I had originally started another post last night about how fed up I am of working with some "What About Me" people, then on the way back from my daughter's house this morning heard the Stroke Me, Stroke Me song on the radio and suddenly this seemed a better title and a better post so I deleted what I had written and here is the new and hopefully improved version.
In my workplace there are two major "Stroke Me, Stroke Me" personalities and they both have different behaviours they exhibit to achieve their goal of being stroked. Now these behaviours are not always positive and in most instances are negative. One particular person also doesn't mind if the stroking they receive is actually slapping instead - they just need the attention.
Now I suppose all of us need a certain amount of stroking in our lives, we are after all human beings and all of us if we are honest have an ego, however I would hope that I get enough stroking in my relationship and that I stroke back and that I even have the ability to self stroke. And this has nothing to do with physical touching, but that I have a healthy relationship with a partner who considers my needs and who I hope feels that I consider his. I am beginning to think that I am extremely lucky. It also doesn't mean there aren't times when I feel negative about myself - hell there are lots of those times as I am sure you would work out from my posts but I also know how to appreciate myself and what I do. I don't always need someone to tell what a good job I have done - would be great it they did, but it is not the intent of my working day eg to have people gush over me with praise - no I go to work, to do my work and I love my work and am proud of myself when I do a good job.
Now as I have admitted before I rescue people, and that includes giving into to their stroking demands, partly because I do understand that not everyone has a relationship that delivers this for them and not everyone is good a self stroking. But there comes a time when enough is enough, this past week was that time and to be truthful it has been a long time coming.
But when I have a week when both my boss and one of my co-workers have huge "What About Me I Need Stroking" moments over a 2 day period finally my brain, my heart and my body (yes my body you should have felt my back and shoulders) goes okay enough it enough, no more, no helping, I'm done.
So people, grow up and have a good hard look at yourself.
To my boss - be a boss, maybe if you did that properly you wouldn't have the issues you now have to deal with, and guess what, I will continue to do a good job for you but I will not be your backbone when dealing with the hard stuff - you get paid to do that not me and not any of your other staff, so stop expecting us to be the ones who deal with it. I don't care if you don't want to be a "father/boss" because your father was (in his words) "catholic and strict and I'm not going to be that way" - well tough cookies being a boss means just that. I know you are under pressure but hey so are all of us who work for you and all but one of us is delivering and maybe if you had listened to us earlier and been a boss and dealt properly with our co-worker we would not be dealing with the issues now. You and only you bought this pain on all of us.
To my co-worker, you have no-one to blame but yourself for what it happening to you, so take a good hard look at yourself, if the same situation keeps happening in your life and you are the only constant - then who do you think needs to take the blame - yes that right it is you. It is not like you haven't had lots of us telling you and coaching you and encouraging you but you need to listen, and listen with an open mind. You are a grown woman so act like one. I know you have had a tough childhood and maybe your life hasn't turned out like you thought it would but guess what there are a few of us who work alongside you who have not had it easy either and yet we can act like grown people because we have taken the steps and taken responsibility for who we are. Maybe, just maybe if you did that you would find your life is suddenly a whole lot better.
So there it is said, and yes maybe this is the safe option, say it here where they probably will never find it - but guess what - I'm so fired up I will probably say it to them anyway. Who cares what the fall out is - I am just plain tired of working my butt off and seeing my staff and other co-workers working their butts off while one of you does nothing and the other may work hard but only wants to undertake the bits of their job that they like!
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