Well who would have thought it, this is my 100th post, back when I started I thought I would be lucky to do 10.
So what to write about in this the 100th post? Well a weighty issue to be sure. Some of you who read this may agree with me and some may not. For those of you who don't all I hope is that you may at least think about what I have to say and see if you still feel the same after you do.
Melissa (thethingsIdtellyou) has recently blogged about the 4 corners program that revealed the the gang bang (rape) of a 19 year old NZ girl a few years ago by a group of Rugby players. Now I didn't see the program so I can not comment on what was said during that interview. But it seems that Matthew Johns has acknowleged that it happened and he has now faced some serious consequences over his lack of judgement. Rightfully so, maybe he should count himself lucky that he did not end up in jail way back then.
However, Melissa's blog also expressed her confusion that other women on Essential Baby had written things like 'she asked for it' or 'well what did she think was going to happen when she agreed to have sex with 2 men'? There is a list of comments that turned my stomach but unfortunately did not surprise me.
And so this raises the question:
Why is it that women are quite often the first to cast a stone at another women in circumstances like this.
Does not the bible say that only he who is perfect can cast that stone. Do we as women forget the things we did when we where younger? So now when we are wives and mothers it is easier for us to pretend we never had random sex, or put ourselves in situations that could have got out of hand. Sure there are a few women who in this day and age are virgins when they marry, but there are a lot who are not. There are some women who keep themselves totally pure, no heavy petting and the like, but there are also a lot who may not have actually had intercourse, but they have done everything but. So why do we get this amnesia about ourselves, what is it that makes us think it is okay to be holier than thou to another women? I don't have the answer, but I can truthfully say that I am not one of them.
I believe that it doesn't matter if a women chooses to have sex with more than one man. It doesn't matter that she may have been drunk at the time. It doesn't even matter if she thought she was going to be able to brag about it later (which now seems to be a new story in the media).
What everyone must remember is that a women (or man) has the right to say no, even if they started the encounter.
But we must also remember that the reality is, that sometimes we just can't - and that does not in any way mean we consented. Anyone can be paralysed by fear, anyone can take themselves to another place just to cope. I think of myself as a strong woman, but I don't know that I would have the strength to scream or fight when were there 12 men surrounding me. Or to have the mental strength to work out how to make this stop.
So rather than judge this women (or any other), should we not feel saddened by the fact that she has had to endure this inability to defend herself for all these years. Should we not now feel respect for her that she has found the strength to stand up and speak. It doesn't matter if she was paid for this interview or not, she has the right to be heard and it seems that she was denied that right many years ago. Should we as women not show support for anyone who has gone through an experience like this. No wonder more women don't go to the police to report abuse, for if you do, it seems that your actions are judged more than those that have abused you.
On a final note - let us remember that these sportsmen are not Gods and maybe it is time we as a community stopped treating them as such. On the whole they bring nothing good to this world, they just provide entertainment if that is what you call AFL or League or Union.