Goodbye Dear and Faithful Friend

Jarmie's last photo (taken by my Mum in October 2013)

Goodbye Dear and Faithful Friend

No more clipping of your paws as you walk down the hall

No more brupping as you greet us at the door

No more sharing our left over meals

No more cream on the plate near the fridge

No more finding you on the bed in the afternoon sun

No more joy at seeing your face and beautiful green eyes

No more laughs with your antics at play

We will miss you more than words can ever say

Our companion and friend for over 19 years

Part of our family for so long

You bought us so much joy and laughter

You helped to raise our children and grand-children

You never once scratched or bit or even growled 

So much patience with all of us

Even with rat bag Max

 We are so sad to say goodbye

But we know the time is right

Goodbye Dear and Faithful Friend

RIP Jarmie - Jan 1994 to Nov 2013

You loved sleeping on the bed in the afternoon sun so much

Our family photo in November 2012, and of course you were included

You even learned to tolerate Max

So patient with all our grand-daughters, never once growling or scratching even if they were a little rough

Jarmie lived all his life in our garden and so we will bring home is ashes and plant them under a rose bush in his memory.

Thanks for popping by on this sad day in our lives xxxx

Overwhelmed

Ever have one of those days, a day when you just feel overwhelmed. Well today has been one of those days. Even though it has had the joy of having my youngest grand-daughter being here for the morning with her smiling face and amazing sense of humour, it has still been one of those days.

Overwhelmed by how much stuff I have, trying to sort out a new study with the wonderful help of my eldest daughter.

Overwhelmed by not having my plans really turn out the way I would have liked, in my plans that room would actually have been my husband's drum room and where his drum room is now would be our bedroom and where our bedroom is would have become a study we could share.

Overwhelmed with sadness right now as he has just left yet again to fly to Adelaide. I have even begun to miss him before he leaves now - that sense of melancholy that starts just after lunch and gets stronger the closer we come to the time for him to drive to the airport. Today that sense has truly overwhelmed me.

Time for me to find a way to turn this glass to half full - but maybe I will just allow myself some time to cry first.

A Mixture of Feelings and Emotions

Devastated is how I felt watching and hearing the news of all the people who have lost their lives and homes and possessions. Devastated is what the countryside looks like ... just burnt earth and blackened trees. Tears of sorrow falling from my eyes for people I don't know but who did not deserve to die this way.

Angry is how I feel knowing that some of these fires have been started by arsonists, twisted people with a fetish for fire ... let them burn in hell I say.

Proud is how I feel seeing the Australian spirit rallying behind those that have lost so much.

Admiration is what I feel for those fire fighters, risking all to save others, and often losing their own in the process.

Respect is what I feel for those people who have to go through the rubble to find and identify the bodies.

Sadness is what I feel for those who were evacuated only to return to nothingness.

Hopelessness is how I feel, for I am so far away and there is little I can do except donate to Red Cross.

Empathy is what I have for those who go to bed tonight ... without someone in their lives - lost to fire ... without a home to return to ... with only the clothes on their back ... to those that continue to fight the fires without rest for days on end.

Hope is what I feel - hope that those that survived are uplifted by the thoughts and prayers of so many strangers who have watched in disbelief as these fires thundered through Victoria like a freight train from hell.

Love is what I send and may in some way it make its way across Australia and into the hearts of those that need it most.

Loneliness

Isn't it strange that you can be lonely when surrounded by people. Sometimes my soul is lonely, I don't know why and maybe it is not so much that it is lonely but that it is sad. Sad that my hubby has to go away again tomorrow and won't be back until Thursday night. He has been working away every week in Adelaide for over six months, and the only time he has been here for more than a weekend was when his Mum died and over Christmas and when we had 2 weeks holiday together in November.

I miss the little things when he is away ... the way he gives me kisses for no reason, the way he comes and strokes my hair as he walks past when I am watching TV, the cups of tea he makes for me, the way he rubs my back when it hurts (even though he doesn't know how to massage the warmth of the rubbing helps) ... it's the little things I miss.

And so here I am today surrounded by people I love including my adorable nearly 1 year old grand-daughter and yet my soul feels lonely and a little sad because tomorrow he will be gone again. I hope he knows just how much I love and miss him. I try not to tell him how much I miss him because I know that will make him sad too and because he has suffered from depression in the past I don't want to make him sad. It is just that I love him soo much and I don't feel whole when he is not around.

Hurting Ourselves

On Saturday I am going to see a kinesiologist - I've tried everything else that normal medicine has on offer to try and overcome my pain. Living with pain 24/7 even on the days when it is not too bad is so draining on my spirit. Somedays I wish I was not me, just for a day, but that is not ever going to happen.

Today while driving to work I found myself crying, just the odd tear escaping from each eye every now and then. I seem to find this happening more often nowadays. I am not depressed in the normal fashion, but I am emotionally exhausted, I have nothing left to give, not even to myself. The battery that keeps me ticking along just seems to have very little charge left in it. I know that I am not sleeping well and that doesn't help either, but I need to do something.

So I have made an appointment to see Simon - a lovely man who believes that we sometimes injure ourselves by holding on to stuff - stuff from our childhood, stuff from our everyday lives and stuff we don't even know we are holding onto. This blocks the meridians in our body and this effects our muscles. Now it might sound like smoke and mirrors to those non-believers out there, but I believe our mind is sometimes our worst enemy and sometimes our strongest friend. Simon believes I have at least 3 frozen accu-points in my body - 1 at the base of my skull, 1 in my shoulder and 1 in my back. He did a simple test today with amazing results. So smoke and mirrors or not, I believe I have nothing to lose, except the $80 it will cost me for 1 1/2 hours treatment - costs me more than that for my hair!

From what I have heard and understand about kinesiology I may have to confront things about myself - I am really quite scared about that aspect of the treatment, I like to be in control at all times but maybe this time I need to let go.

I am scared that many tears will be shed because I know when I am honest with myself that I hold on to everything. I store it in little places in my soul and bury it down so deep that I sometimes forget it is there, but it is. My soul bruises very easily, that doesn't mean I am thin skinned, but I take on the troubles of the world and the blows that others receive hit me as well. I don't understand all the bad things that are happening out there, I don't understand the selfishness of some people, I don't understand the hate, there is just so much that upsets me - and these are things I have no control over.

I feel physical pain every time I hear someone close to me saying hurtful to others they love and I love. My heart feels it all. I know that no one is happy 100% of the time and we all lash out in times of stress - I do it myself, I am certainly not perfect and when I do it too that hurts my heart even more. So I over compensate and try and control all the things I can within my sphere of influence.

Don't even get me started on how I feel about myself and my weight.

Yes I think there may be many tears shed, but oh to be free of pain.

Could Someone Please Explain

I just don't understand how/why:

some parents think it is okay to abuse their children -

some partners think it is okay to abuse their spouses -

some religions think it is okay to mutilate their women -

some people think it is okay for others to starve and be oppressed as long as it is not in their backyard -

some governments think they can make war in other countries in the name of liberation when everyone knows it is all about the oil -

some people can hate others and use their religion as justification -

some people think child pornography is okay -

some people think children are sexy -

some people think it is okay to produce and distribute drugs -

some people think it is okay to get drunk and fight with others -

some people think they can do whatever they like because it is their right -

some countries think it is okay to hunt whales and take the fins from sharks and leave them to die -

why each religion has it zealots that seem to do everything possible to incite hate, which is everything that a true religion is not -

some people think it is okay to be bigoted and a racist just because they are white skinned -

When did we as humans become this horrible? Has it always been so? Is it just that now with the media we know more about it? My heart breaks to see and hear all the bad things that are happening in our world. I hope my two grand-daughters inherit a world where these sorts of things no longer happen, if only that was possible. I live in hope.