The Big 40

And today she turns 40, that's right my first born daughter, now a mother in her own right celebrates one of the big milestone birthdays.  

Happy Birthday my love, may you have a wonderful day.



Here is a post I wrote back in August 2009, I hope you don't mind me sharing it again ...

Moments in Time ... my first born

To feel you growing inside me, it was my secret, I was so young, how do you tell your Mum, your boyfriend, your friends. I kept you all to myself for as long as I could, I was scared they would take you away. I told my boyfriend and he ran, he wasn't ready, and yet strangely I was. I knew that being a mother to you was what I was born to do. I tried to tell my Grandma but I couldn't find the words, she guessed anyway and told my Mum, who came out and asked me.

I couldn't lie any longer eventually the world would know. I wasn't ashamed, I was just scared they would be angry and take you away. You were mine, I could feel you moving inside me, I would lay there at night and caress my tummy knowing that you were there, safe and sound.

Your father came back, we married, oh so young, and we tried to make it work. We were happy in our little house. It was a very hot summer and I was so pregnant - huge belly proudly worn - my child encased within.

Way past your due date, and you were so happy to stay safe inside. Three times they tried to induce you, but you were hanging in there.

It got hotter and I got bigger and then finally the time came. We had your named picked out, you were going to be Lee - whether a boy or a girl - that was your name. In hard labour, your father says, if it is a girl can we called her Christie - and without thinking I said yes - and so you came to be - our Christie Lee. Our beautiful daughter, so perfect.

Less than 24 hours old

Poppy called you a worried Eskimo - you seemed so serious, new born and yet studying those around you with a frown - your old soul showed in your eyes and I knew it would be fine, because you were mine.

We stayed in hospital for a whole 10 days, me learning to be a Mum, you teaching me lessons. Bonding was instantaneous, I had known you and talked to you and kept you hidden for so long just the 2 of us together hiding from the world. Now I wanted the world to see - how beautiful you were to me. But I also wanted to keep you close - to look at you and know that part of me was part of you. Someone that would always be there for me, even if everyone else left. You were mine and I was so in love with your little face, your tiny hands and feet. The way you wrapped you hand around my finger.

Everyone wanted a part of you, but I got the best parts, the time when your father was at work and we were home together alone. Snuggling in bed together in the morning, going for walks in the sunshine, having your baths with all those bubbles. Your smile, your laugh.

We learned the lessons of life together, me so young and you so new - and yet so old - the old soul come to help me start my motherhood journey - and what a good job you did - preparing me for the life ahead - my role of mother to many. I was truly blessed the day you were born, I was so young and yet so ready to be your Mum.

Time for an Update, Some Truth and Maybe a Little Happiness

NEVER BEFORE IN MY LIFE have I let people know my true weight, not even my hubby knew.  Of course my doctors did (all of them), my dietitian did, but scales were never part of my household and so it was only occasionally at the doctors that I actually found out my weight.

I know that back in 1996 when I had surgery I weighed 121kg and I know that prior to losing the weight on the Arava (side effect not taken for weight loss) I weighed 122kg.   I also know that I was probably up around 125kg at my heaviest.

So there, it is now out there.  

When I first went to Dr Cohen (Mercy Bariatrics) I was on the way back up from my lowest point of 109.8kg (after going off the Arava), I was at 116.9kg.  Three weeks later prior to starting the VLCD I was 117.2kg.  So still steadily going up.

You see, I have weighed between 120-125kg for about 30 years, I would lose as much as 5kg through dedicated long term effort (exercise or diet or both) then slowly it would go back up to around the same.  It seems that was where my body was happy.  Of course the side effects were high blood pressure (on 2 medications for that) and a worsening group of arthritis and back symptoms and of course Type 2 Diabetes.  So while my body was happy, it wasn't really.

Like most people, I don't always eat well or make the best choices, but I do believe portion control rather than eating the wrong type of food has been my downfall.  Even when on the Low GI diet, I did not lose weight, and it only marginally made my BG levels better.

Now in past posts I railed against my Diabetes Specialist for even suggesting I have bariatric surgery, now I want to hug him.

12 days post op I now weigh 104.5kg (I was 110.4kgs on the morning of my operation).  I can't remember the last time I weigh this little (yes I know it is not that little in the scheme of things).

I am 169-170cm in height (depends on the person measuring me) and so I was morbidly obese before I started this journey.

I had a 50/50 chance of having a stroke or heart attack within the next 5 years, not great odds.  I am working hard to lessen those, taking the drastic step of having 2/3 of my stomach removed is drastic, it is not the 'easy way out' as there is nothing easy about this.  

But I think I am the happiest I have been in years.  Today I put on a size 20 top and it fit, I bought it online and it got delivered today, I thought it would be weeks before I would be able to fit into it and look good (I was wearing 24/26 pre surgery).  But it looks great on and the smile on my face is huge.

I still have a long way to go, as my doctor wants me down at 76kgs, while I will be happy to get to 85, but just maybe I can get there.

My BMI has already dropped from 41 to 36.4, so still morbidly obese, but almost down to just obese.  Small victories and small steps.

I have also rocked this surgery and already am back on semi solid foods, yesterday I had a very soft poached egg and it was so good after weeks of the VLCD and then post surgery of fluids.

Today I had some baked beans for breakfast, a small tin of tuna for lunch and for dinner a small serve of poached fish.  I am appreciating food so much more, given that I will never be able to eat more than 1 cup of food when I am back to full diet, but it is worth it.  Sure there are the daily mult-vitamins to compensate for the lack of fruit and vegies but a small sacrifice.

I just can't stop smiling.

Oh and my Blood Glucose is almost normal and I have an appointment with my specialist at the end of February to see if I can get off all meds, at the moment I am only on 500gms of Metformin after breakfast and after dinner.  I will hopefully be off my blood pressure meds too some time in the future.

I will be able to get on the floor again to play with my grandkids, I won't be so embarrassed at the swimming pool, I will be able to fly without worrying about who is sitting next to me - and hopefully will one day be able to put the tray table down and not have it rest on my tummy.

New life here I come.  Thanks so much to my family and work colleagues and friends, who have been so supportive, who are so caring and in my corner for this journey.

Thanks for popping by xxx

The Eagle Has Landed

Just a quick note to let you know I am now home and doing well.  I will update a bit more in the next day or two.

Thanks so much for all your support and healing wishes and prayers, they certainly helped me through a speedy transition to no pain (or very little) and being able to tolerate my nourishing fluids.

Thanks for popping by xxx

Houston, we are at 48 hours and counting

Image

That's right by this time in 48 hours, I will have had my surgery, well hopefully I will have!!

The Dr dropped this beauty on Monday, maybe I won't have surgery, it could get cancelled and I wont know until I get to the hospital on Friday morning!!

So ramp up my anxiety levels, just a little higher, why not I ask??

Apparently because of my co-morbidity factors, high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes, I need to go to ICU after recovery, for a minimum of 12 hours.  So, it seems that even though there is a bed in ICU booked for me, if someone else has some sort of emergency post op, or heart attack or the like, they can take my bed (and rightfully so but I will still be pissed off).

If this happens, well apparently I get fitted in some time later, who knows when ... a week, 2 weeks, a month???

So, I have been trying to put that aside and just focus on the fact that surgery will happen some time Friday afternoon.  I have to be in at the hospital at 10, I can have breakfast in the morning and not eat or drink after 8 am, so I imagine I'm later in the afternoon rather than straight after lunch.  Or maybe a protein bar and a cup of tea doesn't take that long to digest.

The Dr is pleased as I have lost 6 kgs now (and according to my scales this morning maybe 7kg) on the VLCD.

I am almost off my insulin, only need to take it about once a week and at minimum dose.  I have dropped 1 Diamicron and 1 Metformin tablet a day and seem to be having almost 'normal' levels when I do the fasting test in the morning and the pre-bed test at night.

Which raises the question, why the hell is that happening.  It is not the 6kg weight loss, it actually started the day I started the VLCD, in fact I had a mega hypo that afternoon as I took 2 diamicron that morning and the normal dose of insulin the night before.  In fact, I lost 12 kgs last year and I am only back to that level now and I certainly didn't have any reduction in BG with that weight loss.

It leaves me asking the question, does Diabetes Australian really know what they are talking about with regard to Type 2 Diabetes.  There mantra is not much protein, lots of green vegetables and a small but consistent amount of carbs (Low GI ones).  This diet is high protein, lots of green vegetables (no starchy ones) and NO carbs.  That's right NONE.  Which should be rights give me high BG levels.

Does this mean I really am a square peg in a round hole??  In fact, the Dr was blown away when I told him, made him go from we can get you off insulin post surgery but not into remission, to saying, well maybe remission is a possibility for me.  Not hanging onto that, but wouldn't that be fantastic if that was the case.  I had set my goal as off insulin and done to just Metformin, and I will still be happy with that, but this raises the question, can I do it, and if I can, how long will it last before/if my BG levels start to go up.  I would love it if the answer was they stay down forever, but I am just not sure that if you have got to insulin dependence once, that you don't gradually work your way back there again because you have intrinsically broken something.

So if you pray, I would appreciate your prayers, and if you don't - you healing thoughts and wishes would also be lovely ... I am going to imagine myself wrapped in healing light and love, to give me the courage to take this step ... one huge step, for me, for weight loss and for the future.  I was going to do the whole Neil Armstrong quote, but thought that might be a tad tacky - lol.

Thanks for popping by xxx