Can You Help Me Understand

Yesterday my husband's brother in law committed suicide.

I know that things had not been great in their relationship, but he had 3 beautiful daughters aged 15, 16 and 19 - can someone help me understand how he could leave them behind.

I know that in his mind he probably thought he was actually doing the right thing by removing himself from their lives. But suicide is never the answer.

I understand that in the blackness that is depression that there seems that there is no light at the end of the tunnel, I have never felt that way, but I get it. What I don't get is how you can choose to leave your daughters - when people get cancer, they fight. They fight hard to stay with us, they don't want to let go.

I'm not saying he made this decision lightly, I am sure he didn't. He took care in how he died, he left no mess, it was not violent - but he died and his eldest daughter had to be the one that dealt with the police and the coroner. No one should have to deal with that at 19. My sister in law and the other 2 girls live 3 hours drive away, so it was his daughter who is here at University (with support from her boyfriend and my hubby) that went to the unit and dealt with the result of his decision.

I don't believe he made the decision because he wanted to be selfish, I'm sure he thought he was being selfless - leaving to make their lives better. But it is not selfless, because someone has to deal with what is left, and that person, that sweet girl is 19.

So please can you help me understand, for I can't at this point.

And please if you suffer from depression, reach out for help, for suicide is not a selfless act, for those you leave behind will always struggle to understand. Death is final, there is no second chance. Please if you feel that isolated, that alone, find the strength to reach out. I know it is easy for me to say, I am not trivialising depression, I have seen it first hand and I know how hard it is, but my plea is for you to hang on.

www.beyondblue.org.au