The Rage Inside

If we are honest with ourselves, do we admit how much rage we keep inside ourselves. Keep it there because in polite society we are not encouraged to show how we really feel. What happens when that rage has no where to go? Should we not be able to let it out not matter what?

Well my rage ends up hurting me, my session with Simon showed just how much that is true. The Thursday before last I had an incident at work were I felt disrespected by my boss. It was not his intent but it is how it made me feel. So I stewed on it, then talked about it to one of my 'sisters' to see if what I was feeling was true eg that I was not being too sensitive but that I was justified in being hurt and angry.

When it was confirmed that what I was feeling was indeed righteous I decided that I would talk to my boss about how he made me feel. I had controlled my initial reaction at the time which was to tell him to 'stick it where the sun don't shine' as he is my boss and yelling at him in the workplace was not done in 'polite society'. However I was unable to get any time with him on the day as he was tied up in meetings and didn't get back before I left for the day. Small thing really in the scheme of things you may say, and so would I have, before yesterday. However on the way home that night I stopped in to do a little shopping and my lower back went into spasm and my left leg felt like it was on fire and and I literally hobbled back to the car. My back had been so good I had forgotten how bad it could get and this was worse than it ever had been. Tears welled in my eyes and threatened to overflow - not only at the pain but at the disappointment of it coming back, it took all my effort not to sob out loud.

On the Friday spoke to my boss and he was indeed unaware that his actions had caused me to feel the way I did. It was sorted and we both benefited from having the discussion. Since then my back has been pretty good.

Then my session with Simon yesterday and I mentioned what had happened with my back - nothing about any other things, just that I had been in pain on this one day when I stopped to do some shopping.

So we looked at what caused it to flare up again, and what shows up but feelings of not being respected and rage, real rage about it. So he says to me did someone at the shops show you disrespect or make you feel a fool? No I say, all was good, but wait something did happen at work that day. When we discussed that my muscle jammed so tight Simon was shocked. Obviously that was a major issue.

So what do you know, not dealing with how I was feeling right there and then blocked my meridian and pain was the result. Now I am not saying that I should have shouted or ranted and raved, but I should have dealt with it as soon as it happened. Because if I don't I suffer. So now I have learnt another lesson about how my body deals with all the issues in my life. It is not just your mind or your heart that feels all that happens, it is stored within your body right from when you are young. Food for thought perhaps.