? For me it doesn't and I am happy with that.

So welcome to my newest follower, I am about to pop over and check out your blog. To those that have been following me for longer - thank you for taking time in your busy days to drop in and visit. Your comments are always welcome, but please don't feel you have to comment - I leave that totally up to you.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Muse Wars Challenge 8 - I Got Nothing Or Do I?

Night after night I stared at this picture when I returned from work and nothing came to me except frustration. Maybe it was my mood - the red gloomy clouds reflect the thoughts of the day, of the week - what a week.

But then tonight I focus on the rainbow wings of the warrior princess sweeping in to save this dying world.

I have a rainbow warrior princess in my life - I shall call her JB.

Today JB swooped in and saved me. Saved me from walking out of work and resigning. Saved me from the tears that spilled down my cheek. Took me to the fresh air, walked with me and calmed me.

Then we ran away together, after lunch, left the work behind and went to the pool where we swam and jogged and laughed.

Thank you my rainbow warrior princess - my true friend - my 'sister'. I love you xxx

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Water Walking A New Pool - Take 2

After work today JB and I tried out a new pool. The complex has a 8 lane 50 metre outdoor pool and a 6 lane 25 m indoor pool and a toddler pool.

The outdoor pool is 1.4 m at the shallow end and 1.97 m at the deep end. The 25m indoor pool is 1.2 m for the whole pool.

We chose to try outside where there was no a lane set aside for walkers, but a free lane with no one swimming in it at the time.

You had to climb down the ladder, not walk down steps in the outdoor pool, which worried me a lot as I have no upper body strength, or leg strength and was worried how I would boost myself out. JB and I worked out a strategy, she would push me up and if needed I would pull her up. I can hear the fit and young ones out there going What??? But I was really concerned. Still in we got, the water felt coldish when we first got in, but more than okay once we were in.
Both of us were enjoying ourselves in the water until ... cramp - that's right my PITA left foot started to cramp. I could not walk it out in the water so I thought I have to get out and walk, so that is what I did. That's right - all by myself, cramp and all, so I must have more strength in my arms or my legs than I did last time I tried to use the ladder to get out of a pool.

After 5 mins of walking around out of the pool using JB's crocs (Mum they are a type of shoe) to help release the cramp, I got back in (still wearing the crocs) and continued to walk the cramp out then started jogging again.

Being deeper than our normal pool we had less room to do our warm up walking so this might have contributed to the cramp. We might use both pools in future and do the warm up inside before moving outside.

There is no outdoor clock so we lost track of time, and thought we had only been in there for about 45 mins when we got out. Once we got to the car I realised it was probably closer to 70 mins in reality.

Getting back out at the end of swimming should have been a breeze, and was until I got to the top step and cramp (this time in my left calf and right foot) hit. Still it didn't take much to get it to release.

I am so over my body trying to sabotage me (well that is how it feels). JB, the gorgeous soul that she is, gave me a big, big hug and kiss on the cheek, as she could see how down I was about this whole cramp issue.

Still, we are going back tomorrow, after work. We may have found the pool, at least until it gets too cold. But today, I also heard abut a 50m indoor pool that is not that far from where we work either.

See you at the Pool.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Water Walking A New Pool

So this morning at 4.50 am (yes before 5) I arose, got my swimming gear on, and toddled off to a new pool. It was pitch black outside.

The nice 15 min drive there with the sun roof open, there was no sun, with chilly 16 degree air wafting in woke me up nicely. Did I mention I love my sun roof, I'm sure I have before somewhere.

Waiting at the other end was JB, luckily for me as I forgot my shoes. I did mention I was up at 4.50 am didn't I? She had a spare pair so my little (size 10 not so little) footsies didn't get hurt on the very lumpy bitumen.

We entered (it is indoors) the hot steamy and smelly pool area. Put our things down, and walked into the very hot and shallow (.9m at one end and 1.3m at the other) pool.

The pool is only 25m long, is 8 lanes wide (although I swear then are narrower lanes that my normal pool) with 2 put aside for walkers. About 10 mins into the hour there, I switched to the slow swimming lane. Did a combined 75 m of breast stroke and side stroke and in the process managed to kick a man who was submerged swimming - WTF - and got jabbed numerous times by other blokes who are totally oblivious to anyone else. What's with that?? Switched back to walking as I was over swimming, there is only so much jabbing I can take. Found that more people had arrived and where hogging the deep end (or not so deep end) which reduced the walking length even more.

My thoughts - too crowded, too small, too hot, too smelly and filled with ignorant men (and a few women). I don't like walking in loops - never had to at my pool. It wasn't deep enough for me to jog on the spot, when I tried I hurt my knee. So I drove home with a huge amount of disappointment. I want to feel good, like I do at my pool, which is now closed because our Shire is stupid.

Tomorrow, we try another pool after work. I will find one I like, but it will only ever be a substitute - I want my pool back right now.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Want a Laugh?

Check out my post of my other blog, I need to go and wipe the tears of my cheeks.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Awards Thank Yous

I have again been given the Beautiful Blogger Award. This time by Amanda at Amanda's Musings and E at Whining at the World - thank you ladies, I feel really chuffed that you thought to pass this award onto me.

So the rules for the Beautiful Blogger Award are:

1. Thank and link to the person that gave you the award.

2. Pass the award on to 7-9-15 however many bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic.

3. Contact the said blogs and let them know they have won

4. State 7 things about yourself.

So 7 things - I have done this before so it is getting harder but here goes.

1. I am now a passionate water walker

2. I love my hubby so much that sometimes my heart hurts

3. I would really really really like to retire, but my work ethic is keeping me there until I finish this mammoth project

4. I have green eyes - they were blue until I was 10ish

5. I have size 10 feet and can not for the life of me wear high heels anymore

6. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I feel like the saggy, baggy elephant - trouble is I can't grow into this skin.

7. I have 2 bad vices - coke and chocolate - I do my best to avoid them both - Easter is hard so I just eat the chocolate quickly so I can pretend I didn't have too much.

Now I am handing the awards on - some of you may already have been awarded this and if so I apologise and no need to redo the 7 things, but you may if you wish, award someone else.

Pink Patent Mary Janes, her blog is delicious, in content and style

Blessed Are The Meek, a new blog I have found, she only has 2 followers and I am sure that she would love you to pop on over for a browse.

Kristin @ Wanderlust - a new follower of mine and when I popped over to read her blog, just loved it, so if you haven't already visited - please do.

Big Brother, Little Sister - another newish (to me) blog I am following, pop over and follow the journey of Cooper and Pepper.

Kate @ Two Little Banshees - this is one crafty lady - I don't know how she finds the time to do what she does.

Cate @ I'll Think Of A Title Later - another new blog for me, and I am really enjoying popping in for a regular read.

Farmers Wife - she already has this award, but is another new find of mine that I would like to share with those of you who may not know her yet.

Sunny Side Up - Go and visit and you will see why I have passed on this award

Madmother at Meaningless Meanderings of a Madmother has also given me the You Are My Sunshine Supportive Commenter award - thanks so much Madmother for including me in this category. It is the second time it has been awarded to me and I am truly honored as I think it is such a great award. We all love comments and I really appreciate the time and effort that my regular commenters put in each and every day to spreading the love around cyberspace.

Mel at Suger Coat It created and designed this award.

I am handing it onto just a few, but really anyone who comments on my blog deserves this award.

To the ladies below, you don't need to do anything for this, but you can pass it on if you wish. If you already have it, just take this as further proof that you are a fantastic follower that any blog would love to have, I know I do. And Madmother - I really should be giving it straight back to you too.

anything fits a naked man

Lucy @ Diminishing Lucy

Jen @ jemikaan

Kelly @ kellyansapansa

Pink Patent Mary Janes

Amanda @ Amanda's Musing

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Easter

May your Easter be joyful
Filled with laughter and fun

Hope that the Easter Bunny
Left eggs for everyone

If you are with family
Take the time to enjoy

For Easter is a time of rejoicing
A time of rebirth

May this Easter Sunday
Be a little bit of Heaven on Earth

Happy Easter from Perth xxx

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Muse Wars Challenge 7 - The Lighthouse

Originally started by Melissa @ The Things I'd Tell You, the 2nd challenge was set by Tanya @ Madmother, the 3rd by me, the 4th challenge by Lori @Random Ramblings of a SAHM, the 5th challenge by Gemma @ sometimes you just need to vent. I set the 6th challenge and Lori @Random Ramblings of a SAHM won the right to set challenge 7 by being the first person to link.

Are you up for it? Anyone can join in, you just need to write a story as your interpretation of the photo in less that 500 words (although certain lovely ladies sometime go over this limit - LOL) within 72 hours. How nice would it be for some new bloggers to join in, it really is good fun.

She paced along the beach gazing nervously at the approaching clouds, her eyes sweeping the bay for his boat.

They had chosen this life after being told they would be childless. It was just too hard to stay living on the mainland seeing all their family and friends having children. They were happy for them, but every time some one had a child it tore their hearts apart. And so 10 years ago he had applied for the lighthouse keeper's position on this remote island, just the two of them living in the small cottage. Here they had healed, busying themselves in keeping the light shining for all those that sailed past. Keeping them safe.

They thought they would be here forever until just months ago she realised she was pregnant, told that it couldn't happen they had not bothered to use contraception. She was 40, he was 45 and yet somehow, against all the odds it had happened. This was to be their last week on the island before they moved back to the mainland. She was 30 weeks and the doctor wanted her close given her age.

As she continued to pace she found herself rubbing her swollen belly, trying to reassure herself and the child within that all would be well. It was just a quick trip, the waters of the bay were calm, he would be here soon.
The day had started like any other, chores to be done, steps to climb, mirrors to clean. Then he realised that one of the parts that drove the motor that turned the light had seized up. Didn't seem to be a big a problem, he rang the mainland and organised for the part to be delivered by midday. All it meant was a trip across the bay, pick it up and install it in the afternoon well before the forecast weather set in. That had been the plan.

Now it was getting dark, the sun was lighting the beach and the lighthouse in that beautiful golden glow that most days she couldn't wait to see. Not today, today she wanted the sun to stay high in the sky, but there is was on it's endless journey looping the earth. Slowly creeping closer and closer to the horizon.

She punched in the numbers of the phone yet again and still there was no answer. Damn their remoteness, more often than not the mobile he had would not work. Earlier she had rung the mainland and found that he had picked the part up as planned. Since then she had rung his phone every 10 minutes. He should have been back by now.

As she turned something caught her eye, she thought it was his small boat, ever so slowly making it's way to the shore, not where he normally would land, was something wrong?

She started running, like an ungainly duck, waddling and running, calling his name. It was his boat, but she could not see him in it. It seemed to be steering itself towards the rocks rather than the sand. She saw it all in slow motion ... the boat hitting the smaller of the rocks and flipping in the air. A motionless body tumbling out in the shallows, the boat landing on top of it.

She ran faster, her breath catching in her throat, his name unspoken on her lips and yet screamed in her head. Wading into the water, she found him face down in the surf ... still, motionless, just there. She fought against the current to turn him over, to see his face, her beloved but there was no light in his sightless eyes, no breath came from his lungs. Sinking to her knees, she held him close knowing that he was gone. The waves pushed her back and forth and still she held him close, to tired to do anything more. The cold slowly seeped into her bones as the sun set. The storm clouds providing a light show that would be talked about for years to come.

That night there was no light shining from the lighthouse. The lighthouse that they were told was cursed. They thought it was rubbish, they had been so happy there, she had conceived a child, but at what cost.

They found them there the next day, she cradling his head in her lap, one had on her belly, her eyes closed and so still, so very very still.

Water Walking Wrap Up Weeks 10 & 11

Image : fotosearch.com

Well the Pool officially closed on Thursday 1st April - and I went twice that day - once at 6am for 90 mins and once at 5pm for just over an hour.

Week 10 I went 6 times - missed one day due to the pool being closed after the storm, it was also closed on the Weds morning, but I went later in the day when it reopened. Did around 55 mins each week day and just over 90 mins on the Sat and Sunday.

Week 11 - the last week of the pool being opened, I went 5 times in 4 days (as mentioned above) doing 60 mins Mon-Weds and having the mega day on the Thursday.

I am sad the pool has closed, I am really not looking forward to changing my routine as it was right for me, but I am determined to try 2 new pools to see how I go. I have an agreement to meet up with a mother and daughter that I meet at our pool at 5.30 am on the Weds after Easter at the closest heated pool - 15 mins drive from home. I am trying not to prejudge, but it is smaller, indoors and very busy.

I plan to check out the pool near work, for going on the way home rather than before work, on Monday or Tuesday - this pool offers both indoor and outdoor pools all through winter.

There is something about being outdoors that seems right for me, fresh air being the best benefit.

I also had a blood test a little over a week ago (3 monthly blood glucose thingy) and I had hoped that my exercise would have bought the levels down - the bad news is no (well .01 drop) so I feel pretty bummed by that. The good news though is that my blood pressure is the best it has been for ages 120/78 and my doctor weighed me. She last weighed me in Sept 2009 and when she weighed me Thursday I had lost 3 kgs exactly. She was really excited and encouraging. Me, felt a little - ho hum about that - I have made it foremost in my mind that I can not make this journey about weight loss - I get too disheartened when I do that - I need to loose nearly half of myself to be in my ideal weight range. My doctor would be happy if I lost 25 kgs - even that seems too huge a number to me. So, yes I am happy to lose 3kgs, but not over the moon happy. When you are large like me no-one notices 3kgs so you don't get the wow, you look thinner comments. You look in the mirror and you still see fat - because lets face it you still are fat. Still as one of my lovely sisters commented last night a kilo a month equals 12 kilos in a year. Now that I might just be able to handle.

See you at the pool - albeit a new one!!

Friday, April 2, 2010

LIght It Up Blue

Today is Autism Awareness Day, some of my blogger friends and some of my family, deal with Autism as part of their life journeys.

To show my support and love for them and for the every day ups and downs that Autism brings to their lives, no matter where on the Autism Spectrum they or their loved ones fall, here are some beautiful blue things including my favourite things - butterflies, interspersed with my life philosophy - seeing the glass as half full.

All images below @ fotosearch.com

No matter what presents life gives you, find the blessings as there are
some even if they are hidden deep.

Rejoice in the butterfly, for they turn from ugly caterpillar to beautiful creature in their life journey, can we not all find something in that message?

On the bad days let your mind drift like the dandelion seeds across a blue sky, to times when things will be better, for it is nice to believe that there is an end to where you are now, you just need to let go to find it.

Find your inner beauty and wear it with pride, for true beauty comes
from within, more often than not through hardship and the choices you make to survive.

Enjoy the rain, for like tears it washes your cares away.

It is easy to focus on the negatives, try to look beyond, for there is beauty all around you.

Need help in Australia, the links below are a starting point.

Autism ACT
Autism Tasmania
Autism Queensland
Autism WA

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Check Out The Muse Wars Stories

Challenge 6 is nearly over, tomorrow afternoon Lori will be setting Challenge 7 over on her blog.

There is still time to write and post something in Challenge 6 before then, or just check out what others have done.



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