What Am I Doing Here? My Gym Diary

What the hell am I doing here?  Wanders through my thoughts as I walk on the treadmill, gradually getting up to 4kmh, my knee slowly getting sorer and sorer, my hips feeling totally uncomfortable. I feel so awkward, so uncoordinated, so out of place it is scary.

I look around me and see a young woman jogging on her treadmill, her eyes forward, totally focused, never missing a step.  I look forward again and see two women, side by side on spin bikes, pumping their legs in an every increasing race, standing from the saddle, sweat shining on their backs, and again the thought crosses my mind ... what the hell am I doing here?

There is no one in the gym that looks like me, no middle aged overweight women, just young fit ones it seems.  Maybe it is the time of day or maybe this is the norm - sigh.

My 5 minutes on the treadmill is up, and suddenly my personal trainer appears at my side, enthusiastically asking how I am today.  Do I tell her the truth?  Nah, I just water it down a little, not too bad I hear myself saying, apart from my knee being a little sore, when in reality I am aching all over and my knee is killing me.  She smiles and takes me off to the new program she has designed for me.

Chest presses, rowing, arm curls, stretches, twists and more treadmill.  Do I feel endorphins pumping - nope.  Do I feel like a fish out of water - yep.   My knee is even sorer on the 2nd round of the treadmill so after 2 minutes I stop.

So 3 times a week I am supposed to go, and once a week she wants me in the pool, not here as there isn't one, but at the small heated pool in a nearby suburb?  Really I think to myself, when do I fit that in, apart from the fact it is horrible there.

What the hell am I doing here?  It keeps crossing my mind like my new mantra.  Then I look down and see my stomach, the new grabable stomach ad flashes into my mind, yep that's what I am doing here.  Trying to get fitter, trying to lose some weight, even 10kgs would make me happy.

Do I think I can do this, not really.  I am not motivated, my personal trainer is nice but not really for me I think, but then is anyone right when your mind is not there?

Will I keep trying, sure that's why I signed up for 3 months, I don't want to waste my money.  So my gym journey has began, so has my gym diary, lets hope I eventually feel those zinging endorphins and not my pain ... maybe then I have a chance.

This Body

This body of mine is truly doing my head in.

Once, long ago, I was thin, then I had 4 children and my body decided it like being bigger, and with each baby it got bigger and bigger.  So when I finished having my children I was no longer thin, not by a long shot.  I say my body decided this because I can truly say I did not eat for two, I was reasonably active and certainly having 4 children kept me running around.

My body has not varied it's weight much in the 30 years since I was pregnant with my last child.  It goes up and down by about 2-3kgs but pretty much has stuck at the same weight all that time.

I said to myself, I will be fit by 40 - didn't happen, couldn't get myself motivated and with working and raising a family I never seemed to have the time.

I said to myself, I will lose some weight by my 50th birthday - didn't happen, by then my arthritis was out of control, my motivation was zero and I was just plain tired all of the decade between 40-50.

So now I am nearly 57 and in the last year I have lost 12kgs, not through any effort but through the side-effects of one of my medications.  I am now off that medication and I have put on 1.2kgs, because my body likes being the weight it is.

I on the other hand don't.  I am tired of being obese, I am tired of hiding myself from my hubby (my issue not his), I am tired of being tired, I am trying to get fit so I can be healthier.  So I joined a gym.

My body on the other hand has other ideas.  One session and my arthritis is the worse it has been in 10 years.  I am in so much pain that it is ridiculous.  Seriously, I am over my body dictating my life ... so tomorrow I will go back to the gym, seriously body, we need to lose weight so be a little kinder to me - please!!!

See here's proof that I used to be thin!!

As a p.s. to this post, my personal trainer has just cancelled todays' session and can't fit me in until next Saturday, so is the Universe now plotting against me as well - sigh!!!

A Pain In The Neck

I was wondering why my neck was suddenly so sore yesterday afternoon and evening and is still so this morning. All the muscles are so tight and ropey. Then I realised - yesterday I not only water walked, but did some swimming as well. Who'd a thought? That also explains the slightly sore right shoulder (my bad one).

Still will be back there this morning so hopefully the 'hair of the dog' will ease it rather than make it worse - LOL.

Also caught a bit of sun yesterday and the boobs are a little pink this morning, so while the East coast of Aus is shivering, it is warm and sunny here. So must remember the sunscreen today.

Hope your weekend is cruising along, and if you are on the East coast - rug up as I believe today is more of the same.

Water Walking - It's Back

Yippee, the pool is open again and this morning off I went with JB and spent a fantastic 45 mins chatting and walking and chatting and walking. The dreaded easterly wind was almost non-existent, the sun warming (even though it was 6am) and the pool water warmed to an almost perfect temperature.

Guess where I am going tomorrow - yep, back to the pool.

Water Walking A New Pool - Take 2

After work today JB and I tried out a new pool. The complex has a 8 lane 50 metre outdoor pool and a 6 lane 25 m indoor pool and a toddler pool.

The outdoor pool is 1.4 m at the shallow end and 1.97 m at the deep end. The 25m indoor pool is 1.2 m for the whole pool.

We chose to try outside where there was no a lane set aside for walkers, but a free lane with no one swimming in it at the time.

You had to climb down the ladder, not walk down steps in the outdoor pool, which worried me a lot as I have no upper body strength, or leg strength and was worried how I would boost myself out. JB and I worked out a strategy, she would push me up and if needed I would pull her up. I can hear the fit and young ones out there going What??? But I was really concerned. Still in we got, the water felt coldish when we first got in, but more than okay once we were in.

Both of us were enjoying ourselves in the water until ... cramp - that's right my PITA left foot started to cramp. I could not walk it out in the water so I thought I have to get out and walk, so that is what I did. That's right - all by myself, cramp and all, so I must have more strength in my arms or my legs than I did last time I tried to use the ladder to get out of a pool.

After 5 mins of walking around out of the pool using JB's crocs (Mum they are a type of shoe) to help release the cramp, I got back in (still wearing the crocs) and continued to walk the cramp out then started jogging again.

Being deeper than our normal pool we had less room to do our warm up walking so this might have contributed to the cramp. We might use both pools in future and do the warm up inside before moving outside.

There is no outdoor clock so we lost track of time, and thought we had only been in there for about 45 mins when we got out. Once we got to the car I realised it was probably closer to 70 mins in reality.

Getting back out at the end of swimming should have been a breeze, and was until I got to the top step and cramp (this time in my left calf and right foot) hit. Still it didn't take much to get it to release.

I am so over my body trying to sabotage me (well that is how it feels). JB, the gorgeous soul that she is, gave me a big, big hug and kiss on the cheek, as she could see how down I was about this whole cramp issue.

Still, we are going back tomorrow, after work. We may have found the pool, at least until it gets too cold. But today, I also heard abut a 50m indoor pool that is not that far from where we work either.

See you at the Pool.

Water Walking A New Pool

So this morning at 4.50 am (yes before 5) I arose, got my swimming gear on, and toddled off to a new pool. It was pitch black outside.

The nice 15 min drive there with the sun roof open, there was no sun, with chilly 16 degree air wafting in woke me up nicely. Did I mention I love my sun roof, I'm sure I have before somewhere.

Waiting at the other end was JB, luckily for me as I forgot my shoes. I did mention I was up at 4.50 am didn't I? She had a spare pair so my little (size 10 not so little) footsies didn't get hurt on the very lumpy bitumen.

We entered (it is indoors) the hot steamy and smelly pool area. Put our things down, and walked into the very hot and shallow (.9m at one end and 1.3m at the other) pool.

The pool is only 25m long, is 8 lanes wide (although I swear then are narrower lanes that my normal pool) with 2 put aside for walkers. About 10 mins into the hour there, I switched to the slow swimming lane. Did a combined 75 m of breast stroke and side stroke and in the process managed to kick a man who was submerged swimming - WTF - and got jabbed numerous times by other blokes who are totally oblivious to anyone else. What's with that?? Switched back to walking as I was over swimming, there is only so much jabbing I can take. Found that more people had arrived and where hogging the deep end (or not so deep end) which reduced the walking length even more.

My thoughts - too crowded, too small, too hot, too smelly and filled with ignorant men (and a few women). I don't like walking in loops - never had to at my pool. It wasn't deep enough for me to jog on the spot, when I tried I hurt my knee. So I drove home with a huge amount of disappointment. I want to feel good, like I do at my pool, which is now closed because our Shire is stupid.

Tomorrow, we try another pool after work. I will find one I like, but it will only ever be a substitute - I want my pool back right now.

Water Walking Wrap Up Weeks 10 & 11

Image : fotosearch.com

Well the Pool officially closed on Thursday 1st April - and I went twice that day - once at 6am for 90 mins and once at 5pm for just over an hour.

Week 10 I went 6 times - missed one day due to the pool being closed after the storm, it was also closed on the Weds morning, but I went later in the day when it reopened. Did around 55 mins each week day and just over 90 mins on the Sat and Sunday.

Week 11 - the last week of the pool being opened, I went 5 times in 4 days (as mentioned above) doing 60 mins Mon-Weds and having the mega day on the Thursday.

I am sad the pool has closed, I am really not looking forward to changing my routine as it was right for me, but I am determined to try 2 new pools to see how I go. I have an agreement to meet up with a mother and daughter that I meet at our pool at 5.30 am on the Weds after Easter at the closest heated pool - 15 mins drive from home. I am trying not to prejudge, but it is smaller, indoors and very busy.

I plan to check out the pool near work, for going on the way home rather than before work, on Monday or Tuesday - this pool offers both indoor and outdoor pools all through winter.

There is something about being outdoors that seems right for me, fresh air being the best benefit.

I also had a blood test a little over a week ago (3 monthly blood glucose thingy) and I had hoped that my exercise would have bought the levels down - the bad news is no (well .01 drop) so I feel pretty bummed by that. The good news though is that my blood pressure is the best it has been for ages 120/78 and my doctor weighed me. She last weighed me in Sept 2009 and when she weighed me Thursday I had lost 3 kgs exactly. She was really excited and encouraging. Me, felt a little - ho hum about that - I have made it foremost in my mind that I can not make this journey about weight loss - I get too disheartened when I do that - I need to loose nearly half of myself to be in my ideal weight range. My doctor would be happy if I lost 25 kgs - even that seems too huge a number to me. So, yes I am happy to lose 3kgs, but not over the moon happy. When you are large like me no-one notices 3kgs so you don't get the wow, you look thinner comments. You look in the mirror and you still see fat - because lets face it you still are fat. Still as one of my lovely sisters commented last night a kilo a month equals 12 kilos in a year. Now that I might just be able to handle.

See you at the pool - albeit a new one!!

Water Walking Wrap Up Weeks 8 & 9

The pool closes on Easter Thursday - boo. Feeling really bummed that I will have to change my routine, but determined to make this work.

Week 8 - Did 4 days as we went on our family holiday, did 60 mins each day and I have been adding more swimming now to break it up. Not a strong swimmer but can do 20 m of breast stroke and so I am throwing in around 4 of those into the routine. I so missed my walking while away, went to the beach for 1 day but it is just not the same.

Week 9 - Did 7 days of 60 mins each day. This morning there was only me at the pool which was a very different experience - there were some swimmers doing laps but I was the only one water walking and deep water running. I have started adding lunges when walking - using the noodle to help me balance as I just want to mix it up a bit so I don't get bored. I managed to do 8 lots of 20 m breast stroke and 25 mins of deep water running on the spot. I have also added in stomach crunches - well if you can call them that standing up. Basically using the noodle to keep afloat and then bringing both legs up at once to my chest. Takes some control not to drown myself but getting better at it.

See you at the pool

Water Walking Update - Week 7

This week's wrap up - 5 days (had 2 off because of other family commitments and boy did I miss my time in the pool, but loved spending time with my daughter and grand-daughter too).

Most days 45 mins to 60 mins. I am doing a lot more running on the spot in shoulder deep water now, as well as lunges when walking in the shallower water. My fitness seems to be increasing and I just love being in the water and spending time with some new friends and my 'sister'.

Who would have thought I would be writing this and still enjoying it after 7 weeks. I am so sad the pool closes at the end of the month, have signed a petition to try and keep it open but not holding out much hope of that happening, at least for this year anyway.

Water Walking Update - Week 6

Image : fotosearch.com

Just a quick update, managed to do 7 days this week and will be off to the pool again today. Most days I did nearly 60 mins in the pool and I am increasing the time I can jog on the spot in chin-deep water. Starting each day with a few laps of shallow water walking, then into the deep for the rest. Usually some chin-deep jogging on the spot first then onto the noodle to cycle and run in the deeper water. Today I also wrapped up the session with 15 mins jogging on the spot - the first time I have been able to do this long without stopping for either a drink or a rest. My knee has been a little sore today, so may cut this back to 10 mins tomorrow as I don't want to aggravate my arthritis too much.

See you in the pool.

Any Ideas?

As part of my getting fit regime I have made a concerted effort to give up Coca Cola - I love to drink it, the full strength variety, especially on a hot summer's day. I drink around 2 litres of water every day - mainly at work and only drink Coke at home or when we are out. I hate the taste of Diet Coke and Coke Zero (in fact any artificially sweetened drink and I have tried them all).

So as an alternative I have been drinking sparkling mineral water and soda water - I add ice and lemon or lime slices - but really it is just like drinking water and I am over it.

Does anyone know any way of jazzing up mineral water or soda water that does not include sugar and/or alcohol? If so, can you please share with me - I will be eternally grateful.

What Do You Think?

Anyone who has been following for a while would have read that my Water Walking is basically to get fit, if I loose weight and inches that is a bonus but I have not wanted to complicate my goal or to change my focus in case I get disappointed - if I don't lose weight.

So I have not measured myself, nor weighed myself at this point. I have a rough idea of what I weigh but not an exact figure.

This last week I feel different, I still look the same in the mirror, but I feel thinner especially around my lower chest area - just below where my bra sits.

Now when you are obese like I am, it takes a long time to see changes in the mirror, but I feel thinner all over really, but especially as I said around my lower chest.

So, do I break my rule and weigh and measure myself, or do I just keep going with my goal being to get fit?

It is quite possible that I feel thinner because my core muscles have tightened up as I am really concentrating on holding my core straight when I am in the water and maybe that is why I am getting the feeling of this area being thinner.

One part of me says to leave my goal as only getting fit, but the other part of me is really curious. I am just scared of opening Pandora's box - because when I do, the focus will change, I just know it will.

I would really value your opinions as I know a lot of you are on the same path as I am at the moment, even if you have significantly less weight to lose than I have.

Water Walking Update - Week 5

image : fotosearch.com

Still going, now wearing my bathers and not bothering about what others think, bought a new huge and very soft beach towel yesterday. Went 6 days this week, exercised for 60 mins on Sun, 50 mins on Mon, 60 mins on Tues, 50 mins on Weds, 90 mins on Thurs and Fri.

Will be going this morning and really looking forward to it. Oh and even though my focus in not loosing weight rather it is on getting fit, I actually feel like I may have lost a little weight. Mind you it could just be things are firming up and that would be great too.

Won't you join me in the pool?

Water Walking Week 4 Wrap Up

Image : fotosearch.com

Week 4 done and dusted - 5 days each day between 45min to 1 hour with a mixture of normal water walking and deep water exercise.

Thursday and Friday mornings were a struggle for me - both to get to the pool and at the pool, I have been very, very tired as my hubby has been away, plus it has been muggy and hot at night, hence I was lucky to get more than 3 hours continuous sleep each night this week. Thursday my legs were so heavy in the water, I got cramp in my toes and just had to really motivate myself. Friday was not much better and each day on leaving the pool I didn't have the "UP" I usually feel. In fact Thursday I needed a nap and Friday I left work at lunch time as I was just emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted.

But even with this, I still feel good that I went each day. It would have been easy on Friday to just not go given the way I felt the day before, but I did go because I made a commitment, and I know if I give in to excuses this early on, it will become too easy to do it again later.

I also did some research into Deep Water Exercise and came up with the following in case you have been thinking about hopping in the pool yourself.

Deep Water Exercise provides a cardiovascular workout equal to or better than comparable dry land activities, with a reduced heart rate. Due to the combined buoyancy of the water and the wet vest or belt, gravitational pull is reduced tremendously. This decreased pull is believed to the main factor in the reduced heart rate, consequently the heart does not have to work as hard to produce an excellent workout. Another reason for the decreased heart rate is increased venous return. The pressure of the water is greater on the extremities thus, more blood is available to be pumped by the heart. Emphasis is on moving at one's individual pace at a preferred level of intensity within a comfortable range of motion.

Water Walking Update - Week 3

Week 3 - 5 days - whoppee - that's 5 days of 1 hour per day, mixing up the deep water walking with the shallower water walking.

Did you see that I wrote it was 5 days - pretty proud of myself, not normally one to boast, but 5 days including one day when it was 11C with a cold easterly wind. 2010 is the year I get fit.

Oh, and I got invited to a swim date - yep, 2 of the ladies are going on Sunday morning and asked if I would like to come along - will depend on what I need to do tomorrow, but just maybe that will make it 6 days this week.

Who would have thought, certainly not me.

Water Walking Week 2 Wrap Up

Week 2 done and dusted - walked for an hour, mainly in the deep water on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I love it, I think I am addicted and already lamenting the fact our local pool closes over Winter. That means I will have to find somewhere else or just not Water Walk for 6 months.

I have had cramps in my feet a lot this week while sleeping and a few little ones threatening in my calves, but apart from that no soreness - just a sense of well-being.

Next week I am going to try going every weekday before work, may do shorter sessions on Tuesday and Thursday but at the moment my commitment to JB is M, W, F so that way I won't derail myself if for some reason I can't do the whole 5 days.

See you at the pool - I will be the one with the big smile and dressed in clothes rather than bathers - although you never know I might actually find some bathers for larger ladies that are not just sized up versions of slim ladies bathers some time in the near future.

One Small Step For Mankind (Well Me Anyway)

So I did it, water walking for 40 mins - with some small 15 sec breaks every few laps. I got over my trepidation of making a fool of myself - helped by having my 'sister' JB with me and the fact there must have been 30-40 other people there - most over 65 in all sorts of 'bathers'.

My lower back and left ankle have not liked the experience and are now letting me know it, but we will see how that goes, I might need to get an ankle brace.

I loved being in the water especially on a hot morning (30C at 6am) although that pool felt a little cold upon entering.

So I am officially a water walker for the rest of the summer at least. Thanks again to Amanda, Sofie and Madmother for your blog support and to JB for being there for me and not judging me in any way, shape or form - love you JB.