Today is the first anniversary of the loss of my unborn grandson (at around 16-17 weeks gestation). My heart is heavy with the loss of my little frog prince.
I know that a lot of people, including some in my family I suppose, will not understand how I can still be mourning a grandson that I never got to meet. One that was lost so early in his development.
I suppose I wonder that myself sometimes.
But I remember the joy at the phone call from my daughter just after she had a positive pregnancy test.
I didn't know it was a a little boy until just before he left. But, just like his parents, I was already dreaming of holding him, of bonding, of loving him as much as my 2 grand-daughters.
I felt their pain when it all began to go wrong. I gave them my shoulder so they had someone strong to lean on. I cuddled my littlest grand-daughter when her parents had to go to hospital, knowing they would come home without him. I know how much it tore my daughter's heart out, I know the emptiness she still feels.
My grandchildren mean so much to me. Their unconditional love, the bond I have with both of them. There was room for one more, and so I miss him, the thought of him, the smell of him, the warmth of him.
Sweet rest my little frog prince, Grandma misses you so much and will always love you. May angels look after you forever. xxx