2013 The Way Forward

Image source

December of 2012 has bought me to a decision point, I can continue struggling with my weight, with my diabetes and with my pain or take some drastic action.

I know I ranted against my Diabetes specialist when he dared to suggest I consider lap banding or a gastric sleeve to help me lose weight.  I still believe he saw the disease and not the person, but he did me a favour.  He made me stop and think, to go and find out more.

So on the 18th January 2013 I will be having gastric sleeve surgery.  It has not been an easy decision, but after I meet with the surgeon and his team of support staff (dietitians, exercise phsyiologists and baritiac assessors) and I heard what they had to say.  After I watched a DVD of past recipients of the surgery, after I heard them acknowledge that they are sure I am eating the right food most of the time, but I am eating too much for me, for my metabolism - I stopped and though hard.  I am morbidly obese, 41 on the scale, given my height and age.

I am currently nearly 2 weeks into a VLCD to try and shed some fat out of my liver, which I now know is enlarged.  I need to lose 5kgs to start that happening, I am now down about 4kg with 2-3 weeks still left.

I chose to have the gastric sleeve rather than the lap band, partly on the advice of the surgeon, but mostly because I know of 3 people who have had lap bands who constantly struggle with regurgitating food back.  I don't vomit, and on the couple of times I have, my body goes into shock.  So regurgitation is not something I am putting my hand up for.  Apart from that, each and every one of them struggles to eat meat and bread.  Each of them has stopped going back to have the fill ups that are needed to keep the band tight, each of them has put back on some of the weight they originally lost.

Gastric sleeve surgery eliminates the need to fluid top ups, it enables you to eat a varied diet, your stomach works in the normal way, there is just a lot less stomach and so you eat 3 very small meals a day.

Sure there are some big draw backs, I can only drink very small amounts of fluid before I fill up and it comes back up - yuck.  I need to sip water often as I can't easily rehydrate if I haven't kept my fluid levels up.

There are bigger surgical risks too, they basically cut away 2/3 of your stomach using staples and a cutting thingy (like my technical terms?) and you can leak stomach fluid and become seriously ill and end up in intensive care, or you can suffer a major bleed and have to go back into surgery.  Lap banding has very minor risks.

The reality though, is I could be dead in 5 years of heart attach or stroke, I have a 50/50 chance of that happening, I have a 1/2000 chance of surgery complications.   That is not to mention all the complications like gangrene and going blind that uncontrolled diabetes bring to the game.  That is not to mention the fact that no doctor will replace my knee while I weigh this much.

So 2013 is The Way Forward year, the year I take back control, the year I lose up to 80% of my excess weight - that's like 40kgs people, even saying that out loud is scary.

One bonus of being on the VLCD is that I already have had to cut down my diabetes meds, my BG readings are so good that I just can't believe it.  Did I tell you that I might end up on just 1 tablet, or even if the Universe is smiling - no medication for my diabetes.  Not to mention dropping my blood pressure tablets, my pain meds, and all sort of other benefits.

So 2013 is my oyster and I am making sure that I end up with a PEARL.  Thanks to my hubby and all my family and work colleagues who have already been so supportive, who have not judged me or seen this as the easy way out, but have been there cheering me on.

Happy New Year to all who drop by here to read and comment, I hope 2013 is the best for you too, I have so much appreciated your friendships, your comments and reading your blogs through 2012.

Oh and Beth - your turn, go!!

Leaving On A Jet Plane

I walked into the spare bedroom this morning and all that was left was an unmade bed, a clear floor space where once there were suitcases she was living out of while staying with us, and the scent of her perfume.

No long lanky daughter stretched out on the bed with her computer where she would lay or  sit and Skype for hours.  No Hi's from the other side of the world to me either.

Just silence and an empty space.

The goodbyes are over, the travel has started, the Perth to Melbourne leg is done and she is on the long journey now from Melbourne to LAX, then to Seattle before the jump to Sitka in Alaska.  She arrives on Thursday morning Perth time, she left here at 11.30pm last night.

Her impatience to get on the plane was palpable, as was her anxiety at leaving.

As a mother it is bittersweet to want nothing more than your children to be happy, but to know that to do this they have to leave you, and not just leave your home or the State in which your live but the country as well.

So my heart is breaking today, but I know it will mend when I see her smiling face at the end of her journey.

Now I really need to download Skype so that can happen.

Have a wonderful journey daughter of mine, may your heart be always filled with happiness and know that is always my wish for you, as it is for your sisters and brother.

A Goodbye cuddle on Sunday with her sisters and brother
(she's the one 2nd from the right or 3rd from the left if that is your preference)

No Phone, No Internet and Goodbyes and the State of Denial

We have had no phone since Sunday 11th, which means no Internet either.

Telstra said they would have it fixed by Weds 14th, then texted us that day to say another week.

The reason, they were too busy and understaffed.

What pissed me off more than anything was that they sent a text, as a valued (obviously not) and loyal customer for many many years, I think they could have at least phoned.

So when hubby phoned them back and complained they as least directed our home phone to my mobile, but he had to ask for them to do this.  They also agreed to up my data download on my iPhone so we could intermittently check emails and the like.

So I was pleased when we were phoned around lunch time today to say they were fixing the phone.  It seems to take all of about 3 minutes, a 8 day wait and 3 minutes work, seriously Telstra I am not happy Jan.

Because of this, I have been absent in the blogosphere for much of that time, I will endeavour to catch up with my reading, but I am sure I will have missed much that is happening out there.

In other news, my youngest daughter is about to head off to Alaska tomorrow, yep Alaska and not just for a holiday!!  She has a working Visa and has been given a fantastic opportunity to not only work over there, but to live with the love of her life.

Me, well I am in denial about the whole thing, can't say that I will be tomorrow night as we bid her farewell, but denial is a nice state of being sometimes.

Yesterday we had the family - all my children and their significant others, my 3 grand-daughters and my Mum and step father - over for a BBQ lunch. To say a few tears were shed at the end of the afternoon would be the truth, but none by me, because as you know, I am in that state (the denial one).  Tomorrow night, shares in Kleenex will go up, I can guarantee that, cause the dam will break because denial is such a temporary state, don't you hate that?

In other news, hubby and I celebrated our 35th Wedding Anniversary on the 12th, 35 years of love and happiness and hoping for many, many more.

Thanks for popping by xxx

Just had to share this photo of Great Grandma (also known as Mimsie) reading to her 2nd youngest great grandie xxx 

Of course there was the obligatory family photo, and yes it is hard to get all of use looking at the camera and smiling at once, although saying 'monkeys' seems to have helped with the smiling part - lol
Not sure why we are all squinting though - although it could have something to do with us watching a small red blinking light on the camera to make sure we all said monkeys at the same time.

I Can't Change Even If I Wanted To ...

Today I was watching Ellen for a few minutes while eating lunch before going to physio.

This is what I saw, this is what I heard, this is what spoke to me ... so Tony Abbott and Julia Gillard - it's about time you really listened, as the mother of four beautiful adult children, two of whom are gay, they deserve to marry if they choose to, just like my other two children ...

I can't change even if I wanted to ... listen to that beautiful voice, really listen  ... my love, my love, she keeps me warm

Don't we all deserve that??

The Best $5 Ever Spent

Around 15 years ago (maybe a little more), I spent $5 at Woolworths on a small rose.

It is still small in structure and now grows in a medium-large sized pot.  It gets full sun in the morning, it gets regularly battered by strong easterly winds, sometimes cooked in scorching summer conditions, only watered every other day, but it delivers, year after year.  The best $5 I have ever spent.

 It is called a Chameleon Rose, and as you will see, it's name is well deserved.

It starts as a sunny yellow bud with a touch of hot pink on the edges

Before turning almost apricot in colour

 A few days later the pink begins to over take the apricot which is softening to cream

 

Before the cream turns to white and the pink is at full intensity

Then the pink slowly fades towards the end, leaving a delicate aging white bloom

And the best thing, is that at any given time there are all the stages on the one rose bush.
Isn't it beautiful?

Thanks for popping by, hope you are having a great weekend. xxx

A New Rooster in the Henhouse

Meet the newest addition to our garden ... Roger.

Isn't he a beauty??  

I hope Roger manages to keep his brilliance in this hot summer, I know that I shall enjoy his company when wandering in the garden.

He joins my 2 African Storks and Hoot the fairy garden owl.  I'm loving adding more than just plants to our garden.  Do you have any garden art?

Thanks for popping by xxx

Flower For Friday

I popped out early this morning and snapped some of the happy faces flowering in my garden, then nearly missed the Flowers for Friday post I planned to do as I got busy during the day.

I have loved pansies (and violas) for many years, they remind of my Grandma Win, I think she used to plant them in her garden in North Perth, I seem to remember their smiley faces along the path with the soldier boys and gerbras.

As I look out the kitchen window, I can easily see the bright yellow ones smiling at me, they make me smile each and every time.  As they are coming to the end of the flowering time, I thought I better snap these photos before they are gone.  There are many and varied colours grouped together under the leafless frangipani tree, but I have only taken photos of a few to share.

A couple of weeks ago I found these gorgeous little orange and purple violas (sold as pots of colour) and just had to have them as well (they look much more yellow in the photo then the orange that they actually are).  Hubby potted them all together in one of our half wine barrels and they are a delight to behold.

Hope they bring a smile to your face too.

Have a great weekend, thanks for popping by xxx

Restoring My Faith In People

On Tuesday night I had the pleasure of meeting up with my beautiful friend Robyne, she has been a friend to me for around 41 years!  We see less of each other now, in fact it has been 12 months since we last met up and shared a meal together, but our friendship is such that we just fall back into talking to each other like we only saw each other the day before.

We have vowed to try and see each other more regularly, but we both work and have lots of other commitments, so if it doesn't happen, neither of us will get offended because that's how we roll.

So after a delicious meal at Bistro Guillaume at the Crown Metropol (used to be Burswood) of French Onion Soup and a whole (deboned) Whiting served with some fancy French chips and the most delicious bread and real butter, we sat around and chatted for a while before heading off home.

[Okay I know I am not the best food blogger, but you have to try this restaurant, it is divine, from the decor to the meals and especially the service ... I give it 5 stars, lets hope it stays that way]

Now Robyne's daughter had dropped her off so I was driving her home, it is sort of on the way and gave us more time to chat!  So we paid for our parking ($20!! now that's gone up with the new name) we headed to the exit.  But I somehow dropped the ticket down between the seat and the console and no amount of moving my seat, using various pens and other thin objects could I get the ticket that would allow us to exit.

To add to the stress, some ignorant woman pulled up behind me and yelled at me to reverse so she could get out.  Not sure where she wanted me to reverse to, as she was behind me and there was a car behind her.  I nearly told her I would reverse right up her Jaxie if she wasn't careful.

But I remained calm, and pushed the intercom button on the exit machine, told them my problem and asked them to help, to which the stupid man replied ...

Oh we can't do anything if you don't have a ticket!!!  Seriously????  He repeated this four times - really helpful dude - NOT.

And all the while the line was getting longer and the woman behind me looked like she was going to kill me.  Someone even started tooting!

So I asked if I could just put my credit card in the machine and pay again, so he says yes, and then asks did it work ... Of course it didn't you idiot, the card won't fit in the slot.  So we go back to, well I can't do anything if you don't have a ticket.  SERIOUSLY DUDE IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE THERE IS GOING TO BE PARKING LOT RAGE.

Then two pedestrians came to my rescue, they just walked over and said ... Let us help, we have long skinny arms and hands, and I was like WHAT???  But they got down on their hands and knees and one held her iPhone (on the torch app) and other nearly crawled under my seat and with lots of puffing and huffing she finally held up the ticket.  I nearly kissed her on the spot.  And without further ado, or the chance to adequately thank them, they picked up their stuff and walked off.

These gorgeous young woman, dressed in black jeans and black shirts, with spiky black hair, arms covered with tattoos and lots of piercings, restored my faith in their generation.  I always try not to judge a book by it's cover, but I am human and so often fail.  But this really bought home that message.

And I really should ring the Crown Metropol and tell them about the end of my evening and their really unhelpful man on the other end of the intercom, but seriously I just can't be bothered.

p.s I'm off to hospital to have my back injections so I have schedule this post.

Thanks for popping by, hope you are having a great week xxx

In My Green Cocoon

As mentioned before in an earlier post, my menopausal musings have lead me not towards purple, which is so often the tone that menopausal mummas drift towards, but to soft greens with lime tones - just look at the picture that is the basis of my blog background and you'll get the idea.

I even have my own shady green cocoon, this is the scene from where I sit in my study, isn't it glorious??

My gorgeous shady green cocoon is provided by our Cecil Brunner climbing rose, which has now outgrown the supports and has grown (fallen) over to touch the eaves of the house.

There is a tunnel of rose branches and leaves you need to walk through as you wander down the garden path towards the front of the house.

Soon my green cocoon will be dotted with beautiful soft pink flowers (I'll add some photos taken last year further down).  It is truly a lovely scene to behold each time I sit down at the computer.

With the blinds open but not pulled across (around 9.30 am), and this photo does
not do justice to the glorious colour

With the blinds drawn to the left

Of course it brightens as the sun moves over the house.  My recently installed wind chimes which you can just see at the top right of the window, provide a tinkling musical backdrop to my day.

Lovely little pink delights

And of course, Max loves to sit and look out the window
(photo from another day)

There is a new addition to the fairy garden that my middle grand-daughter loves to visit, you can spy him just to the right of my computer in the photo above, but here he is in all his glory.

A colourful dragonfly now sits above the fairy garden below

Hopefully soon the walls of my study will be painted in green (if hubby ever gets around to it), and so my green cocoon will be complete.



Thanks for popping by, I hope you are having a glorious day where ever you are.   xxx

The Vagina Monologues (well my version anyway)

Does anyone else out there, get a little freaked out when you get the letter that your Pap Smear is overdue from the Department of Health?  Maybe it is just a WA thing, but I kind of freaks me out that a random government computer knows more about my vagina than I do!!

And then there are the reminders about mammograms - I just hope it is the same random government computer as the one about my pap smear, I mean just imagine if it is a whole bank of government computers knowing about my lady parts!!!  Horror : )

But on a serious note, do you keep your regular check ups in your diary, does your doctor's surgery remind you or do you just fly by the seat of your pants with these things, which is what I do.  I wait until I get the reminders and then make the appointments, although my doctor's surgery also sends me a reminder as well so it is hard to forget them.

So the appointment is made and hopefully, fingers crossed the results are all clear.

And just so I can share a little more, but not about me, my daughter's doctor has Aspergers (well we are pretty sure she does) and she gives a monotone monologue account of what she is doing and when my daughter was re-enacting the whole experience to me on the phone last night I nearly wet myself laughing.  At least my doctor is a little more laid back about what she is doing down there.

Thanks for popping by xxx

All My Friends Are Getting Married ...

... well not all my friends!  But tomorrow is my Dad's wedding day.  Finally after 35 years living together my Dad and his girlfriend are tying the knot.  Not bad for 80 and 71 years old.

I wasn't invited to the wedding and found out via my Dad's girlfriend, all of which initially made me very sad, but I am going to be there, I didn't give them a choice and I hope they have many happy years in front of them.

Congratulations Dad and Pam xxx

Too Heavy

My hair is too heavy for my head
My head is too heavy for my neck
My eyelids are too heavy for my eyes
My emotions are too heavy for my heart

And so I am going to bed
For I can not wait for this day to end

Goodnight

Is That A Train ... Or Light At The End Of The Tunnel?

There is the slightest possibility that there may be a light, a pain free light, at the end of the long dark tunnel.

Now I am not getting my hopes up (well trying really hard not too) but the pain specialist I saw today said he may be able to take some of my lower back and leg pain away.

I had got myself into such a bad way that I was shedding tears on the way to the appointment, I had diarrhoea before I left the house (4 times and took gastro stop just in case), certain that he would say there was nothing he could do.  I even made hubby take me because I knew if he said 'sorry' I would dissolve into a puddle on the floor, just like the witch in the Wizard of Oz.  A huge puddle of tears, that is the tightrope I am walking on at the moment, that is the sort of pressure I am feeling.

Because, you see, he is my last hope.  My last hope that I can get back to walking without pain, standing without pain, and sometimes even sitting without pain.  My last hope that I might be able to travel overseas, or even somewhere closer without it being a waste of money because all I can do is sit.

He is not giving me a 100% assurance, but he is willing to try, and if that doesn't work to try something else.

So Universe, it is time you gave this little black duck a good outcome, because she is not sure she is up for another failure.

Thanks for popping by xxx

Everyone's Waiting

I know all the lines to say

The part I am expect to play

But in the reflection I am worlds away

As I put my costume on

Eyelashes one by one

Been doing this so long I can tie the knot

Behind my back

And everyone's waiting

but it's getting harder to hear what my heart is saying

Cos everyone's waiting

"Just swallow and breath" she says

"Remember this aint for you it's for them

And all of those painful lessons you've had to learn

You gotta use them now or never"

Cos everyone's waiting

But it's getting harder to hear

What my heart keeps saying

Turn it off, I wanna turn it all off

When everyone's waiting

It makes it harder to hear what my heart keeps saying

Turn it off, I wanna turn it all off

But everyone's waiting

I hear that answers appear when you just stand still

But make it all, how do you make it all stop

When everyone's waiting?

Everyone's waiting

Written by Missy Higgins and Dan Wilson (copyright 2012)

Another song that is speaking so much to me at the moment.

Fire and Rain

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around
Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things to come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end

I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend

(James Taylor)

Back in the early 70's (late 60's) I went through a hippy stage, loving the cheesecloth long dresses and flowers in the hair, getting into folk and soft rock songs.

James Taylor, Melanie, Crosby Stills Nash and Young, Cat Stevens, Bob Dylan were favourites alongside my harder rock of Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, The Who and Cream.

Fire and Rain was a song I used to love.  It bespoke of loves and friendships lost, and I had a few of them, just like most teenage girls.

This last week it is back in my top 10, seems to be on repeat as I listen to my iPod or iTunes on my computer, I even have the Birdy version recently released.

I think it is reflecting just how I am feeling, the confusion and anxiety, the loss of things loved ...

Up On The Roof is on rotation a lot as well

When this old world starts getting me down
and people are just to much for me to face
I'll climb way up to the top of the stairs and all my cares just drift right into space
On the roof, it's peaceful as can be and there the world below don't bother me, no, no

(Goffin/King)

I am unable to go Up On The Roof, but I am working from home in my space, with my music playing on speakers rather than through earbuds, the windows open filling the house with fresh air rather than the stifling air conditioning of work, enjoying my climbing rose's greenness through the window, away from other people's crap - I am seriously not very generous about some of my fellow workers selfish ways right about now and being there with them is all a little too much.

So here I am, safe from the corporate world, breathing and letting it go.

Thanks to everyone for their supportive comments, their cyber love and hugs, you all bring a smile to my face.  My family have been beyond wonderful as well.

Thanks for popping by xxx

Making Lemonade

I am trying hard to make lemonade from the lemons we were dealt last week, I am trying, really I am.

But no matter how much sugar (retail therapy) I try to put into my life, no matter how much fizz (family and friends) I try to add, the fact is that lemons are sour, and these lemons are the sourest ones ever.

There is little I can do but wait it out, knowing that things will turn around, but right at this moment, right here, right now ... that is way too far away.

Hoping your week is going better than mine.

Thanks for popping by xxx

The Day The Thieves Came To Call

Monday, I woke up feeling like crap, thought about having the day off, but had a meeting that was important for someone else, so soldiered on and went to work.

Was that a good thing or not?

Because sometime that day, thieves came a calling on our house.

Would they not have come if I was home, or would they have come anyway and then I would had the whole home invasion thing.

You see, they came not to steal from our house, although they did that too, they came to take my hubby's car (and possibly mine).  Hubby drove a Subaru Impreza WRX, pearl white in colour with leather seats and sunroof.  The car he had wanted for so long and finally could afford to buy.

Of course, hubby was at work and so they did what they do now, they ransack your house to find the spare car keys and then they come back later and steal your car.

We thought we had outsmarted them, we moved both our cars, but somehow they found hubby's car anyway.  It was just a kilometre or so away, but it is too random that they saw it there from a casual drive by as my daughter is not on a main road.  So they either followed us there when we were dropping it off, or they followed my daughter home when she dropped us back here.  All of that leaves an unsavoury taste in my mouth, but I refuse to get paranoid, well not much anyway.

The bastards, broke into my daughter's car, pushed it out of the way and drove off in hubby's.  The hysterical phone call I got from my daughter at 7am in the morning was horrible.  I felt horrible for her, she felt horrible for us.  To make matters worse, she had already had been broken into and robbed before, once when she and my grand-daughter were asleep so it bought back so many memories for her.

My car was safely tucked away at a friends, who also lives fairly close by and is now hidden somewhere else waiting for the new electronic key to come from the Eastern States.

The forensic policewoman told us they were after the car as soon as she saw hubby's car in the driveway, after checking the house for fingerprints and finding none, she told us they were professionals, she could tell by the way they wiped things clean.  Her theory was they knew our routine, that's a little scary too.

Hubby doesn't want his car back, he hopes it's gone for good.  Of course, if we get it back we will sell it quickly and get him a new one.

It is quite sad that someone covets something you have worked so hard for, feels that it is okay to just come and take it.  I am consoling myself in the fact that I am surrounded by so many good people, so the few bad apples can not break me down.  Hubby is not coping that well, his depression is back BIG TIME.  He just can't understand how someone thinks it is okay to do this.  He will be okay though, cause he has me and a great family that will work to keep him well.  His work is also being supportive which is good.

To me, the most important things in my life are my family, friends and animals.  As long as they are all safe, then my world is okay.  Sure I lost lots, all my jewelry including my Aunt's pearls.  Also gone is my grandmothers canteen of cutlery, nearly 100 years old, silver with mother of pearl handles in a beautiful polished wooden canteen, lined with crushed velvet.  We didn't use it, but it had sentimental value.  But they are just things, irreplaceable things, but things none the less.

Life goes on, thieves came a calling, but they won't break me, because I just won't let them.

Magpies

The wonderful 'The Elephant's Child' often share photos of the beautiful birds that share her garden, or that she find on her travels.

A couple of weeks ago she shared some magpie photos, which made me go back into my archives to find the few that I had taken back in 2010 when we were visiting Margaret River.  This guys followed us around for ages, really curious to see what we where doing in his territory.  At one point he even tried to get into our car.


I love magpies, they forage in our garden for grubs, or for twigs for their nest.  Just this morning I saw a lone magpie take on, and chase away, 2 black cockatoos that got a little to close to her/his nest.


They have the most amazing singing voice, and call to each other, warbling away under the sprinkler on hot summer mornings, or sipping water from puddles left when the sprinkler has finished.

They may be only black and white birds, but each has a distinctive marking and the ones I love the best are the males with the solid white backs.

So today I am wearing black and white as my outfit when popping out to meet my son for lunch.

Call it my magpie inspired outfit.

Thanks for popping by xxx

The WEIGHT, oh the WEIGHT

You know that crushing weight, the weight of other people's expectations, the weight of your own, the weight of work deadlines, the weight of dealing with other people's agendas, the weight of pain, the weight of dealing with a chronic illness or two.

Well right about now I am feeling CRUSHED by all that weight.

Apparently though, I have a way out.

It is okay to tell people NO (albeit in a nice way).

It is okay to tell people you will not get caught up in their bullshit.

It is okay for me to put myself first, if not all the time at least some of the time.

It is okay to be pissed off with the Universe, even though there are others dealing with bigger issues than me.

It is okay to unload right here on my blog.

It's okay because John (my psychologist) told me it is okay, and you know what, I think he is right.  It's time I broke the mould I have been living in all my life because it has been unhealthy for me mentally.

DO YOU HEAR THAT UNIVERSE???

From now on there will be a feistier, stand up for myself type of personality here, you better get used to it!!!

And just in case that was a little scary, know that I love all my cyber friends that come to visit, you make my days way more bearable.

Thanks for popping by xxx

When the bed just isn't big enough anymore

I have no idea how some parents co-sleep, especially if they have a brood of children.  I am currently relegated to the spare bed as hubby and I and two cats just are too many beings for one queen sized bed.

It's funny how cats being such small creatures take up so much room. In Summer they lie across the bed stretched out to keep cool and in Winter they snuggle so close they are almost claustrophobic against you.

With my arthritis I am often awake and moving around to try and get comfortable, Max follows me, snuggling close.  More often than not I end up with a sliver of mattress right on the edge of the bed.

So I gave up and retreated to the spare room some nights ago.  Max has followed and he is currently snuggled up next to me, taking up half of a double bed, snoring his little head off. I can take some comfort in that at least I have the other half and not a sliver!!

Mind you he is a comfort given I am awake at 3 in the morning in pain and struggling with anxiety at the same time.  But more on that in another post.

How many beings share your bed?

Thanks for popping by xxx

A Father's Day Gift

Like most men in the late 50's my hubby has pretty much everything he wants and if he doesn't he goes out and buys it for himself.  He is a man of simple tastes, except for his drum kits, he likes to potter in the garden, listen to music and occasionally read a book.

This year as usual he got gift cards for Bunnings and we had a quiet afternoon tea with my parents.  My mother, also bought hubby a gift.  She always does, he always tells her not too as he is not her Dad, but she likes to come bearing gifts.

Rather than buy him a gift card, she bought him a Newton's Cradle.  We left it sitting on the breakfast bar after my parents had left, both of us where down the other end of the house when I heard the click, click, click of the balls bouncing off each other.  Sneaking down the hall with my iPhone at the ready, I found just what I thought I would find.

Hope you enjoy ....



I'm not sure how to make this only show the latest video, so you get three for the price of one!

Thanks for popping by xxx

Online Shopping, This Could Be A Problem!!!

Good thing I don't have an unlimited bank account and a shopping addiction (or do I???).

With my dodgy back and crook knee I just can not do shopping centres anymore, well not without a lot of pain.

But all my favourite stores (and more) are just the click of a button away - yippee!!!

Got the green hanky top and the green cardi
(also got them in black as well).

So lately I have ordered 3 lots of clothes from MySize (who so nicely email me with a catalogue), some stuff (scarves and jewelry) from TS14+, more clothes from 17 Sundays (who I found via Danimezza).

I have also ordered my organic shampoo and conditioner (cheaper than I can get it through my hairdresser even with delivery) and some skin care products at a huge discount and with free delivery.

Not to mention the countless goodies for the grandchildren from Fishpond, Entrophy Toys, Bunyip Toys and others.

Then there are the Nespresso pods for our new coffee machine, my T2 tea bags and my scrapbooking goodies from Creative Memories.

I mean, who needs to leave the house nowadays???

Now all I need is to get hubby into good shopping online and we are all set I think.

What shopping have you done online lately?

Thanks for popping by xxx


p.s. Oh I forgot to mention JBs, Dymocks and Borders are also regular online haunts of mine - you should seem my book and DVD collection!

Jasmine Inspired by PPMJ

I am sharing some of the Jasmine bud and flowers from our garden, inspired by PPMJ's Flowers for Friday.  While she loves hers in the house, my nose is too sensitive for that, but I love them in my garden when I can smell them gently wafting on the breeze.

Look at these buds, almost open 

And all these, and so many more you can't see. 

just some sentences

I sit here looking out my study window, marveling at the bright blue winter sky.  Where are the clouds and rain, I have no idea but certainly not here at the moment.  We have had a run of beautiful sunny winter days, with the odd really wet day, last Sunday was one of those.

The jasmine in our garden is starting to bloom, it is covered with red buds and bunches of white flowers.  The roses are just starting to show the first signs of new green leaves after their winter pruning.  I can't wait to see them bloom and to inhale their fragrant scent.

The orchids are in full bloom and the back patio is looking stunning, they really do put on a show for us each year.

There are bees buzzing and birds singing, it is really a glorious day.

The morning was chilly, but there is now some warm in the sun and the bed in the spare room keeps calling my name, it is a gorgeous spot to lie and read on a winter's afternoon, but I shall resist the urge today as I have things to do.

I am looking forward to traveling to Adelaide next week, not so much the flight, but being away will be nice.  I may just pack my bathers as hubby tells me there is a gym and a pool at the hotel we are staying at.  He has to go for work, and I am tagging along, partly because I need some time away and mostly because he is not traveling well mentally and he asked me to go with him.

He will be on a course for 3 days and on the Friday he is taking the day off and we are driving out to the Barossa to have a look around and maybe buy some Maggie Beer products and some wine.  I have been told to try a Tokay from out that way that is the nectar of the Gods, looking forward to that.

I have been making an effort to blog daily on my new blog about my diabetes journey and will try and be more regular here when I get back as well.

I seem to have lost my blogging mojo, not sure why, but I just don't seem to have much to share.  I am still taking the time to pop over to read (although not always comment) on other people's blogs and I am sure that I will be back here on a more regular basis soon.

Thanks for popping by.  xxx

The Launch of ...

I've decided to share my diabetes journey on a new blog, in an attempt to help me come to terms with the disease.  Not sure that it will work, but I've got to try something, and I think that writing about it will help - surprise that the psychologist could be right about that - hey?

I find it hard to write with a pen anymore, arthritis and all that, so typing is much easier.

I will try and journal daily, and the first few will be put together from what I have already hand written.

LIGHTNESS OF BEING OR MAYBE THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON

So, in an attempt to overcome my needle phobia and come to terms with dealing with that and the whole D2 bullsh** I went to a psychologist the other day.

Once I got over the whole, oh my God he is a parody of what anyone would think a psychologist should look like, picture longish greying hair, goatee, black turtleneck skivvy under jacket (thankfully no leather patches on the elbows), 6 silver bangles on one wrist, earring in one ear and a bust of someone (Freud??) on his filing cabinet, he turned out to be an okay sort of guy and we had a meaningful discussion.



Although he started it by asking me to choose somewhere to sit while he popped out to the loo.  So I did the whole, oh crap does that mean something, like if I choose the wrong chair it means I am a psychopath, or should I lie down on the chesterfield leather couch dilemma, I chose the yellow wing chair as it looked comfortable.

So one of the things he has asked me to do is to journal how I feel just prior to giving myself my injection so I can bring it back to him so he can understand and help me understand what exactly is going on.  Sure no worries, except, what if I get it wrong??  But then, is there a right or wrong, it is not a test, or is it?  Sure no worries, but how do you put down in words things I find hard to explain to myself.

Maybe sharing it here is the wrong thing, but somehow cyberspace seems to listen and it helps me to know that someone is listening, even if they don't comment, in fact comments can be over-rated and sometimes I get anxious wondering what people will say or really think.

I know that I won't write it all here, I don't want to over share, or to bore the pants of people who pop over to read.  But today, I seem to need to share what I wrote, I certainly am not looking for sympathy or comments, I am just putting it out into the Universe.





My first entry ....

Crap, who thought this would help?  I have no idea what to write, I really don't want to think about this, it is hard enough to just do it every day.  Where to start, I don't know how I really feel, so I hope this is okay ...  the best I can do is make this a story, I can talk through stories.


I sit here staring at my stomach, crisscrossed by a network of silver stretchmarks, the reminders of the four children this body has nurtured.  I stare at the bruises and the red irritation marks left by the hundreds of injections before, and yes it must be hundreds as I am on my third pack on needles and they come in packs of 100.  


I try and find a place that is not too close to the place I used this morning.  


I can feel myself getting tense, I can feel myself getting frustrated, and then the tears start to fall.  


It all seems so hard, so overwhelming, so out of control.  


Will it hurt this time?  Sometimes it just hurts to push the needle in and the rest is okay.  Sometimes the needle goes in with no issues and then it hurts as the fluid seeps under my skin.  Sometimes the needle and injecting are fine and then it hurts as I take the needle out.  Then there are the times it stings when it is all finished.  Or will tonight be one of the few nights that nothing hurts?  I am blessed that sometimes it is painless and I can breathe more easily.  It is the not knowing how this will be this time that makes me tense.


But I know I can do this, I have to do this, and so I will.


p.s. Tonight it hurt going in and stung afterwards

So What Do You Do To Cheer Yourself Up?

Well I go shopping for handbags it seems.  Went to the doctors this morning about my bung knee, she was not happy Jan and is really worried about my inflammatory arthritis ... so off this afternoon for xrays on knees, ankles and feet.  Should that be cankles?  My ankles are so swollen (so are my feet and knee) from the arthritis it is a little scary.  Good news though was my blood pressure was 123/76, woo hoo.

So, feeling a little flat, I decided to take my worn out body for a quick shopping trip, and just because I can, I went to Strandbags looking for some luggage (I will blog about that soon).  They didn't have what I wanted, but they did have the most divine buttercup yellow handbag ... it called my name from across the shop and just jumped into my hand.  It was fate I am telling you.

Now while purchasing said bag, I spied a laptop bag that was so beautiful it just had to be mine.  Black embroidered and embossed leather, 3 compartments, just to die for.  So I bought that too.  Well tomorrow is my birthday after all!!!

It wasn't until I got home that I realised I had bought a Kardashian bag - horror of horrors, but it is just so beautiful, I can ignore that, and just hope no one else notices.

See, isn't it something to covert???

The photo just doesn't do the colour justice, it has a black gusset underneath the bag
and black handles and shoulder strap.

The offending brand - lol 

Lovely yellow accents inside the bag

And 3 compartments - bliss

How divine is this laptop bag, my Mac is going to be so happy tucked up inside.

Embroidered and embossed leaves and flowers - so gorgeous and this
photo does not do it justice in any way.