10 Years Ago

10 Years Ago today this man left us.

10 years on, we still miss him.

This man was my father in law, he was funny, loving and kind.

He was the strong influence who made my man the man he is.

It is because of him that my man worships me and loves me unconditionally. It is because of him that my man takes care of me and my family so well. For that is how this man loved his wife and family.

Tonight we remember him.

Right now his son is shedding a quiet tear because he suddenly remembered the date. It is not that he does not think of his father often, in fact he misses him even more now than when he left. But dates creep up on us sometimes and catch us by surprise. Even I who normally remember dates had forgotten.

So for my 450th post, it seems fitting that I dedicate it to you Eddie, I am sorry we almost forgot the date, but we will never, ever forget you. xxx

Heavy Hearted

Today is the first anniversary of the loss of my unborn grandson (at around 16-17 weeks gestation). My heart is heavy with the loss of my little frog prince.

I know that a lot of people, including some in my family I suppose, will not understand how I can still be mourning a grandson that I never got to meet. One that was lost so early in his development.

I suppose I wonder that myself sometimes.

But I remember the joy at the phone call from my daughter just after she had a positive pregnancy test.

I didn't know it was a a little boy until just before he left. But, just like his parents, I was already dreaming of holding him, of bonding, of loving him as much as my 2 grand-daughters.

I felt their pain when it all began to go wrong. I gave them my shoulder so they had someone strong to lean on. I cuddled my littlest grand-daughter when her parents had to go to hospital, knowing they would come home without him. I know how much it tore my daughter's heart out, I know the emptiness she still feels.

My grandchildren mean so much to me. Their unconditional love, the bond I have with both of them. There was room for one more, and so I miss him, the thought of him, the smell of him, the warmth of him.

Sweet rest my little frog prince, Grandma misses you so much and will always love you. May angels look after you forever. xxx

Today and Tomorrow and Yesterday

Today Lori buried her soulmate. Today Lori buried the father of Bump and Chop. Today her blogging friends take a moment to support her.

Tomorrow and each and every tomorrow after, Lori will be walking as a mother without the other half that has completed her.

On some Tomorrow in the future, when little Bump and Chop are older, she will have to find the words to explain where their Dad has gone.

My heart breaks at the thought of all the Tomorrows you have to come, but in some small way I hope that some of the Yesterdays will sometime in the future, bring you joy ... joy from the memories that you and Tony created, joy when you watch Bump and Chop and know that even though you can not see him, that Tony is there in the very heart of your two gorgeous children.

Hugs from Perth xxx

For Lori

A fellow blogger has just lost her soulmate and the father of their two young children, through tragic circumstances. Lori ... these words are for you, Bump and Chop ... Be strong my love, find the inner strength that mothers have. Wish there was more that I could do, but know that you and your babies are in my prayers and thoughts and if I could I would give Tony back to all of you. xxx

When he shall die

Take him and cut him out in little stars

And he will make the face of heav'n so fine

That all the world will be in love with night

William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

If every tear we shed for you became a star above;

you'd stroll in the Angel's garden, lit by everlasting love

- Author Unknown



Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love

Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness

Far too beautiful for this

Cross over to the other shore
There is peace for evermore
But hold this memory bittersweet
Until we meet

Fly, fly do not fear
Don’t waste your breath, don’t shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don’t wait for me

Above the universe you’ll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won’t forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light

Beautiful lyrics from a song by Celine Dion written after the death of her niece from Cystic Fibrosis

With Tears Of Love

As many of you would know, my daughter and her family recently suffered the loss of my grandson at around 16 weeks gestation. The loss of this little one has impacted on our family in many ways. One positive outcome, and we must always look for positives in our lives lest we get overwhelmed by the despair, is that my daughter has started a new blog called ... with tears of love.

Her dream is that this will become a place of support for other families, not just parents but the wider family as well, a place where people can come to to share their stories or just realise that they are not alone in how they feel.

Today is launch day and I know she would love if you had the time to visit.

Sentimental Sundays - A Grandfather Never Known

Aubrey John - 17.2.1896-17.11.1940

This is the only photo I have of my paternal Grandfather, taken with my aunt on his shoulders in about 1924-25.

My Grandma's second husband was my Grandpa and it was not until I was a teenager that I even knew that Grandfather Aubrey even existed.

So I know little about this Grandfather of mine. My Grandmother did not speak of him at all to me and I believe through bits and pieces that he did not treat her that well. My father was only 8 when he died and does not have a lot of memories of him either and so he is in a sense my Grandfather Never Known.

The bare facts I do know are that he was a champion amateur cyclist and a qualified electrician and he died of a melanoma that was on his back and not diagnosed until it was well and truly in his blood system.

When I started the genealogy journey through our families I visited our cemetery to find his grave in a state of disrepair with his name spelled incorrectly ... part of me feels I would love to know more about this man with the black hair and strong face, but there are some stories that are never told.

Do I Put Myself Out There

For those long term followers you may remember that I mentioned that my brother had broken contact with the family on my Mum's 70th Birthday. She turns 78 on 2nd Jan 2010.

Over the past couple of years, I have lost people that meant a lot to me. I see my Mum, stepfather and father aging. I worry how my brother will cope when they die - we know it will happen to all of us, just not when.

So my question is - should I put myself out there - risk his rejection again - to try and build a bridge that brings him back. I do not expect him to be in our lives all day, every day, but maybe he could at least be in contact occasionally and maybe talk to his parents a few times over the years.

I don't know if my heart and soul can cope with his rejection again, for while we were never close, he is my brother and so I love him - I don't have to think I about it, I just do. I dream about him and wake crying. My heart aches with the fact that if my parents die before he mends the rift that he will have to suffer with that.

I worry about him which is why I am thinking about picking up the phone, or just turning up at his house one day. I just don't know if I am strong enough if he says no. But will I at least feel I tried rather than never knowing.

I don't know that there is a simple answer to this question. Should I try or should I just let him go? Is it worth hurting myself to try and help him and my parents? Maybe he really doesn't care and when they die it won't effect him - but what if it does and I did nothing?

Anzac Day - A Time To Remember

I know Anzac Day is a week away, but I was compelled to write and post this today.

From the poem For My Solider Son by Sandra Randall ©2007 (www.authorsden.com)

I am very sad today its time to say goodbye
To my Darling boy and I sit and cry
Why does there have to be war
Why oh why oh why

Hard to think of all those gone
All those left to die
Our Diggers in the trenches
Diggin in the dirt
Never mind if they’ve been shot
Or any of them hurt …

They just keep on going,
Blood, sweat and tears,
Our Soldiers bound together
For many many years

With Anzac Day approaching my thoughts often turn to how hard it must be to send your son or daughter go off to war. No matter how much you believed that they were going to fight to keep your country free, to know they may never return, I just don’t know how you do it. While it is hard to lose any member of your family to bury your child no matter what age must be the hardest thing of all.

During my years of researching my family tree (including my husbands) I have found many surprises, I have also found hardship and sorrow and the saddest, the one that touched my heart the most, was the story of my husband’s great grandmother Christina. Here is a small bit of her story. May none of us ever find ourselves in her shoes.

Her name was Christina Le Nepveu and she married Philip Richard Cornish in Vic in 1894, they had 5 children – 3 daughters and 2 sons. Her husband died in 1903 and she married Charles Allison Shaddock in 1906 and had 4 more sons, one who is my husbands grandfather Edward Louis.

Christina lost 2 of her sons in World War I. Imagine her heartbreak when 5 letters she had sent to her 18-year-old son were returned with the chilling word KILLED pencilled on them. She had no notification of his death and it took her months to have it confirmed. Then to have her other son wounded in France, paralysed but being sent home only to find out that he died at sea while being repatriated.

And so she buried two sons, collected their medals and somehow went on with her life. I am just thankful that she was not alive to see another of her sons go off to war in World War II and come back a broken man who eventually suicided because it was too much to bear.

To all the men and women who have died for us and to those who have survived but at what cost – I thank you for your sacrifice. To all the mothers still with us and those that are gone, my heart bleeds for your sacrifice. It still brings me to tears.


RIP our Anzac Family
Pte Philip John Cornish (1895-1917) Service No 76 22nd Battalion AIF. Died 29th March 1917. Awarded 1914/15 Star, the British War Medal and the Victory Medal. Memorialised at Villers Bretonneux- France. On the Roll of Honour Australian War Memorial Canberra.

From his war records the following in despatches: “For consistent gallant conduct and devotion to duty as Stretcher-Bearer during the operations at Fleubaix, Armentieres and on the Somme. He has answered the call without hesitation and regardless of heavy fire, setting a fine example of devotion to duty and self sacrifice for the sake of his wounded comrades.”

It was while returning to the front after having taken another wounded solider back for help that Philip was shot in the back and paralysed on the 27th July 1916. He was shipped back to England and was being sent back to Australia where he died at sea from kidney failure as a result of his injuries.

Pte James Dudley Cornish (1897-1915) Service No 2133A Unit 6th Battalion AIF, died 7th August 1915, killed in action. Awarded 1914/15 Star, the British War Medal and the Victory Medal. Memorialised at Lone Pine Memorial Gallipoli. On the Roll of Honour at the Australian War Memorial Canberra.

He was not officially listed as KIA until 7th March 1916 after a board of enquiry.

Board of Enquiry Statement
“Witness knew JD Cornish intimately, and confirms that statement that he had joined the Unit from reinforcements. He was in A Coy. He was killed in a charge early in August and witness was as close as possible to him when he fell. They had gone into action side by side. Witness undid his equipment but there was nothing to be done, as he had been killed outright. He was not buried for as he had fallen between the two firing lines his body had to be left there. “

And Christina’s letter to the Dept of Defence – one of many before she had her answer.

Dear Sir In answer to your telegram this morning, I am enclosing one envelope returned to me. I sent one to my daughter in town and gave 2 to a lady going to town yesterday she was going to make enquiries for me. This envelope was the last one I wrote to my dear boy the day they went on the boat. They landed in Egypt on 17 July and the last letter he wrote to me was dated 26th July he said then they did not know when they would be going to the front and that was the last I heard of him till I received these letters – each of them returned and marked killed on every one. Just the same as this one which was a great shock to us all and I will be glad to receive some news as soon as possible. Dated 26 January 1916.

Pte Edward Louis Shaddock (1910=1959) Service No VX35427. 2/6 Battalion AIF. Served in Middle East April 1941-May 1942, New Guinea October 1942 to September 1945 Awarded 1939/45 star, the Pacific Star, the Defence Medal, the War Medal, and the Australian Service Medal.

May we all take a moment this Anzac Day to remember those that sacrificed so much for our freedom. Not just those that served at the front in all our Wars, but also those that stayed at home and waited never knowing what would come. To those that sacrificed through rationing in the first 2 Wars and to those that came home from the Vietnam War with no recognition and little reward. I personally will never forget your sacrifices and continue to give thanks in my own way each and every Anzac Day.