Hi, my name is Karen and I am a rescuer - welcome to the first meeting of Rescuer's Anonymous.
I'm not really being funny here, I admit I am a rescuer - and while I do not regret this part of my being, it is time I stopped. No longer can I be everything for everyone or should I ever have felt that I should be.
I can't solve your problems, you need to take steps to solve them yourself. I can't be your therapist - you need to find someone who is trained. I can however be your friend and celebrate your good times and have good times with you, I can be a shoulder for you to lean on - but not the sole support.
You may ask where has this come from after all this time - well It has become obvious with my work with Simon that I have allowed people to step all over the boundaries I should have in place to protect myself. I admit that I have allowed this often because peace is what I crave most in my life. I am not saying that anyone has ever intentionally trampled them but often in the past my longing for peace has meant that I won't challenge what you say or what you need me to do, it has been easier to just go with the flow - but no longer.
Now I have to say NO, in capitals, and you have to respect my right to do so. I will no longer allow my soul to be damaged, I need to let it heal. This doesn't mean I don't love you, it just means I need to learn to love myself as well. It means that I am spiritually exhausted, it means that while I help you I hurt myself because I am not listening to what my body, soul and heart tell me - that is "that it is time for me". So don't always expect me to be there for you when you phone, don't always expect me to answer your emails, don't always expect me to stop work because you need to talk about you because you need me to stroke your ego. I need to do what I need to do to heal and this will mean some walls will appear around me, if they haven't started to already, please do not take this personally.
There are sure to be other meetings of Rescuer's Anonymous as I am positive that I will fall back into my rescuing habits, it is after all an intrinsic part of who I am as a person, I empathize with others way to easily.
It is not that I even want to lose that part of me, it is just I need to learn to balance it so that it is in my favour.
Thank you for reading and understanding.