Well that is me today.
Some days I just feel such an idiot about who I am. I am getting worked up over something that to some people would seem like nothing. So why am I making it such a big deal? I can't actually answer that except to say it is just me.
So maybe you are wondering what all the fuss is about? Maybe not too - LOL.
Well on Monday morning at 6am I am meeting one of my 'sisters' at the local pool and we are going to water walk. So, I hear you ask in cyberspace - Whats the big deal?
Well I don't have bathers, can't get bathers because I am too overweight - well that is not technically true - I can get bathers that make me look like someone dressed in sausage skin - and a really badly made lumpy sausage at that.
So this is part of the problem, you see I hate drawing attention to myself, the introverted part of me just hates being the centre of attention, loathes it in fact.
So I say to myself - well what a big head you have - as if people are actually going to pay attention to you, they are too busy with themselves - and this is most probably the truest thing I have ever said. But what if they don't, I hate what my body is, I never put it out on show and here I am going to the swimming pool - the place where you feel most exposed.
To make matters worse, having no bathers means I will be wearing Lycra cycle pants and a loose top - so won't this make people look more - would I be better to just squash myself into some bathers - and let it all hang out - at least then I am sort of wearing what you should wear.
So come Monday morning there is going to be a lot of self talk to just get me there. So hey JB I might need a hug, but make it afterwards because if you do it first I may end up in a puddle of tears.