I admit I am overweight and unfit and if I am really truthful I am obese. But I did not get here by overeating day in day out. I don't believe I am alone in this. But I am sick and tired of jokes about fat people and what they eat. I am particularly tired of hearing it on my way to work every second morning on 94.5 (in Perth). I have been a listener of Botica's Bunch for probably 15 years or more - well since he first started on Perth radio really so it may be even longer. But recently the amount of fat people jokes told by one of the Bunch - Captain Paul - and then commented on and made worse by the rest of the Bunch made me turn off the radio. How dare they in their ivory tower judge me. They don't know my story. They don't know what got me here, but guess what, I have chosen not to listen any more. I am just one listener and they don't even know I am gone - but I am. I am not moving to another radio station as their morning shows are all really bad but I have a 6-stacker CD player in my car and lots of CDs to play. So goodbye Botica's Bunch have a great time in what must be your perfect slim lives.
And to the rest of the world who looks at overweight people and thinks they know their stories - well I bet you are not even close. Shows like Biggest Loser don't help - as all the people on there are overeaters - stories on things like Today Tonight are the same - someone loses a lot of weight and they show how much food that particular person eats in a day and so the public's perception is that every overweight or obese person must do that.
Sure some people overeat, some just because they love food, some because they use food for comfort and some because they can. But there are a lot of people like me, I eat what my husband eats and he is not overweight. You go figure. I'm not saying I don't occasionally enjoy chocolate (it is after all the best thing in the world) and other things like potato chips or cheezels but I deliberately don't have them in the house so when I do want them I have to make an effort and it is a conscious choice. Oh and for the record my boss' wife eats a family block of chocolate a night, pretty much every night of the week and she is a size 6.
I used to be a size 10-12 then I had babies and went on the pill for 5 months - that was all and no doctor has been able to tell me why that has made my weight increase, but it has.
So if you are thin and you see an overweight person eating an icecream don't shake your head and think to yourself - I know why they are overweight - it may be the only icecream they have had in a year.
And if you too are sick of being the butt of the jokes - just turn off the radio like I have.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Tradegy and Thankfulness
Last night my hubby and I went to my boss' house for a get together to celebrate the engagement of his daughter. My boss is nearly 60 but a very free spirit who I think wants to be Peter Pan - he really doesn't act his age, but then why should he.
In past years he has had gatherings like this and my hubby as been asked to drum - either with his band (3 different ones over the years) or to jam with some like minded musos and a few extras who pop up to sing or play along.
One of the women that we have met and known for probably 8 years or so comes to about every second or third gathering (they most are yearly in nature). She has always been 'different' - sometimes scarily so (for me anyway as I tend to walk the straight and narrow).
Seven years ago she had a little boy and this has always worried me as his mother is somewhat unstable. I have seen her smoking pot at midnight while her 18 month year old son wandered about in a dirty nappy and nothing else and it seemed I (and my hubby) were the only ones worried about this. I got so uncomfortable that we ended up leaving (oh and this was not at my boss' house but another workmates 40th).
I think we saw her again when her son was about 3, then at 5 and now at 7. In this time she has had numerous men, who this little boy calls Dad - and doesn't that break my heart. All of these men have been drop-kicks and no I am not being judgemental (well maybe a little) but honestly they are drop-kicks.
The one before the one we met last night came to a party and was obviously as high as a kite - they both proceed to get drunk and even more stoned and made absolute fools of themselves, and all the while this little boy looked on.
Last night she arrived with her new man and they both were high - and this time from something a lot stronger and more chemical than pot - and along in their wake trails this little boy.
Now this was my boss and his partners time to show their future son in law (a young man from America) who their friends where - most of us are 'middle aged' people with full time jobs and mortgages and children of various ages. All of us work and while some of us like a drink and if I am honest a few may share a joint (I know that shows my age) somewhere out the back - the majority of us just come along for a good time - to dance and talk and listen to music (some good, some not so good but still celebrated).
Last night this woman in her delusional state decided she would sing except she couldn't remember any words and so she did what could best be described as tribal grunts, Indian hollers and some sort of manic crooning while beating out of time on a bongo, or stealing someone else's guitar and strumming to the song in her head.
This went on for about 3 songs with all the people there getting more and more uncomfortable until finally she wandered off, nearly tripping in the pool as she went. An almost audible sigh of relief was heard, but wait, here comes her equally obnoxious partner to sing Eagle Rock - except oh of course - he can't remember the words either because some chemical has his brain so wired the wrong way he ends mumbling words of some description into the mike. The poor band members just keep smiling and playing because after all they are here for my boss and are his friends.
And it just keeps getting worse because she comes back and starts french kissing him mid song then they both start singing Eagle Rock again, but by this time we are onto Roadhouse Blues which neither of them seems to notice.
By this time the band is over it, the audience is over it and my boss - 'he of the excellent musical taste' goes and turns them up because he is having so much fun OMG. (the comment in italics is sarcasm just in case you didn't get it).
Eventually people start making moves to leave, they just can not stand another second so my boss decides to have the toast to the engaged couple as he can see the writing on the wall, and she decides to join them at the microphone and crys and laughs hysterically and throws herself around in some sort of maniacal love dance, while the rest of us politely try not to stare and feel uncomfortable.
Then the pair of them have the barney of all barneys while people scramble to leave and not look like they are abandoning a sinking ship.
And all the while this little boy looks on.
My boss' wife manages to get one to go out front and other out back and we think he has left - watch out other drivers. And then a little boy comes out and says "my Dad took our car and now Mum can't take me home". Oh sweet prince he is not your father and what a shame whoever your father is, that he is not in your life, he surely can't be worse than this.
During the evening I have voiced my concern to my boss' wife and she tells me the last man committed suicide which pushed this lady back to hard drugs. But it is okay she tells me because his grandma lives a block away and looks after him much of the time.
Oh you poor little soul, how I just want to snatch you away and bring you home to a house where love is shown, and food is on your table, and clean clothes are waiting for you. Where you don't' have to see your mother spiral out of control with no regard to you at all. You are what she says keeps her alive, but at what cost to your life and to your soul. And why has your supposedly loving grandmother not taken you permanently, how can she let you get in a car with two people on some sort of heroin trip and know that you have to go home to them and wake up to what - do you have to get yourself breakfast, do you have to give yourself a bath. How can you still smile, how can you still have your innocence. How my heart bleeds for you, how my brain struggles with the wrongness of this situation.
I am so thankful that my children had not travelled this path, I am not naive enough to think some of them have not tried drugs or gotten themselves too drunk but I know in my heart of hearts, they would never do this if they had a child that needed them, that looked to them for their moral guidance.
So please pray for this little boy and his mother - may she wake up to what she is doing not only to herself but to her child. I fear if she does not do this soon she will not be with us for much longer and while some may say 'so be it' - the death of even the worst mother is a burden this little boy's heart does not need to bear.
In past years he has had gatherings like this and my hubby as been asked to drum - either with his band (3 different ones over the years) or to jam with some like minded musos and a few extras who pop up to sing or play along.
One of the women that we have met and known for probably 8 years or so comes to about every second or third gathering (they most are yearly in nature). She has always been 'different' - sometimes scarily so (for me anyway as I tend to walk the straight and narrow).
Seven years ago she had a little boy and this has always worried me as his mother is somewhat unstable. I have seen her smoking pot at midnight while her 18 month year old son wandered about in a dirty nappy and nothing else and it seemed I (and my hubby) were the only ones worried about this. I got so uncomfortable that we ended up leaving (oh and this was not at my boss' house but another workmates 40th).
I think we saw her again when her son was about 3, then at 5 and now at 7. In this time she has had numerous men, who this little boy calls Dad - and doesn't that break my heart. All of these men have been drop-kicks and no I am not being judgemental (well maybe a little) but honestly they are drop-kicks.
The one before the one we met last night came to a party and was obviously as high as a kite - they both proceed to get drunk and even more stoned and made absolute fools of themselves, and all the while this little boy looked on.
Last night she arrived with her new man and they both were high - and this time from something a lot stronger and more chemical than pot - and along in their wake trails this little boy.
Now this was my boss and his partners time to show their future son in law (a young man from America) who their friends where - most of us are 'middle aged' people with full time jobs and mortgages and children of various ages. All of us work and while some of us like a drink and if I am honest a few may share a joint (I know that shows my age) somewhere out the back - the majority of us just come along for a good time - to dance and talk and listen to music (some good, some not so good but still celebrated).
Last night this woman in her delusional state decided she would sing except she couldn't remember any words and so she did what could best be described as tribal grunts, Indian hollers and some sort of manic crooning while beating out of time on a bongo, or stealing someone else's guitar and strumming to the song in her head.
This went on for about 3 songs with all the people there getting more and more uncomfortable until finally she wandered off, nearly tripping in the pool as she went. An almost audible sigh of relief was heard, but wait, here comes her equally obnoxious partner to sing Eagle Rock - except oh of course - he can't remember the words either because some chemical has his brain so wired the wrong way he ends mumbling words of some description into the mike. The poor band members just keep smiling and playing because after all they are here for my boss and are his friends.
And it just keeps getting worse because she comes back and starts french kissing him mid song then they both start singing Eagle Rock again, but by this time we are onto Roadhouse Blues which neither of them seems to notice.
By this time the band is over it, the audience is over it and my boss - 'he of the excellent musical taste' goes and turns them up because he is having so much fun OMG. (the comment in italics is sarcasm just in case you didn't get it).
Eventually people start making moves to leave, they just can not stand another second so my boss decides to have the toast to the engaged couple as he can see the writing on the wall, and she decides to join them at the microphone and crys and laughs hysterically and throws herself around in some sort of maniacal love dance, while the rest of us politely try not to stare and feel uncomfortable.
Then the pair of them have the barney of all barneys while people scramble to leave and not look like they are abandoning a sinking ship.
And all the while this little boy looks on.
My boss' wife manages to get one to go out front and other out back and we think he has left - watch out other drivers. And then a little boy comes out and says "my Dad took our car and now Mum can't take me home". Oh sweet prince he is not your father and what a shame whoever your father is, that he is not in your life, he surely can't be worse than this.
During the evening I have voiced my concern to my boss' wife and she tells me the last man committed suicide which pushed this lady back to hard drugs. But it is okay she tells me because his grandma lives a block away and looks after him much of the time.
Oh you poor little soul, how I just want to snatch you away and bring you home to a house where love is shown, and food is on your table, and clean clothes are waiting for you. Where you don't' have to see your mother spiral out of control with no regard to you at all. You are what she says keeps her alive, but at what cost to your life and to your soul. And why has your supposedly loving grandmother not taken you permanently, how can she let you get in a car with two people on some sort of heroin trip and know that you have to go home to them and wake up to what - do you have to get yourself breakfast, do you have to give yourself a bath. How can you still smile, how can you still have your innocence. How my heart bleeds for you, how my brain struggles with the wrongness of this situation.
I am so thankful that my children had not travelled this path, I am not naive enough to think some of them have not tried drugs or gotten themselves too drunk but I know in my heart of hearts, they would never do this if they had a child that needed them, that looked to them for their moral guidance.
So please pray for this little boy and his mother - may she wake up to what she is doing not only to herself but to her child. I fear if she does not do this soon she will not be with us for much longer and while some may say 'so be it' - the death of even the worst mother is a burden this little boy's heart does not need to bear.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
You Just Can't Help Smiling
You just can't help smiling and feeling your heart burst with love when a little munchkin is waiting to greet you at the door, banging her hands on the wire screen and yelling in baby talk at the top of her voice, then waving madly as you get closer. When you open the door the munchkin runs around in circles before running at you with her hands in the air and saying Up (well trying to anyway) so you can give her a cuddle.
You just can't help feeling your heart burst with love when the chicken, who is almost all grown up (well she is taller than me and I'm 5' 7") snuggles up to you at the movies and doesn't care who sees, just because she loves having cuddles with her Grandma.
You can't help feeling special when the munchkin pops her little hand in yours and leads you around the backyard or to her bedroom to share something special.
You can't help feeling special when the chicken grabs hold of your hand when you are walking through the shopping centre together - just because she can.
You can't help feeling very loved when a grandchild rings you pretty much every night just because she wants to share her news and our own special "how much do I love you" message.
While the love you have and receive from your own children is very very special and if you are as lucky as me causes you great joy. Then the love you have and receive from your grandchildren transcends even words.
Having been blessed once with the birth of my first grandchild and then to very nearly lose her in a car accident just before her 5th birthday - has made me count my blessings for not only having her as part of my life but that she is alive and a big part of my life.
Then early in 2008 being blessed again with the birth of my second grandchild when I had convinced myself that I was only every going to be blessed with one blew me away.
They are such a beautiful part of my life and how happy I am now to have them both in the same State - even though there is 11 1/2 years difference between them this has given me time to appreciate and love them both in their own right. To my munchkin and chicken - I love you to the moon and back, and the stars and back and way out into the universe and back.
You just can't help feeling your heart burst with love when the chicken, who is almost all grown up (well she is taller than me and I'm 5' 7") snuggles up to you at the movies and doesn't care who sees, just because she loves having cuddles with her Grandma.
You can't help feeling special when the munchkin pops her little hand in yours and leads you around the backyard or to her bedroom to share something special.
You can't help feeling special when the chicken grabs hold of your hand when you are walking through the shopping centre together - just because she can.
You can't help feeling very loved when a grandchild rings you pretty much every night just because she wants to share her news and our own special "how much do I love you" message.
While the love you have and receive from your own children is very very special and if you are as lucky as me causes you great joy. Then the love you have and receive from your grandchildren transcends even words.
Having been blessed once with the birth of my first grandchild and then to very nearly lose her in a car accident just before her 5th birthday - has made me count my blessings for not only having her as part of my life but that she is alive and a big part of my life.
Then early in 2008 being blessed again with the birth of my second grandchild when I had convinced myself that I was only every going to be blessed with one blew me away.
They are such a beautiful part of my life and how happy I am now to have them both in the same State - even though there is 11 1/2 years difference between them this has given me time to appreciate and love them both in their own right. To my munchkin and chicken - I love you to the moon and back, and the stars and back and way out into the universe and back.
Apologies to Dr Suess
I don't like black ants at all
I don't like them in my hall
I don't like them in my sink
I don't like them near my drink
I don't like them on the bench
Even if they may be French (you try and rhyme with bench)
I don't want to be their friend
They are sending me 'round the bend
I don't want to have to do the dishes
But then that fulfills their wishes
I don't like black ants at all
I don't like them crawling up the wall
The cat doesn't like them in his dinner
It just makes him get thinner
Now they're on the toilet floor
I just want them out the door
I don't like them, no I don't
I want them gone, but they won't
They won't even eat the bait
Can't they go outside near the gate
I don't like them in my house
They're even worse than that mouse
I just want them dead, dead, dead
Oh they are doing in my head
This poem dedicated to the hundreds of tiny black ants I drowned this morning, no kidding, we had bacon and eggs for breakfast, left the tongs on the bench for no more than 15-20 mins while we did some other chores. Went back to do the dishes to discover more ants than I've ever seen. I really hate having to jump up and do the dishes as soon as we have eaten, but if we don't in they come in their hundreds - aarrgghh!!!
I don't like them in my hall
I don't like them in my sink
I don't like them near my drink
I don't like them on the bench
Even if they may be French (you try and rhyme with bench)
I don't want to be their friend
They are sending me 'round the bend
I don't want to have to do the dishes
But then that fulfills their wishes
I don't like black ants at all
I don't like them crawling up the wall
The cat doesn't like them in his dinner
It just makes him get thinner
Now they're on the toilet floor
I just want them out the door
I don't like them, no I don't
I want them gone, but they won't
They won't even eat the bait
Can't they go outside near the gate
I don't like them in my house
They're even worse than that mouse
I just want them dead, dead, dead
Oh they are doing in my head
This poem dedicated to the hundreds of tiny black ants I drowned this morning, no kidding, we had bacon and eggs for breakfast, left the tongs on the bench for no more than 15-20 mins while we did some other chores. Went back to do the dishes to discover more ants than I've ever seen. I really hate having to jump up and do the dishes as soon as we have eaten, but if we don't in they come in their hundreds - aarrgghh!!!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Childhood Memories Of A Different Kind
I was talking to my youngest daughter last night and she told me she really enjoyed my 'childhood memories' blogs as these were things that maybe I didn't have time to tell my kids when they were younger. Well that got me thinking about the things I remember and enjoyed doing with my kids - so these memories are not from when I was young but when they where (and when I say You, I don't mean just my youngest daughter this is an all encompassing you it covers all 4 of you). They are not all by any means but the ones that popped into my head tonight.
Giving birth to each of you - each so different and yet all so special, how blessed I have been to have been given you as my children.
Opening birthday presents - back when you didn't know what you were getting and especially when you were really young and sometimes the paper and the packaging were more fun than the toy itself.
Christmas mornings - the joy on your faces when you opened your Santa presents - how often did we end up with if not one of you, all of you and Dad with brand new undies on your heads.
Reading stories to you when you were young, changing the tone of my voice and creating character voices so you would come to love books just as much as I do. All of you snuggled around me on the lounge and someones just one of you and going on a special journey just made for two.
Getting down on the floor and playing with you, being at your level and involved with your games on your terms.
The lego houses and farms we all used to build together.
Helping you build cubbies out of blankets and sheets around the big tree in the back yard.
Laughing with you when you told really bad jokes, but they were funny because you thought they were - "and he was still reading the newspaper" - haven't we all laughed again at that joke recently.
Making chocolate crackles - although we didn't do it often and I must admit I probably didn't do anywhere near enough cooking with you as children.
Driving back from Gracetown and singing the "Silly Old Moo" song - boy that song went on for about an hour.
Watching you all perform - how many times did you all put on plays for us.
The newspaper you all put together one day when I was at work and you were at home minding yourselves. How lucky I was that you were all such good kids - although I am sure there are things I don't know about! Still have that newspaper here somewhere.
Watching you grow from infants to toddlers, to children then teenagers and now adults. Each of you so very different and yet so alike - all of you even with your different personalities are there for each other and Dad and I when the going gets tough.
I love you all so much that sometimes my heart hurts. xxx
Giving birth to each of you - each so different and yet all so special, how blessed I have been to have been given you as my children.
Opening birthday presents - back when you didn't know what you were getting and especially when you were really young and sometimes the paper and the packaging were more fun than the toy itself.
Christmas mornings - the joy on your faces when you opened your Santa presents - how often did we end up with if not one of you, all of you and Dad with brand new undies on your heads.
Reading stories to you when you were young, changing the tone of my voice and creating character voices so you would come to love books just as much as I do. All of you snuggled around me on the lounge and someones just one of you and going on a special journey just made for two.
Getting down on the floor and playing with you, being at your level and involved with your games on your terms.
The lego houses and farms we all used to build together.
Helping you build cubbies out of blankets and sheets around the big tree in the back yard.
Laughing with you when you told really bad jokes, but they were funny because you thought they were - "and he was still reading the newspaper" - haven't we all laughed again at that joke recently.
Making chocolate crackles - although we didn't do it often and I must admit I probably didn't do anywhere near enough cooking with you as children.
Driving back from Gracetown and singing the "Silly Old Moo" song - boy that song went on for about an hour.
Watching you all perform - how many times did you all put on plays for us.
The newspaper you all put together one day when I was at work and you were at home minding yourselves. How lucky I was that you were all such good kids - although I am sure there are things I don't know about! Still have that newspaper here somewhere.
Watching you grow from infants to toddlers, to children then teenagers and now adults. Each of you so very different and yet so alike - all of you even with your different personalities are there for each other and Dad and I when the going gets tough.
I love you all so much that sometimes my heart hurts. xxx
Lessons To Be Learned and How They Come Back Until You Do
Today I went to visit Simon for another session. He thought it timely to review how I was now compared to how I was when I first went to see him. The things he asked me on the first visit were about how I was feeling emotionally and physically (pain, fatigue and others) and most I answered with things like crap, more crap and crappier still. You get the picture.
Today I answered with - much less pain, more emotionally balanced, less fatigued although still struggling to sleep the whole night through and the like, so overall a much more positive outlook.
Between the weekly deep tissue massage (sometimes not pleasant but oh so beneficial) and the fortnightly kinesiology I feel I am moving forward towards healing myself. I have not yet taken the stronger painkillers prescribed by my doctor, or the new anti-inflammatories - I still have the scripts in the cupboard but have not in any way felt the need to fill them.
I am not saying I am running and jumping, but I am now coping a lot better, feeling much more positive about where I am headed and finally feel that I am taking steps to control what is happening in my life rather than drowning.
However, there is a constant that comes up in each session that Simon and I have together and it deals with how negatively I look at myself and how some of this comes from way back, even almost before I would have thought I had conscious thought - I certainly have no real memories of any of this but it seems there ways I learned to deal with my life and these lessons still control much of what I do today.
As a mother of adult children, I now wonder if I have put my own children in situations where they may have learnt lessons that instead of empowering them, may have taught them to deal with situations in a way that ultimately may hurt them. Never my intent, but then I doubt my parents would have ever done anything to intentionally hurt me, its just sometimes it happens that way.
But a lesson that keeps coming back for me is learning to respect myself, learning to acknowledge that I am good enough, learning that my boundaries need to be respected by those I love as much as I suppose I try to respect theirs (not always sure I do a good job there but will certainly be more conscious of it now) and that how fear (all sorts of different types of fear) controls my life.
So if you have a situation (lesson) that keeps coming back into your life time and time again (possibly different scenarios but ultimately the same) then maybe life is trying to tell you to look at yourself, understand yourself, possibly admit you are at fault/or need to change and I bet it won't come back to bother you again. As I have said to my children and others many times - if you find the same thing happening time and time again - maybe it is time to look at yourself as you are the only constant.
It will take time and I am sure some of these situations will come back again, as I doubt that any of us, especially me, find it easy to just give up old habits, but today I felt as if I left a big one behind in Simon's room. Lets hope it is not there to frighten someone else.
Today I answered with - much less pain, more emotionally balanced, less fatigued although still struggling to sleep the whole night through and the like, so overall a much more positive outlook.
Between the weekly deep tissue massage (sometimes not pleasant but oh so beneficial) and the fortnightly kinesiology I feel I am moving forward towards healing myself. I have not yet taken the stronger painkillers prescribed by my doctor, or the new anti-inflammatories - I still have the scripts in the cupboard but have not in any way felt the need to fill them.
I am not saying I am running and jumping, but I am now coping a lot better, feeling much more positive about where I am headed and finally feel that I am taking steps to control what is happening in my life rather than drowning.
However, there is a constant that comes up in each session that Simon and I have together and it deals with how negatively I look at myself and how some of this comes from way back, even almost before I would have thought I had conscious thought - I certainly have no real memories of any of this but it seems there ways I learned to deal with my life and these lessons still control much of what I do today.
As a mother of adult children, I now wonder if I have put my own children in situations where they may have learnt lessons that instead of empowering them, may have taught them to deal with situations in a way that ultimately may hurt them. Never my intent, but then I doubt my parents would have ever done anything to intentionally hurt me, its just sometimes it happens that way.
But a lesson that keeps coming back for me is learning to respect myself, learning to acknowledge that I am good enough, learning that my boundaries need to be respected by those I love as much as I suppose I try to respect theirs (not always sure I do a good job there but will certainly be more conscious of it now) and that how fear (all sorts of different types of fear) controls my life.
So if you have a situation (lesson) that keeps coming back into your life time and time again (possibly different scenarios but ultimately the same) then maybe life is trying to tell you to look at yourself, understand yourself, possibly admit you are at fault/or need to change and I bet it won't come back to bother you again. As I have said to my children and others many times - if you find the same thing happening time and time again - maybe it is time to look at yourself as you are the only constant.
It will take time and I am sure some of these situations will come back again, as I doubt that any of us, especially me, find it easy to just give up old habits, but today I felt as if I left a big one behind in Simon's room. Lets hope it is not there to frighten someone else.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Hot, Hot, Hot Then Not, Not, Not (Or Hot Flushes Here We Come)
One day last week I thought I was coming down with something as I had all the symptoms of a fever - hot clammy body, then cold clammy chills, then hot clammy body all with aching bones and muscles - by about 3.30 I thought I'm going home because obviously I am coming down with something. The symptoms lasted all night. Next morning woke up fine and dandy. Strange I thought.
Then this week a similar thing happened and I was talking to one of my "sisters" who is younger than me and is already going through menopause as she said - yep - that's menopause for you. However her symptoms are slightly different in that she get hot from the heart region up her neck until her face is red and she can on some days have up to 20 off these a day - some of the hot flushes are followed by goose bumps and chills and some are not.
Mine seem to be my whole body gets hots all at once, there is no rising heat - it is just suddenly something flicks a switch and I am hot and I get a fine sweat over my whole body - such a good look (not) - I probably get red in the face as well but no one has commented yet.
My hot flushes can also last up to 30 minutes and the minimum seems to be about 3 or 4 minutes. I get the chills too - although not all the time but when I get those I am soo cold my bones ache. Then the night flushes are interesting - I once read you can soak the sheets in sweat - something to look forward too!! I on the other hand just wake up hot and have to kick of the sheets and whatever else is on top of me and lay there uncovered for ages before I cool off again. Usually while I am waiting I go back to sleep and consequently wake up freezing and have to drag the covers back on again. All this hot and cold is not doing wonders for my DISH and I have woken up this morning with my back and shoulders so tight I can hardly move - so stretching exercises are a must this morning.
If you look up and read the symptoms of menopause there are pages and pages and pages of lists. So I have stopped reading - not because I don't want to know, of course I do - forearmed is forewarned - but I don't want to depress myself with what may come when the reality of menopause is that it is so different for every woman.
So if you have someone in your life who is menopausal or peri menopausal be as supportive as you can - it is a roller coaster of emotions that you are sometimes not in control of and somethings just like PMT you don't even know it is happening until it stops.
Then this week a similar thing happened and I was talking to one of my "sisters" who is younger than me and is already going through menopause as she said - yep - that's menopause for you. However her symptoms are slightly different in that she get hot from the heart region up her neck until her face is red and she can on some days have up to 20 off these a day - some of the hot flushes are followed by goose bumps and chills and some are not.
Mine seem to be my whole body gets hots all at once, there is no rising heat - it is just suddenly something flicks a switch and I am hot and I get a fine sweat over my whole body - such a good look (not) - I probably get red in the face as well but no one has commented yet.
My hot flushes can also last up to 30 minutes and the minimum seems to be about 3 or 4 minutes. I get the chills too - although not all the time but when I get those I am soo cold my bones ache. Then the night flushes are interesting - I once read you can soak the sheets in sweat - something to look forward too!! I on the other hand just wake up hot and have to kick of the sheets and whatever else is on top of me and lay there uncovered for ages before I cool off again. Usually while I am waiting I go back to sleep and consequently wake up freezing and have to drag the covers back on again. All this hot and cold is not doing wonders for my DISH and I have woken up this morning with my back and shoulders so tight I can hardly move - so stretching exercises are a must this morning.
If you look up and read the symptoms of menopause there are pages and pages and pages of lists. So I have stopped reading - not because I don't want to know, of course I do - forearmed is forewarned - but I don't want to depress myself with what may come when the reality of menopause is that it is so different for every woman.
So if you have someone in your life who is menopausal or peri menopausal be as supportive as you can - it is a roller coaster of emotions that you are sometimes not in control of and somethings just like PMT you don't even know it is happening until it stops.
Monday, March 16, 2009
If You Leave It Behind They Will Come & Other Bug Related Stories
Bloody little black ants that is, invading my kitchen all day every day for months now. Doesn't matter how much my hubby and I wipe down the benches, make sure we do the dishes after every meal, put water in our glasses in between dish washing events, scrub out the sink itself - somehow we leave some minute something behind and lo and behold they find it, hundreds of them streaming to that little something doesn't matter if it is on the bench or in the sink they even try eating the sink plug. They even eat the cat food so we bought an ant defeating bowl for Jarmie that has a water trough around it, they just wait until he knock a piece of dry food into the trough and they build a bridge.
Not to talk about those horrible black wood cockroaches that somehow keep appearing in my bathroom, hiding in the shower curtain until I am in the shower and then showing their ugly prehistoric faces, peering at me with their little eyes while I jump out naked and run and get the fly spray. The other morning I sprayed one twice and it kept following me, running towards me with it's feelers flapping in the breeze - it couldn't see me because it was white with fly spray residue and would it die - no. I hate them so much I couldn't pick it up while it was flopping around on the floor, so I left it till I came home from work 9 hours later and it was still wriggling it's legs - OMG I can see how they can survive a nuclear bomb.
Then there are those yukky earwigs which only seem to appear in these hot humid summer months and love to live in my toilet and bathroom just waiting for you to stumble in there half asleep to go to the toilet with your feet bare so they can nip you. If you turn the light on they either run towards you or skulk away under the tiles - where are they the rest of the year, hiding in my cupboards or in the drains? Why do they only appear at night?
Then there are the bees that live in our wall - think this is the 4th or 5th swarm - even the pest control people haven't been able to kill them - we almost win sometimes when a swarm leaves and then lo and behold another comes to visit. We even had 2 swarms trying to get in at the same time. And when we blocked the vents, they ate through the mortar near our windows - persistent buggers aren't they. Maybe a tap in the wall will give us some honey? On a hot summer night you can hear them flapping their wings to cool the hive - the wall sounds like it is vibrating.
Now I admit I am a clutter bug but the house gets cleaned on a regular basis and the bins emptied and the dishes done but these little tiny insects obviously love us - it's just I can't bring myself to love them back.
Not to talk about those horrible black wood cockroaches that somehow keep appearing in my bathroom, hiding in the shower curtain until I am in the shower and then showing their ugly prehistoric faces, peering at me with their little eyes while I jump out naked and run and get the fly spray. The other morning I sprayed one twice and it kept following me, running towards me with it's feelers flapping in the breeze - it couldn't see me because it was white with fly spray residue and would it die - no. I hate them so much I couldn't pick it up while it was flopping around on the floor, so I left it till I came home from work 9 hours later and it was still wriggling it's legs - OMG I can see how they can survive a nuclear bomb.
Then there are those yukky earwigs which only seem to appear in these hot humid summer months and love to live in my toilet and bathroom just waiting for you to stumble in there half asleep to go to the toilet with your feet bare so they can nip you. If you turn the light on they either run towards you or skulk away under the tiles - where are they the rest of the year, hiding in my cupboards or in the drains? Why do they only appear at night?
Then there are the bees that live in our wall - think this is the 4th or 5th swarm - even the pest control people haven't been able to kill them - we almost win sometimes when a swarm leaves and then lo and behold another comes to visit. We even had 2 swarms trying to get in at the same time. And when we blocked the vents, they ate through the mortar near our windows - persistent buggers aren't they. Maybe a tap in the wall will give us some honey? On a hot summer night you can hear them flapping their wings to cool the hive - the wall sounds like it is vibrating.
Now I admit I am a clutter bug but the house gets cleaned on a regular basis and the bins emptied and the dishes done but these little tiny insects obviously love us - it's just I can't bring myself to love them back.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Stroke Me Stroke Me - Well How About You Stroke Yourself
I had originally started another post last night about how fed up I am of working with some "What About Me" people, then on the way back from my daughter's house this morning heard the Stroke Me, Stroke Me song on the radio and suddenly this seemed a better title and a better post so I deleted what I had written and here is the new and hopefully improved version.
In my workplace there are two major "Stroke Me, Stroke Me" personalities and they both have different behaviours they exhibit to achieve their goal of being stroked. Now these behaviours are not always positive and in most instances are negative. One particular person also doesn't mind if the stroking they receive is actually slapping instead - they just need the attention.
Now I suppose all of us need a certain amount of stroking in our lives, we are after all human beings and all of us if we are honest have an ego, however I would hope that I get enough stroking in my relationship and that I stroke back and that I even have the ability to self stroke. And this has nothing to do with physical touching, but that I have a healthy relationship with a partner who considers my needs and who I hope feels that I consider his. I am beginning to think that I am extremely lucky. It also doesn't mean there aren't times when I feel negative about myself - hell there are lots of those times as I am sure you would work out from my posts but I also know how to appreciate myself and what I do. I don't always need someone to tell what a good job I have done - would be great it they did, but it is not the intent of my working day eg to have people gush over me with praise - no I go to work, to do my work and I love my work and am proud of myself when I do a good job.
Now as I have admitted before I rescue people, and that includes giving into to their stroking demands, partly because I do understand that not everyone has a relationship that delivers this for them and not everyone is good a self stroking. But there comes a time when enough is enough, this past week was that time and to be truthful it has been a long time coming.
But when I have a week when both my boss and one of my co-workers have huge "What About Me I Need Stroking" moments over a 2 day period finally my brain, my heart and my body (yes my body you should have felt my back and shoulders) goes okay enough it enough, no more, no helping, I'm done.
So people, grow up and have a good hard look at yourself.
To my boss - be a boss, maybe if you did that properly you wouldn't have the issues you now have to deal with, and guess what, I will continue to do a good job for you but I will not be your backbone when dealing with the hard stuff - you get paid to do that not me and not any of your other staff, so stop expecting us to be the ones who deal with it. I don't care if you don't want to be a "father/boss" because your father was (in his words) "catholic and strict and I'm not going to be that way" - well tough cookies being a boss means just that. I know you are under pressure but hey so are all of us who work for you and all but one of us is delivering and maybe if you had listened to us earlier and been a boss and dealt properly with our co-worker we would not be dealing with the issues now. You and only you bought this pain on all of us.
To my co-worker, you have no-one to blame but yourself for what it happening to you, so take a good hard look at yourself, if the same situation keeps happening in your life and you are the only constant - then who do you think needs to take the blame - yes that right it is you. It is not like you haven't had lots of us telling you and coaching you and encouraging you but you need to listen, and listen with an open mind. You are a grown woman so act like one. I know you have had a tough childhood and maybe your life hasn't turned out like you thought it would but guess what there are a few of us who work alongside you who have not had it easy either and yet we can act like grown people because we have taken the steps and taken responsibility for who we are. Maybe, just maybe if you did that you would find your life is suddenly a whole lot better.
So there it is said, and yes maybe this is the safe option, say it here where they probably will never find it - but guess what - I'm so fired up I will probably say it to them anyway. Who cares what the fall out is - I am just plain tired of working my butt off and seeing my staff and other co-workers working their butts off while one of you does nothing and the other may work hard but only wants to undertake the bits of their job that they like!
In my workplace there are two major "Stroke Me, Stroke Me" personalities and they both have different behaviours they exhibit to achieve their goal of being stroked. Now these behaviours are not always positive and in most instances are negative. One particular person also doesn't mind if the stroking they receive is actually slapping instead - they just need the attention.
Now I suppose all of us need a certain amount of stroking in our lives, we are after all human beings and all of us if we are honest have an ego, however I would hope that I get enough stroking in my relationship and that I stroke back and that I even have the ability to self stroke. And this has nothing to do with physical touching, but that I have a healthy relationship with a partner who considers my needs and who I hope feels that I consider his. I am beginning to think that I am extremely lucky. It also doesn't mean there aren't times when I feel negative about myself - hell there are lots of those times as I am sure you would work out from my posts but I also know how to appreciate myself and what I do. I don't always need someone to tell what a good job I have done - would be great it they did, but it is not the intent of my working day eg to have people gush over me with praise - no I go to work, to do my work and I love my work and am proud of myself when I do a good job.
Now as I have admitted before I rescue people, and that includes giving into to their stroking demands, partly because I do understand that not everyone has a relationship that delivers this for them and not everyone is good a self stroking. But there comes a time when enough is enough, this past week was that time and to be truthful it has been a long time coming.
But when I have a week when both my boss and one of my co-workers have huge "What About Me I Need Stroking" moments over a 2 day period finally my brain, my heart and my body (yes my body you should have felt my back and shoulders) goes okay enough it enough, no more, no helping, I'm done.
So people, grow up and have a good hard look at yourself.
To my boss - be a boss, maybe if you did that properly you wouldn't have the issues you now have to deal with, and guess what, I will continue to do a good job for you but I will not be your backbone when dealing with the hard stuff - you get paid to do that not me and not any of your other staff, so stop expecting us to be the ones who deal with it. I don't care if you don't want to be a "father/boss" because your father was (in his words) "catholic and strict and I'm not going to be that way" - well tough cookies being a boss means just that. I know you are under pressure but hey so are all of us who work for you and all but one of us is delivering and maybe if you had listened to us earlier and been a boss and dealt properly with our co-worker we would not be dealing with the issues now. You and only you bought this pain on all of us.
To my co-worker, you have no-one to blame but yourself for what it happening to you, so take a good hard look at yourself, if the same situation keeps happening in your life and you are the only constant - then who do you think needs to take the blame - yes that right it is you. It is not like you haven't had lots of us telling you and coaching you and encouraging you but you need to listen, and listen with an open mind. You are a grown woman so act like one. I know you have had a tough childhood and maybe your life hasn't turned out like you thought it would but guess what there are a few of us who work alongside you who have not had it easy either and yet we can act like grown people because we have taken the steps and taken responsibility for who we are. Maybe, just maybe if you did that you would find your life is suddenly a whole lot better.
So there it is said, and yes maybe this is the safe option, say it here where they probably will never find it - but guess what - I'm so fired up I will probably say it to them anyway. Who cares what the fall out is - I am just plain tired of working my butt off and seeing my staff and other co-workers working their butts off while one of you does nothing and the other may work hard but only wants to undertake the bits of their job that they like!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Rescuers Anonymous
Hi, my name is Karen and I am a rescuer - welcome to the first meeting of Rescuer's Anonymous.
I'm not really being funny here, I admit I am a rescuer - and while I do not regret this part of my being, it is time I stopped. No longer can I be everything for everyone or should I ever have felt that I should be.
I can't solve your problems, you need to take steps to solve them yourself. I can't be your therapist - you need to find someone who is trained. I can however be your friend and celebrate your good times and have good times with you, I can be a shoulder for you to lean on - but not the sole support.
You may ask where has this come from after all this time - well It has become obvious with my work with Simon that I have allowed people to step all over the boundaries I should have in place to protect myself. I admit that I have allowed this often because peace is what I crave most in my life. I am not saying that anyone has ever intentionally trampled them but often in the past my longing for peace has meant that I won't challenge what you say or what you need me to do, it has been easier to just go with the flow - but no longer.
Now I have to say NO, in capitals, and you have to respect my right to do so. I will no longer allow my soul to be damaged, I need to let it heal. This doesn't mean I don't love you, it just means I need to learn to love myself as well. It means that I am spiritually exhausted, it means that while I help you I hurt myself because I am not listening to what my body, soul and heart tell me - that is "that it is time for me". So don't always expect me to be there for you when you phone, don't always expect me to answer your emails, don't always expect me to stop work because you need to talk about you because you need me to stroke your ego. I need to do what I need to do to heal and this will mean some walls will appear around me, if they haven't started to already, please do not take this personally.
There are sure to be other meetings of Rescuer's Anonymous as I am positive that I will fall back into my rescuing habits, it is after all an intrinsic part of who I am as a person, I empathize with others way to easily.
It is not that I even want to lose that part of me, it is just I need to learn to balance it so that it is in my favour.
Thank you for reading and understanding.
I'm not really being funny here, I admit I am a rescuer - and while I do not regret this part of my being, it is time I stopped. No longer can I be everything for everyone or should I ever have felt that I should be.
I can't solve your problems, you need to take steps to solve them yourself. I can't be your therapist - you need to find someone who is trained. I can however be your friend and celebrate your good times and have good times with you, I can be a shoulder for you to lean on - but not the sole support.
You may ask where has this come from after all this time - well It has become obvious with my work with Simon that I have allowed people to step all over the boundaries I should have in place to protect myself. I admit that I have allowed this often because peace is what I crave most in my life. I am not saying that anyone has ever intentionally trampled them but often in the past my longing for peace has meant that I won't challenge what you say or what you need me to do, it has been easier to just go with the flow - but no longer.
Now I have to say NO, in capitals, and you have to respect my right to do so. I will no longer allow my soul to be damaged, I need to let it heal. This doesn't mean I don't love you, it just means I need to learn to love myself as well. It means that I am spiritually exhausted, it means that while I help you I hurt myself because I am not listening to what my body, soul and heart tell me - that is "that it is time for me". So don't always expect me to be there for you when you phone, don't always expect me to answer your emails, don't always expect me to stop work because you need to talk about you because you need me to stroke your ego. I need to do what I need to do to heal and this will mean some walls will appear around me, if they haven't started to already, please do not take this personally.
There are sure to be other meetings of Rescuer's Anonymous as I am positive that I will fall back into my rescuing habits, it is after all an intrinsic part of who I am as a person, I empathize with others way to easily.
It is not that I even want to lose that part of me, it is just I need to learn to balance it so that it is in my favour.
Thank you for reading and understanding.
A Sisterhood Update
I have mentioned in an earlier blog about the sisters that the universe has provided for me.
Well here is a quick update on how we are all doing.
Sister #1 is still working hard but we caught up for dinner recently and had a great time, it just amazes me how even if we have not seen or spoken to each other for months, it is like just yesterday when we finally get together. Both of us made a pact to try and find time to do it more often.
Sister #2 has recently had to evacuate her house when threatened by the devastating Victorian bushfires - normally they would have stayed and fought, but after Black Saturday when it headed their way on the Monday they chose to leave. It was a heart-wrenching decision for them as they had built the house with their own hands. Luckily when they were allowed back 3 days later the fire had not come close enough to put their house at risk. I am looking forward to heading over there either later this year or if not it will be Nov 2010 for her 60th birthday.
Sister #3 has been looking for work and my workplace had a short term contract position that she was successful in getting and it has been wonderful to work alongside her this last couple of weeks. I would especially like to thank her for cleansing the negative corner of our office (more of this in another post). I will miss you when your contract finishes soon, I know I said that the universe had kept you unemployed long enough to have you with me for a short time, but now I feel selfish as well as I know you need the stability of full time permanent work - so universe I'm putting it out there - please find her the job is needs.
Sister #4 has continued to be a joy in my life, she and I work so well together and have been able to support each other through a tough couple of days this week (that will also be in the other post). Angels bless my darling on Monday when you have your hip injection - may you find instant relief from your pain.
Once again I would like to thank the powers that be for blessing me with my sisters, they continue to be a wonderful addition to my life and I don't now what I would do without them. xxx
Well here is a quick update on how we are all doing.
Sister #1 is still working hard but we caught up for dinner recently and had a great time, it just amazes me how even if we have not seen or spoken to each other for months, it is like just yesterday when we finally get together. Both of us made a pact to try and find time to do it more often.
Sister #2 has recently had to evacuate her house when threatened by the devastating Victorian bushfires - normally they would have stayed and fought, but after Black Saturday when it headed their way on the Monday they chose to leave. It was a heart-wrenching decision for them as they had built the house with their own hands. Luckily when they were allowed back 3 days later the fire had not come close enough to put their house at risk. I am looking forward to heading over there either later this year or if not it will be Nov 2010 for her 60th birthday.
Sister #3 has been looking for work and my workplace had a short term contract position that she was successful in getting and it has been wonderful to work alongside her this last couple of weeks. I would especially like to thank her for cleansing the negative corner of our office (more of this in another post). I will miss you when your contract finishes soon, I know I said that the universe had kept you unemployed long enough to have you with me for a short time, but now I feel selfish as well as I know you need the stability of full time permanent work - so universe I'm putting it out there - please find her the job is needs.
Sister #4 has continued to be a joy in my life, she and I work so well together and have been able to support each other through a tough couple of days this week (that will also be in the other post). Angels bless my darling on Monday when you have your hip injection - may you find instant relief from your pain.
Once again I would like to thank the powers that be for blessing me with my sisters, they continue to be a wonderful addition to my life and I don't now what I would do without them. xxx
Dear Mr Qantas
Dear Mr Qantas
Thank you for cancelling my flight to Adelaide with only a few hours notice, lucky I heard my phone with the text message telling me, otherwise wouldn't I have been red-faced turning up to check in when that flight was cancelled. That text message certainly saved me from the embarrassment of having my husband lose his cool at the airport. I can see in these tough economic times how sending a plane that was less than full would cost you money - shame that maybe your staff ended up with less pay because they didn't need to work, but still they are only the little people aren't they?
I would really like to thank you for losing my luggage as well, I can see how you got confused and sent it to Kalgoorlie instead of Adelaide (ADL and KGL) because both your codes end in L. Anyone could make such a mistake couldn't they?
Thank you also for helping me improve my hand washing skills as I got to wash out my knickers with soap so I had some clean ones for the next morning, and I really didn't mind wearing the same top and pants - after all I had only put them on as I rushed out the door to get my rescheduled earlier flight.
I even got to go and buy new underwear, a top, a nightie and pants the next day, as well as books to replace those in my luguage - the clothes were on the advice of your friendly staff who just had no idea where my bag was and they were obviously worried it wouldn't turn up at all. Oh and thanks for offering to reimburse me these costs - but wait that was only if my bag didn't turn up wasn't it. Shame for me that 24 hours later it appeared, still what girl doesn't like a shopping spree.
Oh and I especially love the fact that your staff gave me a little bag of toiletries to tide me over with those absolutely gorgeous pjs - and how flattering that the lady behind the counter thought I could fit into a size 14 - shame I am a 24. It really was a good thing for both of us that it wasn't a romantic night away for hubby and me as I am not sure that he would have found them particularly attractive and sexy - just check out the shot of him modelling them for me - well I thought they were extra sexy on him so maybe it did work out okay after all.
Just got to love being a gold frequent flyer - we get all the perks!!
Thank you for cancelling my flight to Adelaide with only a few hours notice, lucky I heard my phone with the text message telling me, otherwise wouldn't I have been red-faced turning up to check in when that flight was cancelled. That text message certainly saved me from the embarrassment of having my husband lose his cool at the airport. I can see in these tough economic times how sending a plane that was less than full would cost you money - shame that maybe your staff ended up with less pay because they didn't need to work, but still they are only the little people aren't they?
I would really like to thank you for losing my luggage as well, I can see how you got confused and sent it to Kalgoorlie instead of Adelaide (ADL and KGL) because both your codes end in L. Anyone could make such a mistake couldn't they?
Thank you also for helping me improve my hand washing skills as I got to wash out my knickers with soap so I had some clean ones for the next morning, and I really didn't mind wearing the same top and pants - after all I had only put them on as I rushed out the door to get my rescheduled earlier flight.
I even got to go and buy new underwear, a top, a nightie and pants the next day, as well as books to replace those in my luguage - the clothes were on the advice of your friendly staff who just had no idea where my bag was and they were obviously worried it wouldn't turn up at all. Oh and thanks for offering to reimburse me these costs - but wait that was only if my bag didn't turn up wasn't it. Shame for me that 24 hours later it appeared, still what girl doesn't like a shopping spree.
Oh and I especially love the fact that your staff gave me a little bag of toiletries to tide me over with those absolutely gorgeous pjs - and how flattering that the lady behind the counter thought I could fit into a size 14 - shame I am a 24. It really was a good thing for both of us that it wasn't a romantic night away for hubby and me as I am not sure that he would have found them particularly attractive and sexy - just check out the shot of him modelling them for me - well I thought they were extra sexy on him so maybe it did work out okay after all.Just got to love being a gold frequent flyer - we get all the perks!!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
The Lowest Of The Low
Last night about 9.30 we had a phone call from our middle daughter (she is a single Mum and the mother of our oldest grand-daughter) to say someone (I could use really bad language here) had broken into her house. She had left at about 9 am that morning to firstly help her eldest sister out with some more unpacking - A & C played with my baby grand-daughter so C & M could unpack the last of their stuff to make sure nothing more had been broken in the move from Sydney. They had then all gone to watch the little one at her swimming lesson before A & C went to help another friend, also a single Mum, who was trying to earn a little extra cash by taking on a cleaning job on top of her normal Mon-Fri work.
So while they were away, helping others, some low-life and probably that should be in the plural, thought that it was okay to break in and help themselves to whatever they felt like.
Now I don't understand, and never have, how anyone can contemplate doing this, no-one in this country should be under the pressures of people in third world countries who sometimes have no other option but to steal and beg. There have been times when we have been on the bones of our arse financially, my children have also been in this situation, but never ever would we think of doing this, so please tell me why some Australians think it is okay. It is not like you can't get assistance from the Government and other organisations.
Luckily my daughter has insurance, but she has not kept all the receipts - so please if you have insurance keep your receipts - so it will be harder for her to prove what was stolen. And while it was not too much taken overall - my grand-daughter's Wii, Playstation 2 (and all the games she had) and her iPod Shuffle and my daughter's digital camera, a couple of memory cards, a DS with her favourite game inside and a carton of cigarettes, they also rummaged through every drawer and cupboard in the house, tipped out boxes of creative memories stuff and stole coke from the fridge. But above all it was the feeling of being violated that my daughter is struggling with the most - strangers have gone through her underwear drawer looking for cash or jewelry, they have sat on her lounge, rummaged through her linen, sat on her daughter's bed and been in her fridge.
For a non-violent person, if I ever find them, I will promise you, I may just beat them into a pulp - and I think there will be a line - my husband will be heading up the queue!
So while they were away, helping others, some low-life and probably that should be in the plural, thought that it was okay to break in and help themselves to whatever they felt like.
Now I don't understand, and never have, how anyone can contemplate doing this, no-one in this country should be under the pressures of people in third world countries who sometimes have no other option but to steal and beg. There have been times when we have been on the bones of our arse financially, my children have also been in this situation, but never ever would we think of doing this, so please tell me why some Australians think it is okay. It is not like you can't get assistance from the Government and other organisations.
Luckily my daughter has insurance, but she has not kept all the receipts - so please if you have insurance keep your receipts - so it will be harder for her to prove what was stolen. And while it was not too much taken overall - my grand-daughter's Wii, Playstation 2 (and all the games she had) and her iPod Shuffle and my daughter's digital camera, a couple of memory cards, a DS with her favourite game inside and a carton of cigarettes, they also rummaged through every drawer and cupboard in the house, tipped out boxes of creative memories stuff and stole coke from the fridge. But above all it was the feeling of being violated that my daughter is struggling with the most - strangers have gone through her underwear drawer looking for cash or jewelry, they have sat on her lounge, rummaged through her linen, sat on her daughter's bed and been in her fridge.
For a non-violent person, if I ever find them, I will promise you, I may just beat them into a pulp - and I think there will be a line - my husband will be heading up the queue!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
I Am Good and I Am Enough
I Am Good and I Am Enough - strong and powerful words, words of self acceptance and strength. Words I need to live by.
As mentioned before in previous posts, I have had issues with my father and his attitude to me (and maybe girls in general) and as I have said he is probably not even aware of how I have felt and feel and I no longer have the will to confront him face to face as peace is what I crave most in my life now. What annoys me most is that even though I tell myself it is dealt with, up it pops to show me how wrong I am.
Case in point :
Today during my kinesiology appointment with Simon we found some of my shakras were blocked and childhood thoughts of not being good or enough seem to be the focus of the blockage. So we worked to clear them. Part of the clearing process involved Simon placing his fingers on my forehead and me repeating silently to myself that I Am Good and I Am Enough over and over again. While doing this flashes of childhood memories popped in and out of my conscience.
One particularly troubling one was an incident that happened while still living with my father in Mt Lawley. We had a neighbouring family that we used to pop into see, the boys were a lot of older than my brother and myself and well into their teens if not early twenties. We used to play with their chooks and collect eggs - that sort of stuff. One of their sons was mentally challenged and being a child at the time I not sure what he suffered from.
Anyway, this day he invited me into his bedroom to look at some books, so being a trusting child I went with him. The books were actually soft porn - probably something like Playboy and before I knew it he had exposed himself to me and asked me to kiss his penis. Now there was no way I was going to do that so told him no and went to leave but he was between me and the door and long story short he masturbated in front of me. Now I at that point didn't know what masturbation was so thought he had done wee. That was all that happened, I wasn't traumatised at all, just thought it was yukky and so when I got home told my parents because it didn't seem right that he should wee in front of me.
Now I don't remember the exact words my father used, but it felt like it was my fault, that I had done something really bad and really naughty and that I couldn't be trusted. He rushed me to a doctor (not our family doctor but a stranger) who examined me in a way that was way more traumatising that what had happened. Obviously he was checking to see if I had been molested in anyway and I know that my Dad did it for the 'right' reasons, but Dad that wasn't the right way at all taking me to a doctor I didn't know like you were ashamed of me when I had done nothing wrong. I was an innocent child approached by a boy with problems who never touched me and I did the right thing and said no and told you. But Dad even if you if had the best of intentions this memory even now upsets me more than you will ever know.
I Am Good and being a girl is Good Enough and always will be.
And to my children please don't judge your grandfather by what I write here, these are my issues and my memories and by reliving some of these I believe that they will make me stronger and healthier. It is not done to belittle your grandfather he is who he is and he is happy with who he is and so be it.
As mentioned before in previous posts, I have had issues with my father and his attitude to me (and maybe girls in general) and as I have said he is probably not even aware of how I have felt and feel and I no longer have the will to confront him face to face as peace is what I crave most in my life now. What annoys me most is that even though I tell myself it is dealt with, up it pops to show me how wrong I am.
Case in point :
Today during my kinesiology appointment with Simon we found some of my shakras were blocked and childhood thoughts of not being good or enough seem to be the focus of the blockage. So we worked to clear them. Part of the clearing process involved Simon placing his fingers on my forehead and me repeating silently to myself that I Am Good and I Am Enough over and over again. While doing this flashes of childhood memories popped in and out of my conscience.
One particularly troubling one was an incident that happened while still living with my father in Mt Lawley. We had a neighbouring family that we used to pop into see, the boys were a lot of older than my brother and myself and well into their teens if not early twenties. We used to play with their chooks and collect eggs - that sort of stuff. One of their sons was mentally challenged and being a child at the time I not sure what he suffered from.
Anyway, this day he invited me into his bedroom to look at some books, so being a trusting child I went with him. The books were actually soft porn - probably something like Playboy and before I knew it he had exposed himself to me and asked me to kiss his penis. Now there was no way I was going to do that so told him no and went to leave but he was between me and the door and long story short he masturbated in front of me. Now I at that point didn't know what masturbation was so thought he had done wee. That was all that happened, I wasn't traumatised at all, just thought it was yukky and so when I got home told my parents because it didn't seem right that he should wee in front of me.
Now I don't remember the exact words my father used, but it felt like it was my fault, that I had done something really bad and really naughty and that I couldn't be trusted. He rushed me to a doctor (not our family doctor but a stranger) who examined me in a way that was way more traumatising that what had happened. Obviously he was checking to see if I had been molested in anyway and I know that my Dad did it for the 'right' reasons, but Dad that wasn't the right way at all taking me to a doctor I didn't know like you were ashamed of me when I had done nothing wrong. I was an innocent child approached by a boy with problems who never touched me and I did the right thing and said no and told you. But Dad even if you if had the best of intentions this memory even now upsets me more than you will ever know.
I Am Good and being a girl is Good Enough and always will be.
And to my children please don't judge your grandfather by what I write here, these are my issues and my memories and by reliving some of these I believe that they will make me stronger and healthier. It is not done to belittle your grandfather he is who he is and he is happy with who he is and so be it.
True Love
I have always know that my darling husband loves me, even those times in our life together when he was too busy to pay me much attention. It has always been the little things, the way he touches my hair while I am reading and he is walking past, the way he rubs my back when I am washing up, the times he rings me when he is away just to see that I am okay, the way he holds my hand when we walk together, the way he kisses me ... he has rarely bought me flowers or expensive gifts, in fact once he bought me a car aerial as a present which we still laugh about - I needed it and we were short of money at the time so it was practical and I suppose in that way a romantic gift after all he knows how much I love my music in the car.
It doesn't mean we don't fight - we have had some doozies over the years, but in the scheme of things not many at all.
But his concern and love for me is a blessing that I gratefully accept.
Last week we went to Adelaide - where he is working every week - flies out Sundays or Mondays and back on Thursday nights. It has been a strain on both of us but it is something he has to do. So this last week he flew me over with him so we could be together each morning and night. Qantas lost my luggage and it had all my meds in the bag (the first time I have ever put them in the check-in luggage, and the last) and I was really laid back about the whole thing. But DH worried his heart out, ringing Qantas to check, ringing me to make sure I was okay, ringing Qantas again, then ringing me again and so on all day. I think he was worried he would come back to the room to find me dead or dying - I really am not that fragile. But it reinforced how much he loves me and how he would miss me if I was not in his life.
It would be wonderful if everyone could find their soul mate, their true love. And if you haven't found him yet - don't be fooled by the flashy gifts and the flowers, it is the little things that really show how much you are loved - well it is in my book anyway.
I love you darling with all my heart.
It doesn't mean we don't fight - we have had some doozies over the years, but in the scheme of things not many at all.
But his concern and love for me is a blessing that I gratefully accept.
Last week we went to Adelaide - where he is working every week - flies out Sundays or Mondays and back on Thursday nights. It has been a strain on both of us but it is something he has to do. So this last week he flew me over with him so we could be together each morning and night. Qantas lost my luggage and it had all my meds in the bag (the first time I have ever put them in the check-in luggage, and the last) and I was really laid back about the whole thing. But DH worried his heart out, ringing Qantas to check, ringing me to make sure I was okay, ringing Qantas again, then ringing me again and so on all day. I think he was worried he would come back to the room to find me dead or dying - I really am not that fragile. But it reinforced how much he loves me and how he would miss me if I was not in his life.
It would be wonderful if everyone could find their soul mate, their true love. And if you haven't found him yet - don't be fooled by the flashy gifts and the flowers, it is the little things that really show how much you are loved - well it is in my book anyway.
I love you darling with all my heart.
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